Should I pay halves for the hotel?

[IFeelLikeChickenTonite]

I don’t think I should! It’s my DP’s (41) half marathon in Manchester this Sunday. He asked me to be there to support him, my DS11 will also attend and cheer him on. As it’s an early start and we live in Sheffield (about an hour away) DP has booked a family room in a Manchester hotel, only a Premier Inn but he said it was over £200 just for one night.
We had an argument last night because he’s suddenly asked me to pay half for the hotel. I said I didn’t think I should as it’s not a ‘jolly’ for me and DS as we still have to get up early and we have to hang around waiting for him to finish hs race. I don’t see why I should pay for the hotel if it’s his race and he wants us there to support him.
So as not to drip feed: we have been together 10 years, don’t live together (my choice). I recently came into a big inheritance (250k) but have paid for an expensive 6k villa holiday with kids and DP next summer - all paid for by me. I have paid off our car loan of 4k. I have bought him meals out. However I am on a low income (self employed) with rubbish private pension, I am 51 so aware I shouldn’t be eating too much into the capital and saving for my retirement.
When I had to sort out my late mum’s estate in Devon he drove me down but I paid for everything- including hotels in Exeter, Plymouth and Paignton, and petrol as I knew it wasn’t a ‘jolly’ for him.
I’m fuming that he expects money for me to attend his marathon and think my inheritance has influenced this sudden bout of ‘tightness’. AIBU?

What? God no! There's really no need for a hotel anyway. Elite runners start at about 9am, and I'm going to assume he isn't in that group. It's really no different to commuting an hour to work!

Tell him to jog there and back and stay home lol

What others have said - ask if this is how he views things when he’s paying his share of the villa holiday and would he prefer you knock the £100 off that balance.

I know you’ve been together a while but he seems to have developed grabby-itis. I’d check that behaviour now and then take some legal advice about how to protect your inheritance from an unmarried long term partner both in living separately and if you end up cohabiting.

i wonder if the subject of moving in together has come up since your mum passed?

Protect and invest your assets wisely.

He is a wannabe cocklodger. Dump him.

And uninvite him from the holiday.

Watching your partner run is a total ballache!! Parking and city access is often restricted so you need to arrive really early. Loos are then an issue. You hang around until they start and then hand around for an hour or two whilst they run (if you are lucky you can find a cafe for that bit) and then there is the terrible traffic to leave!
I do this with my DP fairly often but we'd generally book nearby AirB&Bs for races more than an hour away so we don't have to be there at 7am to park and so I have somewhere to go back to whilst he is out on the course. We live together so finances are joint but in your situation I'd not want to pay £100 to have a boring and chilly Saturday morning waiting on him!

No you shouldn't.

Why are you frittering your money away on a mean man.
You will bitterly regret it.
Cancel the holiday.
Start waking up to being very very careful with this windfall.
It will not last the way you are spending it and you will regret your foolishness.

It's not far from Sheffield to Manchester but I can see why he wants to stop over - if he's in an earlier wave he'll need to be in the start area by 8.15/8.30 and parking will be an absolute nightmare. Train would obviously be preferable but, this being the north, the first train of the day won't be early enough on a Sunday.

Honestly, I would be looking forward to making a bit of a night of it. Go out for dinner (pasta?!) and then you and your DS have a lie in on the Sunday morning while he heads to the start. Unless he's a very steady runner he's not going to be out there for too long so it's not as if there's loads of hanging around to be done.

Money-wise, yes I think you're being a bit tight. With the amount of money you're sitting on, is it really worth that level of angst? Or perhaps ask him to pay for the hotel room and you'll cover dinner and drinks. I think the drama over this one perhaps illustrates the relationship is dead in the water anyway. I'd be thinking "oh, nice weekend away, where shall we book to eat", not totting up lists of who's paid for what. That is, if I wasn't skint.. which you are not?

Well if you ask me I think a hotel room for a half marathon is a huge luxury. But I run over 20 races a year so getting my family to support isn't a done thing any more. Even marathons they don't come any more.

I'd say he rebooks to a single room and goes himself night before to faff about and sort himself if he needs to.

Then you and your DS get the train there later on the day and support if needed.

I agree you should be very careful with your inheritance- get it properly locked up in something high interest - in fact I’d take some financial advice about investing it etc

Thats your security for when you’re older.

Seems like your DP thinks it’s extra money for him to burn through?

I don’t think I’d be paying half in these circumstances or feeling like going along anymore.

I would sit down and say you hadn’t budgeted for paying for this trip, as it was framed as an invitation, so not to worry and you’ll be staying home. If you get pushback, I’d then outline everything you have paid for and the reasoning you’ve set out here. In particular that you are still on a low income and need to be careful!

I think you have bigger issues in your relationship than contributing to the cost of a hotel room.

Yes, of course it can - particularly if you’ve been to a lot of these events before - it’s just a boring pain in the arse where you fight your way through crowds of people, see your loved one for literally 10 seconds if you’re lucky and hold things for them then try to find them at the end!

