DP angry I put heating on as he “pays the bills” AIBU?

[Lily0o]

Last week when the weather was colder I put the heating on. My partner got into an argument with me over this saying it costs a fortune and turned it off. Told me to use blankets. I got into an argument with him over this. He started on at me about money, as he’s paying the bills etc.

He does “pay the bills” as our financial arrangement is that I own my own flat, so I pay the entire mortgage (as it is solely mine) and he doesn’t pay rent but he covers the gas and electric, council tax and half the food bills. I lived with him over the summer where this obviously wasn’t an issue but now it’s coming to winter he’s starting to aggravate me. I think he’s annoyed about paying all the bills. But I think our arrangement is fair? If he was renting a flat this size it would cost him £2500 a month (it’s 3 bedrooms in Brighton) and he’s paying a few hundred pounds every month.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, maybe I am? Just looking for opinions.

Thank you for all your comments btw xx Im still reading I’ll try to reply to the ones with questions

Do not put him on the deeds. If he doesn’t see how much of an advantage he has (he could save all the money he would be spending on rent) and is whinging about what he does pay then he’s basically a cock lodger.

I came into my relationship with DH with a property. We had something legally drawn up where he paid me peppercorn rent and he could not claim on the flat should we split up. It then turned into part of our prenup.

Ask him to do that (not the prenup bit clearly). If he doesn’t kick him out. He’s not there for you. Or at least he’s there as much for the free ride.

The OP says she is paying £2000 a month.
He is paying a few hundred pound for the bills.

The problem is that, in HIS HEAD, he is paying for everything by paying the bills on his own.
Not the uneven split that the OP is happy with anyway.

Charge him 50% of the bills plus the tax free amount for him renting a room which is around £70 per week. No doubt he will be much better off than where he was living previously.

His £70 will help cover the additional wear and and rear on the house plus compensate you for no longer having sole occupancy.

I was a homeowner and DH wasn’t when we met. When he moved in I calculated the monthly cost which included the mortgage and all bills, and he just sent me half of it.

Maybe move the utility bills to a monthly direct debit so it’s the same month and he can budget easier?

He is taking the P. He is paying peanuts compared to what rent would cost him so it’s perfectly reasonable to ask him to pay all the bills. It’s clear he doesn’t feel it’s fair, despite him paying a few hundreds pound compared to your 2k. Yes it’s your asset but he is still living very cheaply and so being tight about the heating is not on. It’s going to come up again no doubt, you shouldn’t be told you shouldn’t put the heating on if you’re cold

given how little he pays I would be having it on whenever I liked!!

Just say no. You pay £2000 per month abs he only paya several hundred. So the heating is going on when you want it to be on.

End of discussion. Its your flat!

Just to say, having lived in a few Brighton houses and flats... The vast majority are made of sodding bungaroosh so if you DONT heat them (and ventilate, and get a dehumidifier) you'll have mould in the blink of an eye. A few extra quid on heating Vs having to rip out a kitchen/fitted wardrobes/re plaster after extensive repairs seems like a good choice (ask me how I know?)

Most people still split the bills and the home owner pays the mortgage from what I’ve seen on here

Mortgage is £1920 pm, bills can vary, usually around £350 to £500 when I used to pay them (depends on the seasons). I’m fine with paying a lot more as I’m paying into an asset so not thinking that should be split equally.

I doubt OP is getting the same amount from him as she would if he was paying rent for a room even, let alone a rented flat share. He'd be paying about £800 just for a half decent room in a shared house in Brighton, and then probably bills on top.
He's getting a very good deal with OP and really shouldn't be trying to control the heating in this way.
I suggest you tell him to move out and get a lodger instead that pays rent and half the bills.

That amount includes council tax

I don’t think it’d fair for one person to get shouldered with the whole mortgage. It’s easy enough to divide a mortgage into repayment and interest. I think it’s fair for non owner to pay half the interest costs as they are benefitting from the place but not accruing an interest in the asset.

All of this. You’re having your cake and eating it too.

Yes, if you weren’t there he would be paying rent elsewhere. But if he weren’t there, you’d be paying mortgage plus all bills.

OP has made it clear she can afford mortgage and bills both. Her DP has a sweet deal here, paying maximum a quarter of what she is forking out and well below what even a room in a shared house plus bills and utilities would cost in Brighton.

Either your charge him rent and split the bills or you pay 50 of the bills if you don't what to charge him rent but he is technically right (as well as a tight fist and an idiot ) he is paying the bills in total.
In fact I wouldnt even offer, I would let him go. No interested in this pettiness I a relationship.

He’s living “rent free” but paying all the bills? Doesn’t that put him in a very vulnerable position financially? It’s not recommended to women on here to live like that! He is not being unreasonable.

Well OP what I will say to you is don’t have a child with this man. He will be an asshole during maternity leave.

Why should I be some kind of sugarmummy and baby a grown man so he can get on his feet? You haven’t done that for anyone and have benefited from someone else’s financial setup. No body GAVE me money. I own my own house through hard work and savings. I saved my deposit whilst renting! He makes atleast £3k a month and is paying to me MAXIMUM £500 a month! If he was renting alone he’d be paying £2500 a month.

^^ This.

My DH always tells me we cannot turn the heat on until mid-November, but completely in jest. This guy is taking the piss. He's got a very sweet deal.

I’d start following him round acting shocked when he walks on the floors you pay for, enters the doors you pay for etc etc what a prize he is! Get rid.

He’s not a partner. He’s a flat mate. Partners share everything, including money and a mutual desire for each other to be comfortable. If you need the heating on, put it on. A “partner” would understand and respect that and would also want you to be comfortable.

My word he's getting a good deal. Please tell me this is Brad Pitt's twin brother