To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

[honeymelina]

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

Assume you didn't drive there and back yourself, if you were 5 days post-section and had a glass of wine.

OP is planning to drive there herself and leave her DH at home with the newborn.

Not unreasonable to want to go but there are so many factors you won’t know until the time. The biggest thing is breastfeeding. How important is breastfeeding to you? Are you prepared to give the baby formula if you can’t express enough? Two weeks is when they often cluster feed, so I don’t know how you could even pump enough in those early days for that long away. I’m sure some people manage but the most I managed to pump at that stage was one bottle for when I had to go out for all of 90 mins. And the midwife was impressed I’d managed that much. There’s also other risks to your breastfeeding journey being away that long, but if you’re prepared to overcome them or accept you may need to give the baby formula at some point (nothing wrong with that at all, by the way) then go for it. In fact, if you’d said baby will be bottle fed then I’d have said absolutely go for it and baby will be fine at home with dad. In fact it might be nice for their bonding. But EBF is a different beast.

I don't know why so many people are saying YABU. It's a part of a day with your other child and your family. Leave the baby with DH and go and have fun.

How long a journey? I had easy births but still wouldn’t have wanted to be driving for hours at 2wks pp.

I had to leave DS2 for a photo shoot when he was about 3 weeks, and was gone for most of the day.

I was already pumping from a week with both babies so had no concerns about home being hungry or unsettled (he could get milk out of a rock, that kid didn’t care how his food arrived).

My only recommendation would be fgs please take a breast pump with you as you may end up incredibly uncomfortable!

Separately when I did this, I had a wonderful but tiring day and honestly I couldn’t wait to get home and climb back into bed with the baby. But of course there’s nothing wrong with going that long!

Things like this baffle me?

Why on earth would you leave your week old baby to attend an event where your baby isn’t welcome?

What kind of family event is considered to be so important that they’d expect a mother and newborn baby to be separated from each other in order for the mother to attend?

It sounds awful, selfish and entitled.

I certainly wouldn’t be going OP and I’m horrified that your family would expect you to leave behind your baby.

If you go, book a gp appointment for the inevitable mastitis when you get back

Is it rollarcoasters or Zip wiring? All I can think of that would make sense.

You’re the mum. Whatever you decide is fine. But maybe you can’t make that decision until the day because you really might not feel like it.

Unreasonable - your newborn can definitely attend, and if someone’s saying they can’t then they’re wrong. At 2 weeks post partum it’s not like you’re gonna be attending a zip lining event. Your baby can go with you.

I had to leave newborn DS for 9 hours to do a practical uni assessment
(Well he was 4 weeks but just out of NICU)
I felt fine to leave him. Emotionally and recovery wise I would have felt fine to leave him alone with his dad from day 1.

My issue was BF. He was exclusively BF and my pumping skills were abysmal. Over an hour for 15ml (I only kept at it as DS needed medicine mixed in with 15ml of milk....looking back why didnt I just use formula- derailing anyway.....)

So DH had to bring him and hang about near by, coffee shops, car, a friends house and pop round every now and again so I could feed him.

Your plan sounds grand to me.....but you wont know how feeding goes until they are here. They might not even take bittle feeds. Though if you are formula feeding then you do so no issues at all.

Just enjoy yourself and dont do too much

You would need to take the baby with you imo. You won't have established feeding by that point and will definitely still need to do all feeds as BF if you are planning on BF.

Maybe she doesn't want to take the baby.

Sorry just saw you are planning to BF/pump

That's the only issue I can see is either you not having the milk supply you are expecting OR baby not taking to a bottle.

But these are the things you cant plan for.

Don't be judged by being OK to leave your joint child with their parent....thats completely fine and normal to do. This needs to be made more of the done thing IMO. Especially to spend time with an older child.

In reality what could possibly go wrong? If you saying about feeding do as one of my DDs did. Get dad to give the baby a bottle of expressed milk from a few days old. Then they are used to such scrnerios and expect a bottle from Dad. DDs child is now nearly a year and she's still breastfeeding but baby happily takes bottles from others if DD at work etc. Won't take one if she's in the room though lol.

Why shouldn't the OP enjoy herself at the family party also though?

Ar such an early stage of establishing breastfeeding, I wouldn't even consider leaving a baby all day, but it's individual what people feel comfortable with.

I wouldn't have been able to, due to a difficult recovery from birth/stitches etc..., and I breastfed but didn't get on well with the pump, certainly wouldn't have had enough pumped to leave baby for a day after 2 weeks. I was still building up the milk supply at that point and baby was cluster feeding.

However there's nothing wrong with leaving baby with their dad if you can. But don't feel pressure if you can't.x

HRFT but I don't think you've thought this through properly.
Baby might not take a bottle if you're BF, they're all different.
You might have a bad birth or c section which means longer and harder recovery. I was admitted for 7 days after my DS was born. I was in no fit state to go for a family day out.
Baby might have colic/be a velcro baby. My first was no bother would settle for anyone, my second however, screams if he's not in my arms. Your DH would have a horrible time trying to settle a crying baby all day. Your baby would have an awful day too.
If you manage to establish bf and pump within less than 2 weeks you will have to take all of your equipment with you to pump while you're gone.
Also don't underestimate the sibling bond. My 2yo refused to leave the babys side for the first few months, he was extremely protective x

Surely your dh is part of the family ?! As someone who is breastfeeding thinking you can leave a 1/ 2 week old baby for that length of time is optimistic at best

I'd say its unlikely youll be able to express milk so easily within 1-2 weeks of birth plus many newborns who are being BF will refuse the bottle. I can't imagine many mums wanting to leave a newborn baby behind for a family day out. Yes I'd say your DH is right and you are BU.

She can another time but not when her 2 week old baby needs her. This family gathering cant be a one-off.

There's no reason she can't this time Parent hood isn't meant to be a bloody prison.

My baby would never take a bottle, so just consider that. It's also advised not to introduce a bottle too early if you want to breastfeed, as it can be confusing. I'd personally not go, or take the baby with you, and all go. At that age, they can just be in a sling on you for the day. They'll be feeding very frequently at that age, so you'd need to be pumping all the time whilst you're away, so surely won't be more hassle just having the baby with you. I couldn't sit down a week after my birth due to an infection in my episiotomy, so be prepared for that!

It’s hard to imagine why all of the options you’ve discounted won’t work!

But if that’s the case I guess you’ll have to wait and see.