Should I pay halves for the hotel?

[IFeelLikeChickenTonite]

I don’t think I should! It’s my DP’s (41) half marathon in Manchester this Sunday. He asked me to be there to support him, my DS11 will also attend and cheer him on. As it’s an early start and we live in Sheffield (about an hour away) DP has booked a family room in a Manchester hotel, only a Premier Inn but he said it was over £200 just for one night.
We had an argument last night because he’s suddenly asked me to pay half for the hotel. I said I didn’t think I should as it’s not a ‘jolly’ for me and DS as we still have to get up early and we have to hang around waiting for him to finish hs race. I don’t see why I should pay for the hotel if it’s his race and he wants us there to support him.
So as not to drip feed: we have been together 10 years, don’t live together (my choice). I recently came into a big inheritance (250k) but have paid for an expensive 6k villa holiday with kids and DP next summer - all paid for by me. I have paid off our car loan of 4k. I have bought him meals out. However I am on a low income (self employed) with rubbish private pension, I am 51 so aware I shouldn’t be eating too much into the capital and saving for my retirement.
When I had to sort out my late mum’s estate in Devon he drove me down but I paid for everything- including hotels in Exeter, Plymouth and Paignton, and petrol as I knew it wasn’t a ‘jolly’ for him.
I’m fuming that he expects money for me to attend his marathon and think my inheritance has influenced this sudden bout of ‘tightness’. AIBU?

I don’t think you are unreasonable BUT for the sake of £100 in the circumstances you describe, I don’t think I would argue. I would, however, start to mentally record these instances and see if a pattern emerges.

You talk about your financial situation but not his. Perhaps things are tight for him, so he feels as his long term partner it’s only fair to ask you to pay half. Presumably, a family room is costing him more than a room for just him?

You make it sound like he just went ahead and booked it without discussion so I’d expect that he’s paying. Otherwise there should have been some discussion beforehand about a) whether the hotel was necessary and b) which hotel to book. But anyway, you’re only going to support him, it’s not like you’re planning a nice weekend away for fun so YANBU.

No I wouldnt expect u to pay. Make sure you invest a large chunk of your inheritance now (pension etc) before it gets chipped away

YANBU. What a tight arse! I wouldn’t be spending any more of my money on anything for him. Ask him for half the expensive holiday cost, see how he likes them apples 😂

No, don't pay.
If he insists then maybe suggest he goes alone.

I think perhaps your relationship has run its course (pun intended)

Supporting a loved one is something people usually enjoy. You sound miserable about the whole thing ‘not a jolly’ ‘get up early’ ‘hang around’ whereas I would be excited and planning something to do with DS too whilst away. The sharing of costs isn’t coming easily because you don't want to go, not becsue it’s unfair.

For the sake of £100 I’d pay it. Is the DS his DS too?

Nah, a relationship can be fine without getting excited about going away to get up early and watch a marathon!

Have you pointed out what seems like a double standard eg you paying 100% on trip relating to your life and being expected to pay 50% on his trip. I’m sorry about your mum by the way.

Usually I’d say just pay 50% but that does seem unreasonable given all the other things you’ve paid for recently. You’re being very generous with your inheritance and it does make him seem tight.

I can't imagine sitting on quarter of a million pounds and expecting someone else to pay my share of the hotel room.

Now your son is 11, it's really your choice to work self employed bringing in a low wage.

I don't really see why you think you shouldn't pay for your share of the room? Of course it's always nice is someone offers to treat you, but the default assumption should be that you'd cover your own costs, surely?

It's really not worth an argument for a tiny amount like £100. Just pay your half, and then everyone can enjoy the weekend.
Separately, get some investment advice so that the money from your inheritance can be properly managed to provide for your retirement.

No it’s not his child

If your DC is also his DC, he should definitely be paying, and if they’re just your DC then they probably don’t want to spend their weekend standing in the cold watching their Mum’s bf run 🙄

In short, either he should be paying, or you shouldn’t be going.

i don't see the point of even getting a hotel room if you live an hour away. Even with an early start. And who will be paying for the food whilst you're there .. he probably expects you to. Nothing more unattractive than a tight arse IMO.

Sounds like he only wanted you to come so he could get you to pay for half of the hotel room

Yes ask him for half of the £6k holiday and see what he says then. Or tell him to cancel it and get a standard room ( which costs the same at Premier Inn anyway) and you and DS won’t come to support him.

I'd pay it if your son really wants to go. If he isn't bothered then keep him home and your partner can book a single room instead.

Yes that's an excellent point 👆

Oh and £250k as pension provision will not go far at all. You are wise not to spend the capital.

Agree with pp above Id pay if DS wants to go. But if youre all being dragged along reluctantly then he should pay.

If it’s an hour away I wouldn’t want to stay in the hotel anyway. He can stay at the hotel and you can sleep and home and do to watch after driving up. I think I’d see if my son could go to a friends though.

I’d cancel the £6K holiday though. Take some time to decide if that is what you want to do with your inheritance.

Tell him you’ll knock the £100 off his share of the villa holiday!

But presumably she offered to pay, and the holiday was booked on that basis. It wouldn't be fair to move the goalposts now.

He hasn't offered to pay for this trip, so it's a bit cheeky of OP to assume she doesn't need to pay for herself and her son. If she was only prepared to go on the basis of him shouldering her costs, she should have discussed this before making arrangements to go.

Tell him that since you paid for the hotels when he went with you plus you are paying 6k for the holiday villa you find him unreasonable to no invite you when you are there just to support him. If he refuses I would just not go. It's so tedious so maybe this will be your ticket out.

I think you should pay because you said you wanted to be there with him so you're now all doing it together, ehich changes the costs.

Why would you say yes and expect him to pay full costs for a family room/breakfasts? Otherwise he could have booked to go alone (which you may all have been happier with).

I wouldn't have said yes just because I expected it to be free.