DD’s dad’s partner at my child’s autism assessment

[Desperatelyed]

DD is 6 and going through the autism assessment.

me and her dad were never together but we have co parented well since she was born. When DD was 2, he married his now wife. I have no problem with her, but she looks down her nose at me.

DD is with her dad half the week, and half with me. Her dad usually works nights so his wife will get involved with getting my DD to bed etc, and she has picked her up from school. I think that’s an overstep in itself but nothing I can do.

his wife is now pregnant.

DD has parent interview coming up for her assessment. He requested 2 separate appointments, which they’ve allowed.

He told me that his wife will also be going to the appointment with him. I’m angry about this. It isn’t her child?

Dd dad argued with me and said his wife spends a lot of time caregiving to our DD so she should be there. Why would she even want to go ? Can I stop her?

Yes, your first assumption is correct. I view the role of the child's Mother as more important. As do most of the world.

@Allthatshines1992 parents are important. My DH is as important in DS's life as I am

We had two parents and two sencos at my daughter’s appointment, plus the consultant and a speech therapist from his team. They can adapt the appointment to you as long as you make them aware of who you are bringing. I did not bring my daughter at the feedback stage due to age and development as I judged it better to explain to her myself in a quiet room.

It would be fair enough not wanting her there if it was you and the child's dad, but you've asked for a separate appointment for each of you, therefore I don't think it's up to you who he takes to his with him.

She is involved in your child's life, whether you like it/her or not, so surely it makes sense that she's as involved as possible with anything that might have an impact in the future?

But as their Mum you should be the one at home nurturing them until they're ready for nursery or School looking after them, forming a secure bond the way nature intended. For instance, I am my daughter's best friend and she is mine. She loves her Dad and he is a great father to her but it isn't the same. We (Mothers) are attuned to their sleep cycle as babies and wake easily to their sounds, we breastfeed them and they are born from us, they seek us out over anyone else.

What has she actually done, as it sounds very much like you just dislike her?
It sounds great that she has been involved so much with your DD and takes care of her when her dad is at work. Would you rather she didn't bother to show an interest?

You don’t have the power to make these decisions because your child is not your possession. She is a living human being with two parents and if you were to split from your husband and he asked for 50/50 custody he would be entitled to it.

Go to any African country and say a baby was left overnight with someone who wasn't the child's Mother.

Courts don’t.

I do and I would. I chose to have a child with the type of man who would accept this and not take me to court. If I was unfortunate enough to be with a man who left me and then tried to take me to court for 50-50 custody I would get on a plane to another country with DC and not return.

PLEASE come back and update us if you do ever break up as it will be hilarious to watch it play out.

Can you turn it round in your head and put your DD at the centre of your thoughts? This other woman is parenting the child of her partner as well as she can. She is investing in that relationship so your DD has a better time in their home. Could you think of her as a partner in this? Your DD can clearly benefit from this behaviour which looks quite loving to me. You know the saying it takes a village to raise a child. Maybe just accept it as a gift for your child?

Helping the child with the way forward after a ADHD diagnosis is a team effort, everyone being involved and engaged will really help DD.

You’d kidnap a man’s child before you gave him reliable access. I’ve ran out of benefit of the doubt. That’s unhinged.

it's not a shame they couldn't have gone together. It's an assessment. It's actually more valuable to know how she presents in the different environments. With the main caregivers (not just 'parents').

Ah. You're assuming that fathers are always less caring than mothers then.

And you are the type of mother who give women a bad name when it comes to fathers not being able to see their children.

Youre putting your feelings before those of the child.

Do you really think that a child would be better off kidnapped and taken out of the country they’ve know their whole lives and never seeing their father again rather than letting the child have both parents in their life.

Your child is not your possession.

You really are raising alarm bells .You’re not your daughters best friend and it really isn’t healthy to think you are. Her father had exactly the same right to exactly the same amount of access as you do. That’s the law.Children seek out both parents.

I think it’s more unhealthy for your children to be your best friend.

My best friend isn’t an 8 year old.

They’re women in their 30s who drink gin with me while I complain about how tired I am.

It's not kidnap, you are the child's Mother. Who do you think is responsible for the child if not their Mother?

Being a Mother is the most important job in the world.

Nice exaggeration there

that would be very normal? Do you guys know any African women in real life? Not these national geographic noble savage versions you always talk about on here?

African women leave their babies at home/overnights from very young. usually maternal family is providing care or older siblings. if the baby is bottle fed then from very early other people will be providing overnights as in before 6 months.

We are not chained to babies in the same way you are in english culture. just because we believe in co sleeping and baby wearing doesn't mean the baby is clinically attached to us.

Nope. It is legally, abduction.

Both parents are responsible for the child, assuming you gave your husband parental rights and he’s on the birth certificate etc.

A child deserves and needs both parents equally. You don’t own your child. You raise them for 18 years giving them roots and wings preparing them to make their own life .

Is co-parenting that bad that you need separate appointments? And regardless sounds like she is there for good intentions and has helped raise her in periods when your ex hasn't been able to.