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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do a day out without newborn weeks after birth?

259 replies

honeymelina · 07/10/2025 13:40

There is a big family get together coming soon that my family has been planning for long time. Many relatives will come, there will be food and children playing, all that kind of thing. It is exactly the type of day my DS would love and I would like to go too. With the drive and everything we would be out most of the day, maybe from 10 in the morning until around 4.

By that time the baby will be around one or two weeks old. I am being induced for medical reasons in next few days so the time is already quite certain, let’s not get into that. I am not really worried about if I can manage physically, my mum will be there and I can sit down if I need, but I think more if it is realistic to leave the newborn at home with DH for that long. He is fine with it but says when baby is here I probably will not want to go.

For feeding I can pump while we are out and also leave some milk already at home, so that part is okay. But I keep thinking maybe it is too soon to be away the whole day. The main thing is I would like to spend some nice time with DS and it’s an important event for my family. I would not take the baby because it is not really the right place, and I cannot just send DS without me.

So AIBU to think I can do it? Has anyone done something similar soon after birth and it was alright?

OP posts:
user1471600850 · 07/10/2025 17:03

Oh for gods sake - as long as you are up for it go and enjoy! Your baby will be fine with their Dad - all the drama is not necessary nor are all the questions about taking the baby!

AnotherEmma · 07/10/2025 17:08

Emmz1510 · 07/10/2025 16:58

I think it’s fine as a plan in theory. People saying ‘baby needs mum’. No, they don’t need mum per se. They need a warm, loving, attentive person to nurture them and meet their needs. In many or even most families that is often most consistently the mum because of the way our society and parental leave systems are set up, because many mums breastfeed and mums are wired to meet their needs more instinctively because they carried them. But this notion that they need mum and only mum is outdated and potentially harmful to families.

I say it’s a fine plan in theory because when it comes to it might not work out. You may still be in pain from birth. You might be absolutely knackered and not up for socialising. Baby might not take to the bottle as easily/as quickly as you are expecting. There might be health complications for you and/or baby. You simply might not feel you can leave them.
I’d advise planning to go if you can, but making sure folk know that you might pull out at late notice.

A baby does needs its mother in the immediate weeks after birth. The first 2 weeks of maternity leave are protected, and I think (hope) this is mainly to allow the mother to recover, but that time should be for mother and baby together.

"A mother cannot return to work before the end of the compulsory 2 weeks of maternity leave following the birth (4 weeks if they work in a factory)."
https://www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay/when-you-can-start

Shared Parental Leave and Pay

You can start Shared Parental Leave (SPL) and Statutory Shared Parental Pay (ShPP) if you're eligible and you or your partner ends your maternity or adoption leave early - eligibility, entitlement, starting SPL and splitting blocks of leave

https://www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay/when-you-can-start

Illberidingshotgun · 07/10/2025 17:10

Surely the family will want to meet the baby? Or have more cuddles if they have already met him/her? I can imagine lots of people would be disappointed not to have them there. Seems easier for you all to go, although you say it wouldn't be the right for a newborn, but they don't know where they are, and often cope better with loud noises and busy places than older babies. Why does anyone need to stay at home?

As many others have mentioned you have no idea how your induction and birth will go, and at least if you all go your DH can step in and look after your DC if need be, and I'm sure there will be lots of people on hand to help with the baby.

Oh, and you can never be certain that the baby will take a bottle. A couple of mine absolutely refused.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 07/10/2025 17:11

Let DH look after his child - so nice to hear of a willing Dad !

catherinewales · 07/10/2025 17:15

I think it all depends on how you are. You could end up having a c section and won’t be able to drive if you do. Baby might not take to the bottle, you could have problems breast feeding. It’s an impossible question for us to answer. You will only know when the baby is here. I would say don’t commit right now. You have a valid excuse not to go, if you’re not feeling up to it. I left both my baby’s with grandparents from 5-6 days old (I know this baby with be with dad) for over night. Although baby number 1 was because I was really poorly in hospital and had no choice. 2nd baby I was just exhausted. Do what ever feels right for you and your family. If you don’t go maybe do something with your other child when you can.

BeLilacSloth · 07/10/2025 17:19

Go and enjoy yourself! Baby will be fine with DH! I had to go in to hospital due to complications a few days after I gave birth and left my DH with our newborn and disabled DD for around 6 hours and he managed

AnotherEmma · 07/10/2025 17:23

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 07/10/2025 17:11

Let DH look after his child - so nice to hear of a willing Dad !

Bloody hell, the bar is low.

Babyboomtastic · 07/10/2025 17:26

catherinewales · 07/10/2025 17:15

I think it all depends on how you are. You could end up having a c section and won’t be able to drive if you do. Baby might not take to the bottle, you could have problems breast feeding. It’s an impossible question for us to answer. You will only know when the baby is here. I would say don’t commit right now. You have a valid excuse not to go, if you’re not feeling up to it. I left both my baby’s with grandparents from 5-6 days old (I know this baby with be with dad) for over night. Although baby number 1 was because I was really poorly in hospital and had no choice. 2nd baby I was just exhausted. Do what ever feels right for you and your family. If you don’t go maybe do something with your other child when you can.

Lots of women arriving 2 weeks after a section.
But yeah, it's a big gamble.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 07/10/2025 17:27

2 weeks post c section I took my 4 year old into central London to the aquarium and out for a meal and left the baby with husband for about 5 hours

it was totally fine

I also went on a night out when he was 4 weeks.

