DP angry I put heating on as he “pays the bills” AIBU?

[Lily0o]

Last week when the weather was colder I put the heating on. My partner got into an argument with me over this saying it costs a fortune and turned it off. Told me to use blankets. I got into an argument with him over this. He started on at me about money, as he’s paying the bills etc.

He does “pay the bills” as our financial arrangement is that I own my own flat, so I pay the entire mortgage (as it is solely mine) and he doesn’t pay rent but he covers the gas and electric, council tax and half the food bills. I lived with him over the summer where this obviously wasn’t an issue but now it’s coming to winter he’s starting to aggravate me. I think he’s annoyed about paying all the bills. But I think our arrangement is fair? If he was renting a flat this size it would cost him £2500 a month (it’s 3 bedrooms in Brighton) and he’s paying a few hundred pounds every month.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, maybe I am? Just looking for opinions.

Kick him out. He can find somewhere else where he has to pay rent and bills.

You are right. He's being tight fisted. If he doesn't like it, maybe he should move out and get a mortgage of his own. He's saving hundreds of pounds per month by living with you.

I'm with him on it being too early for heating but with you on the financial set up is going to cause resentment and he isn't far off getting a free ride. He probably resents that you're a homeowner and he isn't.

God lord, I could not live with someone who moaned at me for turning on the heating when its cold.

Wait it’s your flat that he is living in rent free? Give him an option he pays rent and you split the bills or he pays all the bills no complaining. If he likes neither of these he can leave and find his own place!

Tell him to piss off and find his own accommodation if he doesn’t like it.

What an absolute prat this bloke is. Talk about bite the hand that feeds you!

He’s obviously being unreasonable and miserly as he has a pretty good deal?

what does he think is reasonable that he pays? does he want a lodger agreement and to pay for “room rental” at 1000pcm and then you take his bill payments from that?

This reminds me of the old joke.
Man says to wife ‘put your ciar on’
Wife ‘are you taking me out’
Man ‘no I’m off to the pub & turning off the heat’

He sounds a mean spirited oik.

How long are you living together? Doesn’t sound too long. I’d get him to move out again.

It's hard to know whether you are being fair without knowing more details.
How much are you paying for the mortgage?
How much do all the other bills come to?
How much do you both earn?

Personally I don't think the heating should go on just yet and I would also be looking at how much you were wrapped up.

If he moved out would you be able to cover all the costs yourself?

You’re being unfair. If you don’t want to charge him rent, that’s your choice. But you can’t make him pay all the bills. Bills should be 50/50. You’re eating your cake and having it too.

If you charged him a fair rent, then you’d be paying 50:50 bills and he’d probably end up paying around the same, but be less impacted by the winter increase in heating.

Because you don’t want to charge him rent, you’re making him pay all the bills. He’s not really saving anything, you’re getting the same money off him but making sure it’s documented so he doesn’t have any claim on your house. That’s fine; you don’t want him having a claim on your house, but you’re still essentially charging him to same as you would have.

You’re trying to keep full claim on your home and don’t need to pay any bills. Even though they can increase quite a lot.

You know that you can charge him rent and he doesn’t get a claim on your property, right? Just like a lodger.

Charge him rent, and split the bills 50:50 so that you absorb some of the winter fees.

(this is assuming that he’d live in a flat share with rent and bills split rather than a 3 bed house, or be a lodger elsewhere).

What an unpleasant, unkind, controlling tosser

Yeah I think expecting someone to be uncomfortable in their own home that they live in at a hugely subsidised cost, because its going to cost (comparatively) a bit more, is bonkers. Even if he did pay everything (eg because you were ill or got made redundant or were on mat leave) it would be mean to make someone you supposedly love sit in the cold with a blanket if you can afford for them to be comfortable. In a partnership youre meant to make decisions together not have one dictating because they paid more (we are painting the walls a colour you hate because I'm paying the decorator this time, type of thing). You both live there. What's next, is he going to ask you to eat plain pasta or rice a few evenings a week as he pays half the food bill.

Assuming you had put on a jumper etc first- I admit I would be a bit pissed off on principle more than anything else if someone had the heating on but was sitting there in shorts and t shirt.

I think given the cost of gas and electricity the matter of heating and energy use should be discussed and agreed - unless you are both so wealthy cost isn't an issue.
Surely you both should have already agreed what is an acceptable temperature for the home to be heated to?

I certainly wouldn't want someone in my own home that I own telling me I can't put the heating on. I'd tell him that yes the bills will go up in winter but it evens out over the whole year when you compare what you save in summer.

Its a bit of a strange set up you have financially though. You both use the utilities - its more normal for bills to be split. I'd charge him rent.

If you can afford to kick him out do it, of course you shouldn't be cold in your own home, otherwise have a chat about money, he shouldn't be dictating, but on the other hand I bet he's a bit resentful that you are putting your money into something tangible and is in fact an investment, whereas his money is in effect going up the chimney with nothing to show for it.

You should pay all bills then charge him a lodger fee per week to cover his share of bills.

Food should be 50-50.

Charge him rent and split the bills - or he can rent somewhere else and pay for everything.

Think carefully about whether you want to live with this man long term.

I know today is hot and I don’t want to have it on now but there were a few days last week it was much colder!

1 You’re allowed to decide to put the heating on in your home, whoever pays the bills.
2 Is he struggling to afford the bills? He probably is allowed to say something though not to moan.
3 How much does it actually cost to run the heating for say 2 hours? Are you tending to leave it on all night or something?
4 This rather unusual arrangement might not work?

Get a lodger. Kick out your partner. Cash flow fine.

I shout at myself for turning the heating on, but fully appreciate I'm the tight one in my relationship!

Doesn't sound like the financial set up is going to work Long term.
I bet more issues will appear.

For me the problem would be the fact he even uttered the words “I pay the bills so no you cane have the heating on”

Suggest he gets his own place and he can come to see you when he's cold!

As it’s your place, I’d kick him out!

Someone living rent free in a property I owned would not get to tell me I couldn’t put the heating on, even if he is paying those, comparatively much smaller, bills.