Should I pay halves for the hotel?

[IFeelLikeChickenTonite]

I don’t think I should! It’s my DP’s (41) half marathon in Manchester this Sunday. He asked me to be there to support him, my DS11 will also attend and cheer him on. As it’s an early start and we live in Sheffield (about an hour away) DP has booked a family room in a Manchester hotel, only a Premier Inn but he said it was over £200 just for one night.
We had an argument last night because he’s suddenly asked me to pay half for the hotel. I said I didn’t think I should as it’s not a ‘jolly’ for me and DS as we still have to get up early and we have to hang around waiting for him to finish hs race. I don’t see why I should pay for the hotel if it’s his race and he wants us there to support him.
So as not to drip feed: we have been together 10 years, don’t live together (my choice). I recently came into a big inheritance (250k) but have paid for an expensive 6k villa holiday with kids and DP next summer - all paid for by me. I have paid off our car loan of 4k. I have bought him meals out. However I am on a low income (self employed) with rubbish private pension, I am 51 so aware I shouldn’t be eating too much into the capital and saving for my retirement.
When I had to sort out my late mum’s estate in Devon he drove me down but I paid for everything- including hotels in Exeter, Plymouth and Paignton, and petrol as I knew it wasn’t a ‘jolly’ for him.
I’m fuming that he expects money for me to attend his marathon and think my inheritance has influenced this sudden bout of ‘tightness’. AIBU?

I understand him booking a hotel room, for him only, as he would need to be up early for the marathon.

But I don’t see why he needed to book a family room without consulting you first? I used to commute from Sheffield to Manchester daily -it’s hardly a journey that requires an overnight stay for a day thing.

I wouldn’t be paying, as I wouldn’t be staying. I’d just take the 50min train on the day.

Good on you. I find something taking advantage of somebody financially more reprehensible than physical cheating. I could perhaps forgive a man who had a one time slip more easily than I could forgive a man who had behaved like your dp. He is very keen to spend your money and quite frankly you have frittered enough on him. Get that money invested straight away and have it compounding away. I am in a position to retire early and believe me it takes years off your face, more than any face cream, to know that my job is now essentially a hobby. I inherited money from my parents and that is socked away in term deposits and various investment funds. It has never been touched and my husband has never had a penny of it spent on him and wouldn't expect it. This is probably your last chance to have a decent amount of equity saved if you are 51 years old and on quite a low income with all the uncertainties of being self employed. This is the money that should be kept to prevent you having a cold pennypinching retirement after working yourself half to death. If you are going to be spending any money, and I don't think you should, it should be going towards your son's education, not your scrooge partner.

No I wouldn’t pay.

I would pay. 🙄🤷‍♀️

It is in the OP, she is 51. If it were me, and I had very little saved for retirement, pretty much all of it would be going into a retirement fund. One big holiday, clear debts (both already done by OP) and then invest the rest.

Surprised at the mugs willing to pay, no wonder men get away with being arseholes.

In my experience, and I've learned this through trial and error, if you don't have shared finances, it is best to split everything down the middle. Holidays and half-marathon hotel stays! Just discuss it before hand - so you only do things together that both of you are happy to pay for. Just don't expect that because you paid for the luxury holiday he will pay for his half-marathon hotel. Unfair, I know, in an ideal world he should reciprocate and be gracious but if you are in the world of splitting everything, best to be clear about what you pay for and what you don't.

"Our" car loan? Whose car is it? Is it a shared asset?

You are wise not to move him in but you need to be very clear in your own mind about whether or not you are a financial unit. It sounds very much like you need to keep strict boundaries in place to protect your financial interests here.

Absolutely this.

And as other pp have urged you, OP - get that money invested in your pension.

I would pay the hotel, cheer him in the race, come back and dump him within a week with something in the lines: It is not you, it is me, I fell I need time (and not a tight arse around me), we can be friends etc etc.

@Delatron OP has said he pays 50% for holidays when the DC go to, so unless DC are completely free he pays towards them

🤣🤣🤣

She’s not “ sitting on it “ - it’s for her future. Lots for people who don’t think they are rich have more than £250,000 in their house and their pension and savings .

It doesn't mean that they have to fund everyone else.

No way would I pay half the hotel room when you're only going at his request. It's boring to wait around for someone to finish a long run, and he's lucky you were willing to go at all.

only a Premier Inn but he said it was over £200 just for one night.

It sounds a lot. Which gold plated Premier did he book?

Exactly!! They don’t even live together!!

"Our car loan"???

How is it "our" if you dont live together?

But id be annoyed too, and extra £100 for him when you've paid £6k for next years holiday is a pisstake.

That is standard on a Saturday night of an event in Manchester. I regularly stay in Premier Inns and Travelodges there and unless you book way in advance that is the price.

Do you mean you paid off his car loan or your own? I am struggling to understand how you would have a joint car when you don’t live together?

It sounds like he’s seen the pound signs because of your inheritance, but it really won’t last you for long in retirement.

This is his hobby and his excursion. I would expect him to fund the weekend.

Yes get that lump sum into a pension ASAP

You need to book an appointment with your equivalent of a certified financial planner who has a fiduciary duty to you and get some of that inheritance invested.

Your partner is feeling entitled to you paying for holidays now and he spends much of his time at yours without paying his share. You paid off a car loan, was that yours, his, or joint? It sounds like he's always been a bit cheap and is starting to try to take advantage of your inheritance. Get that money where he can't get his hands on it, that's for your future years and possibly your kid.

I'd break up over this. I think there's too much possibility of it escalating to financial abuse. You're paying for big holidays and a car loan and your bills are higher because of him and now he expects you to pay for half a hotel room at his run. I wouldn't go. That would be it.

Great message, and you need to require him to pay more towards his way more often. Asking you to pay to support him here was an absolute pisstake.

Speaking from experience here as a runner and someone who trailed around after my dad in races when I was a kid.

It would be much better for him to have a room on his own and not be disturbed or disturb you in the morning, then he can make an early start. Sheffield to Manchester is easy on the train and there's no need for you all to stay over.

Travel at a civilised time, find a place to wave at him half way round then at the end. Then go to a restaurant or pub and have him meet you there for a bite to eat.

Why did he book a family room if he didn't expect you there???