AIBU to want the nursery to offer him different food?

[LilacPomPom]

I have a 17mo old son who attends nursery twice a week for half days (Tuesday 8-1 & Thursday 8-1).
These are not funded hours at all and are entirely paid by myself & my partner for the small fortune of over £400+ a month.

When we looked around the nursery, I was in awe of the menu and how established it was with a variety of foods and I found it quite fancy. It has a “home cooked” kind of vibe to it but with extras so instead of a beef bolognaise, he’s offered lamb (which I think is slightly odd as it’s not what I would expect from a Spag Bol essentially).

Since September, my LO barely eats there. We’ve changed his diet at home to eating what me & my partner eat and he does really well. He’s a bit funny with textures but he has changed drastically and does brilliantly at home.

He rarely eats at nursery. Out of the whole of September, he’s eaten 2-3 portions of breakfast and maybe the mash from a lunch or the plain pasta from lunch. Today, I’ve looked on the nursery app to see if he’d eaten breakfast. Nope.

i’m a little irked that they don’t offer him anything else. He’s offered one option of “beans on toast” and if he doesn’t eat it, he’s not offered cereal (which I know he would eat at least some of) or anything else. The same applies for lunch too. I’m not allowed to bring food into the nursery for them to give like a box of cereal or the bread he has at home (just even silly things like that) due to allergies in the nursery.

i’m getting a bit annoyed that we’re paying all the money and he’s not even being offered an alternative and he’s just not eating and their happy with that. I’m unsure whether to make a comment to them about just offering him something else. Like, today he was given Beans on Toast. He ate none. However, I know that he eats toast with butter all the time and he has had beans before, just mashed into a potato.

AIBU to expect them to at least offer an alternative and be upset that they’re literally not phased if he doesn’t eat at nursery especially when I’m paying the full price for his hours? (we’re one of maybe 5 families who get no funded hours at all).

I know the money thing shouldn’t make a difference but there’s also a few little things that we can/can’t do as we’re not funded. All children, regardless of financial status, should be entitled to healthy and nutritious food - it just stings a little that we’re paying for the addition of food (compulsory) and he’s not eating anything.

The only time I'd expect a nursery to offer an alternative is if they are developmentally unable to eat it or ill and can't manage it. DS who was 2 at the time had hand foot and mouth it took ages for the ulcers in his mouth to go. So they fed him yoghurt and custard for a few weeks with agreement from us.

Some kids are just fussy. I would feed mine before nursery so I knew they had eaten..my son would then have a second breakfast while it didn't matter that my daughter didn't eat anything. She was the same at school breakfast club and wouldn't eat the cereal there either.
It's also handy you are doing half days so I would just keep feeding him when he gets home and ask the nursery to keep trying. Maybe as he gets older and more used to nursery he will start eating more. I wouldn't worry over it though or complain to the nursery to offer an alternative.

If it's a good nursery they would be open to the conversation. You don't have to go in all guns blazing - you simply turn up and say - ah its a shame he didn't eat much today. Maybe try him with cereal on x day, if you have any because he loves that at home

This would absolutely have been a non issue at our nursery.

If you don't feel comfortable enough to have a back and forth conversation with staff at your nursery - you've got more to worry about than his diet.

Most nurseries don't have chefs or such small numbers of children.

Your nursery need food training cause it isn’t acceptable. What sort of thing is it to be offering beans on toast when they could be offering toast or cereal and fruit.

Probably a cost 'thing'. There's also nothing wrong with beans on toast.

I work in a nursery

we had training regarding food and how it’s important in the younger years to do xyz.

I don’t know why we are over complicating things for children just give them a bowl of cereal or a bit of toast with butter and some fruit that’s what we do. Some children have ways they feel about food and won’t want beans on their bread etc etc. where we are we keep all food seperate on the same plate so they can choose what they want and what they consider safe rather than not being able to eat a food we considered safe and it now isn’t because they’ve got beans etc on them.

I’ve been educated of the importance of so much but I can’t be bothered to write

Then they have 30+ other kids that want different meals . Your child isn't special they get what everyone's eating or our nursery has the option of a packed lunch .

@LilacPomPom I can empathise with you OP. I think you should be allowed to provide a packed lunch - there will be things you can provide that kids won't be allergic too - I think the allergy excuse is a poor one from the nursery.
I don't think you can expect any other accommodations. As once they set precedence for you then if everyone follows suit it's not manageable.
My son has ASD. I didnt know that when he was in nursery but he also attended half days and never ate anything whilst there. A kid with ASD would rather starve than eat something they don't want to eat. Not many people understand or realise that. My son is now almost 5 and since starting school he has refused lunch and snack (provided) more often than not and gone an entire school day without eating anything. His school has been very supportive in helping find ways to encourage him to eat. My son is not a great eater but eats better at home because it's his safe place where he's most at ease. School comes with noise, smells and expectations that make eating there more stressful. In no way am I saying that your child has ASD, more that things are not black and white and I do think the nursery could be more supportive.

