Should I pay halves for the hotel?

[IFeelLikeChickenTonite]

I don’t think I should! It’s my DP’s (41) half marathon in Manchester this Sunday. He asked me to be there to support him, my DS11 will also attend and cheer him on. As it’s an early start and we live in Sheffield (about an hour away) DP has booked a family room in a Manchester hotel, only a Premier Inn but he said it was over £200 just for one night.
We had an argument last night because he’s suddenly asked me to pay half for the hotel. I said I didn’t think I should as it’s not a ‘jolly’ for me and DS as we still have to get up early and we have to hang around waiting for him to finish hs race. I don’t see why I should pay for the hotel if it’s his race and he wants us there to support him.
So as not to drip feed: we have been together 10 years, don’t live together (my choice). I recently came into a big inheritance (250k) but have paid for an expensive 6k villa holiday with kids and DP next summer - all paid for by me. I have paid off our car loan of 4k. I have bought him meals out. However I am on a low income (self employed) with rubbish private pension, I am 51 so aware I shouldn’t be eating too much into the capital and saving for my retirement.
When I had to sort out my late mum’s estate in Devon he drove me down but I paid for everything- including hotels in Exeter, Plymouth and Paignton, and petrol as I knew it wasn’t a ‘jolly’ for him.
I’m fuming that he expects money for me to attend his marathon and think my inheritance has influenced this sudden bout of ‘tightness’. AIBU?

Exactly this.

Time to wise up.

Am really pleased that he's done the right thing! Hope Manchester good fun after all.

I am intrigued by your car and living situation. Of course no-one has to live with their partner if they don't want to but it's interesting why you don't live together if he is at yours 5 or 6 nights each week anyway, has no kids and neither of you were flush for money (before your inheritance). You could rent one of the properties out if they are both owned or mortgaged.

Were you paying the car loan 50:50 before you paid it off? Do you split bills for repairs/MOT/insurance and fuel?

Honestly he sounds worse with every update

10 years no ring he happily stays at your house your dime throws a few quid here and there and you accept it

I wouldn't

He's got his eyes on the prize here OP, watch out!

I agree. He wants that holiday and anything else he can get. Was he cheap before you got the inheritance?

Like I said, get professional advice from someone who has fiduciary duty and get that money squared away for your future.

Tiny?

Might be in light of the inheritance but otherwise not

I can see both sides of this.. but my main thought was actually that if you're arguing over things like this, is it really going to work out? Disagreements over money is a huge cause of problems for many couples.

If my DP was doing a race and I was going to watch, I'd see it as a little trip for us. Yeah, I'd watch the race, but then we'd probably go for a meal afterwards and would have had a nice evening the night before. We always go halves with hotels.

It sounds like you just don't want to go, so why not just tell him you'll give it a miss?

Also, why did you have a car loan together when you don't live together? That's weird.

Op I think you need to be careful too. Invest the money. How much was the car? And the holiday? Are you paying all of the bills at home with him staying there so often?

I am getting alarm bells here too

Tell him if he wants you there then he should pay .
If he won't then don't go.
You need to protect your inheritance for your future.

No, you don't have to live together to share a car but most lenders require two people taking out joint finance to live at the same address, which you don't. Be very, very careful here, OP.

are you sure you want to stay together?

What do you mean by you don’t live together?

Surely spending 5-6 nights together at yours is essentially living together at yours?

Did you just mean you don’t share a mortgage or lease?

YANBU to protect your inheritance and want to continue paying halves.

YABU talking to your partner like a work colleague. Your message was very cold. Actually your whole relationship seems very transactional.

Nosey aren’t you, Winter? 🤣 I like my own space a couple of nights a week, so does he, he has a flat. The arrangement suits us. I don’t want to combine finances as I’ve been through a divorce already and it was a ball ache. I own my own home and I want my inheritance to go to my 2 DC.

The car’s in my name, we paid 50:50 for everything before the inheritance. Including petrol, repairs, MOT. Then I just wanted it paid off !

OP, youbsound great, certainly not a daft woman prepared to accept bullshit.

However, you are still being very generous and he's definitely tight.
Be wary, your son will need your support.

Honestly @IFeelLikeChickenTonite I think you are doing the right thing not moving him in permanently but I still would strongly suggest legal advice and perhaps even look at a cohabitation agreement.

It sounds intense but if you feel like he’s changed since your inheritance then perhaps you need to trust that gut instinct and make sure all your assets are protected.

I know he’s said he’ll pay for this Manchester trip but I find it kinda weird that he’s changed his tune on such a sharp turn around. It makes me question if he’s just keeping the peace for the long goal of reaping the rewards so to speak from your inheritance

It’s in your name, it’s kept at your house, he has a works van, and you mainly use it as weekends (mainly to ferry your kids around?).

I think he’s been pretty generous to consider it a shared expense tbh.