He was breastfed but had been giving him a bottle or 2 a day at that stage so he was fine

I wouldn’t think twice about doing this tbh

whatistheworld · 07/10/2025 17:28

I don't see why not, i went out with my other child when my second one was less than 2 weeks old. That said I didn't have a section.

OneAmberFinch · 07/10/2025 17:28

It's not "outdated" to respect the unique bond between a mother and a 1-2 week old baby.

Rachie1973 · 07/10/2025 17:28

I think see how you feel nearer the time :)

If you’re physically comfy, you can manage the milk situation and your DH is on the same page then why not xx

Rachie1973 · 07/10/2025 17:31

AnotherEmma · 07/10/2025 17:08

A baby does needs its mother in the immediate weeks after birth. The first 2 weeks of maternity leave are protected, and I think (hope) this is mainly to allow the mother to recover, but that time should be for mother and baby together.

"A mother cannot return to work before the end of the compulsory 2 weeks of maternity leave following the birth (4 weeks if they work in a factory)."
https://www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay/when-you-can-start

Show quote history

Except, for a multitude of reasons some babies don’t have their Mums for those 2weeks. I took custody of my granddaughter at 2 days.

Whilst it’s optimum, it’s not compulsory to stay with your baby 24/7 for 2 weeks.

Nanny0gg · 07/10/2025 17:38

MyMilchick · 07/10/2025 13:51

Of course it's ok, the baby will be with their dad

A two-week old breastfed baby?

What could possibly go wrong?

AnotherEmma · 07/10/2025 17:44

Nanny0gg · 07/10/2025 17:38

A two-week old breastfed baby?

What could possibly go wrong?

Show quote history

🤣

Okiedokie123 · 07/10/2025 17:48

I wouldn’t go. It’s shame to miss such an event but I wouldn’t want to leave a 2 week old for that long.

AnotherEmma · 07/10/2025 17:48

Rachie1973 · 07/10/2025 17:31

Except, for a multitude of reasons some babies don’t have their Mums for those 2weeks. I took custody of my granddaughter at 2 days.

Whilst it’s optimum, it’s not compulsory to stay with your baby 24/7 for 2 weeks.

Show quote history

No one said it was compulsory for mother and baby to be together 24/7.
But it's not appropriate to downplay the impact of a mother and her breastfed newborn being apart for 6 hours, as some PPs have done.
Of course it's sometimes necessary to separate a newborn from its mother, and I'm sure there were very good reasons for you taking care of your grandchild so young, but I don't like this tendency to minimise and normalise it for trivial reasons.

Skybluepinky · 07/10/2025 17:51

Just take the baby with you, real life involves all the children.

PumpkinSparkleFairy · 07/10/2025 17:55

No way would I leave a 7 day old baby for that long myself - I wouldn’t want to be pumping at that point as milk supply is still establishing.

Hope it all goes well OP!

JadziaD · 07/10/2025 17:56

YOu do need to clarify some things. I was self employed and had to leave DD with DH for around that amount of time sometimes when she was very young. It was fine. But.... I didn't have to go far, it wasn't particularly physically demanding etc.

I would definitely have struggled more if ihad been a 90 minute drive, post c section (after inductino), wrangling 4 year old, and doing a lot of socialising etc, then 90 minute drive.

surely the answer is not to commit now and to see how you feel once it's there?

Strangesally20 · 07/10/2025 17:56

I went to a similar family event (great aunt’s 100th birthday lunch at my cousins house) when my second was 5 days old after a c section. It was lovely, I sat and was waited on, everyone cooed over the baby and had a cuddle, toddler DD played with her cousins, I even had a lovely glass of wine! I think it depends on your family and how you feel physically but I think it would probably be ok.

thestudio · 07/10/2025 17:57

OP there's a reason they call it the fourth trimester.

Sorry, I do understand - but your newborn will not; they will effectively be abandoned by the entity that was until a few days before their home; they can't even distinguish between themselves and you as a separate existence at that age.

So if you have a choice, I definitely would not.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 07/10/2025 17:57

At that age/stage with my 2nd we did a big day out, but we did it as a 4 for my eldests birthday (theme park), the littlest was 2 weeks old. I understand you're saying you can't take the baby, but I don't really get it. They're so transportable at that age, and you won't worry if they're with you, and feeding becomes a non issue as you're there too. Plan whatever you wish, but I think you'll find it all easier if you're together. I'd suggest planning a variety of options and playing it by ear on the day (if family don't mind that you might pull out)

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 07/10/2025 17:58

Strangesally20 · 07/10/2025 17:56

I went to a similar family event (great aunt’s 100th birthday lunch at my cousins house) when my second was 5 days old after a c section. It was lovely, I sat and was waited on, everyone cooed over the baby and had a cuddle, toddler DD played with her cousins, I even had a lovely glass of wine! I think it depends on your family and how you feel physically but I think it would probably be ok.

But OP is leaving newborn at home with dad, not bringing it to be cooed over.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 07/10/2025 17:59

Strangesally20 · 07/10/2025 17:56

I went to a similar family event (great aunt’s 100th birthday lunch at my cousins house) when my second was 5 days old after a c section. It was lovely, I sat and was waited on, everyone cooed over the baby and had a cuddle, toddler DD played with her cousins, I even had a lovely glass of wine! I think it depends on your family and how you feel physically but I think it would probably be ok.

She's saying she won't take the baby and is leaving it all day with husband - I agree with you, taking the baby and having family help and love would be a lot easier if possible, but apparently it isn't