Also just re-read your post OP - he's only been there 6 weeks which is no time at all especially if it's part time will take longer to settle. I would wait it out a bit longer. I know plenty of kids that didn't eat when they initially started nursery, it's a big change. Also alot of kids are sick for the first 3 months of nursery as they all pass bugs to each other and that can knock off their appetite

If you want that service you need a nanny not a nursery.

Fair enough, I’ve lived in those places too and I happen to completely disagree. First, I don’t agree that the nursery staff are ‘letting this child go hungry’? He is being given a nutritious meal. If he chooses to eat it or not is entirely up to him, he is only there for a half day, perhaps he isn’t there long enough to be very hungry - I know my son who is a similar age wouldn’t eat much in these circumstances. But yes, I think that allowing children to demand alternative meal options to those served all the time IS instilling an unhealthy level of privilege and giving them a poor message about the expendability of good food and the morality of wasting it - a message which is hard to unpick if they’re led to believe from a young age that it’s perfectly acceptable to refuse healthy, nutritious meals that are served to everyone else, in favour of a different, bespoke option which is more preferable to them!

No they shouldn’t offer alternative options, he’s there half a day if he doesn’t eat it isn’t a big deal. Make sure he has a small breakfast before he goes. My son goes 4 days a week…. He didn’t touch lunch for a whole year, but ultimately they eat snacks etc and they won’t starve…. It’s paid off not offering something else as he had now started trying stuff. Makes no difference if you have funded hours or not - it’s completely irrelevant - everyone pays consumable charges X

Yeah I'm stuck on this bit too. A 17 month old having food mashed up still? Unless there's health reasons I didn't realise that was a thing.

He's probably still adjusting to eating normal food and settling into nursery. It's really hard when they're only in 2 mornings a week too. The nursery I worked in it took the ones who were similar hours much longer to settle than the all day children.

YANBU. I understand they can't organise a totally different meal for your child specifically, but offering some plain toast (without the beans) can't be a problem since they already have all the ingredients. For the price you pay I would expect at least a bit of an effort to make sure your baby eats something.

It’s not a “thing” but it is what I was comfortable with for a while. The food we mashed (mixed, not blended or anything) up until recently were beans in a jacket potato, broccoli in a fritter - that sort of thing. I did weaning in a way which was comfortable for me and met the nutritional requirements for my baby. Now, he’ll just eat whatever like the roast we had the other day - chopped up but he’s learning to use a fork which is quite sweet to see. Each step takes time for me, and I’m doing the best I can for my situation. So a bit of mashed beans, bananas in porridge or mashed up steamed fruit for dessert isn’t a bad thing.

I would try to offer more things from the nursery menu at home. They probably rotate the menu every few weeks so you can see what is coming up. Also, you only need to look at Tuesday and Thursday options (eg don't bother getting him used to fish pie if that is only offered on a Friday). Hopefully, as he settles in he starts to eat a bit more because it's a worry if you think they're going hungry.

Also just re-read your post OP - he's only been there 6 weeks which is no time at all especially if it's part time will take longer to settle. I would wait it out a bit longer. I know plenty of kids that didn't eat when they initially started nursery, it's a big change. Also alot of kids are sick for the first 3 months of nursery as they all pass bugs to each other and that can knock off their appetite

You’ve managed to sound quite inelegant about the whole funded hours thing IMO. There is no difference in your rights depending on whether or not your hours are funded (although i imagine knowing some nurseries that you’re simply not using enough hours in to be able to get funding).

The bit about not being able to fathom the thought of long days in nursery too always annoys me a bit. Don’t worry, children with mothers like me who don’t have a choice and do that thrive just as well.

to be honest I think it boils down to one thing: time. He’s 17mo so it is probably taking him a bit longer to settle than an 9/12mo old and he only goes two days a week which probably makes it difficult too. He will get used to it soon. Relax. Don’t feel guilty. You’re doing your best.

I appreciate my wording wasn’t brilliant. Not my intention. Also, in regards to the longer days - I have the privilege of being able to send him for half days as I have made arrangements around that for childcare. Due to my experience, I personally felt that the long day hours were too long for me and my own situation. I understand some people don’t have the choice and do what works for them.

I ran nurseries for years and yes, you can and yes they could. The whole point is that you offer some flexibility for the children and some choice.
We aren’t talking Frosty’s Or Weetabix, but we are talking cereal or toast

I think only one option for lunch is acceptable but for breakfast mine have 3 different cereals and toast available. Mine often eat bith toast and cereal everyday. I don't think this would be difficult for them too arrange tbh

Rightio.

I’d just say to them to give him plain toast and butter.

Then if he doesn’t eat it you know it’s his choice rather than a dislike iyswim?

He doesn’t necessarily need an alternative - just the bits if the food offered that he will eat.

apologies I’ve not read all replies but

Your child is probably not eating because they are not hungry or just need a bit more time to want to try it, the more food is offered eventually kids will try, the consistency in their offer is probably a good thing.

You want your child to have healthy nutritious food but would rather they offer plain toast instead of what they are giving?

they would not be able to offer every child who didn’t eat an alternative, it would be mayhem and cause kids to start wanting what other kids have, a nightmare to keep track of and also feeding the beast of children who are reluctant to try new foods

you not having free hours doesn’t give you some kind of VIP status at the nursery, stop being so entitled.