No you shouldn't pay.

He asked you to go to support him, he pats. Just like you paid when he went to support/drive you.

I'm sorry about your mum 😌

10 years is a decent amount of time to be together, but it's not a reason to spend the next 30/40/50 years together. I'd really think hard about whether I wanted to still be with someone who is now showing their true colours, which I didn't much like.

I wouldn't be spending/wasting that much money to pay for his share of a holiday now, that's for sure.

Stuff that. It's not exactly a fun outing for you is it? If he wants you there, he should pay the expenses. And if he can't put one foot in front of the other without 'support', he probably shouldn't be running anywhere.

I know it feels like a lot of money but I would be feeding that money into pension / ISA over time and continuing to live off my income. It is not that much to last in retirement. I get paying off loans but I would recommend ditching the big holidays and meals out - at your expense - going forwards. You are taking money from your retirement and from your son and giving it to your partner instead!
I suspect the problem here is that your partner is well aware how much you have inherited and is aware you have the money to (more than) pay your way at the moment. I would tackle it head on. Say you have done the holiday as a one off but the inheritance you have is for your retirement and your son’ future and you will be investing the lot, tying it up and unavailable and will continue to live off your income going forwards. Then go halves, or whatever your previous situation was (assuming it was fair) on costs. If he can’t afford a particular holiday/ activity, or you on your self employment income can’t, then you, plural, can’t do it. I disagree with previous posters, it is not ‘just’ £100. It is a principle for how your life as a couple going forward will be lived. Explain why his request is unreasonable using some of the good arguments put by previous posters and be prepared for more arguments in the future until he accepts that money is not available for family money or until you separate over it.

I don’t really think you need a hotel

Family rooms in Premier Inns cost the same as a single room, the only extras cost would be breakfast for you (children are free) so I think he is being cheeky.

Also he could have booked a Travelodge for £150

Do you know the difference in price between what (the room only) would have cost just for him vs for the three of you? I just did a sample search on the Premier Inn site (may not have been the same Mancs hotel) and whether I search for 1 adult / 0 children / Single or 2 adults / 1 child (which defaults to Family) the cheapest option I'm given is a basic Family Room and the price is the same either way. I'm not sure most if any Premier Inns even HAVE single rooms as standard, and I've often been assigned a family room travelling solo especially if booking last minute or in a busy time as it's all that's left.

If it would have cost him the same to stay on his own, he's taking the piss inviting you then expecting you to pay half or 2/3 or whatever he asked. But regardless, I'd have expected him to pay if he ASKED me to come support him, and if he'd expected me to reimburse him he'd better have checked with me before locking in the room!

I might have been better to just not even tell how much your inheritance was. All you needed to say was there was- an inheritance. People always want more!
Another time never give out detail…be ‘economical with the truth’?

Well if you ask me I think a hotel room for a half marathon is a huge luxury. But I run over 20 races a year so getting my family to support isn't a done thing any more. Even marathons they don't come any more

Well yes. My family don't come and watch me any more either as they've seen far too many races over the years and they're boring now. Unless it's one of the big fun ones where we can make a family weekend of it (eg London marathon) and in that case I don't expect them to wait and watch me on the course; we'd just meet up afterwards.

That doesn't sound like the case here though. The OP doesn't say the DP is a regular runner and the fact he's asked for her support on the day suggests he's quite new to it. So not quite the same thing as those of us who do these things all the time.

Ask him to pay half the villa and the car charge then - so what £5k?

What a tight arse. This would seriously put me off him and question our future.

Your inheritance is needed for your future. Not to subsidise him..don’t fall for this.

Also - for a race an hour away there is zero need to stay overnight!

Someone said you should pay but see if its part of a pattern, but I think its already part of a pattern.
You have paid for

• an expensive 6k villa holiday with kids and DP
• paid off our car loan of 4k.
• bought him meals out.
• When you wanted him to support you in Devon you paid for everything- hotels in Exeter, Plymouth and Paignton, and petrol as it wasn’t a ‘jolly’ for him.

It's clear you need to be careful with this inheritance as you need to save for your retirement.

It's also clear that he's got different priorities.

Do you really want to spend a day watching a Marathon? I think he should definely pay for this outing... I'd be tempted to decline if he didn't

and you need to invest your money and be careful tthat he doesn't expect you to constantly dip into it... or it will be gone before you know it.

That would be my first comment as I was dumping his cheapskate arse!

This is rubbish. ‘The amount of money you’re sitting on’.

She doesn’t have a well paid job or a decent pension. She needs every penny of that £250k. It won’t go as far as she thinks. She’s already subbed him what £5k??! She will fritter this away on him - we don’t know if he has a decent job and a pension?

He clearly expects her to sub him and spend a lot of this inheritance on him. Big red flag. They are not married. OP protect this money!