Should I pay halves for the hotel?

[IFeelLikeChickenTonite]

I don’t think I should! It’s my DP’s (41) half marathon in Manchester this Sunday. He asked me to be there to support him, my DS11 will also attend and cheer him on. As it’s an early start and we live in Sheffield (about an hour away) DP has booked a family room in a Manchester hotel, only a Premier Inn but he said it was over £200 just for one night.
We had an argument last night because he’s suddenly asked me to pay half for the hotel. I said I didn’t think I should as it’s not a ‘jolly’ for me and DS as we still have to get up early and we have to hang around waiting for him to finish hs race. I don’t see why I should pay for the hotel if it’s his race and he wants us there to support him.
So as not to drip feed: we have been together 10 years, don’t live together (my choice). I recently came into a big inheritance (250k) but have paid for an expensive 6k villa holiday with kids and DP next summer - all paid for by me. I have paid off our car loan of 4k. I have bought him meals out. However I am on a low income (self employed) with rubbish private pension, I am 51 so aware I shouldn’t be eating too much into the capital and saving for my retirement.
When I had to sort out my late mum’s estate in Devon he drove me down but I paid for everything- including hotels in Exeter, Plymouth and Paignton, and petrol as I knew it wasn’t a ‘jolly’ for him.
I’m fuming that he expects money for me to attend his marathon and think my inheritance has influenced this sudden bout of ‘tightness’. AIBU?

I couldn't be bothered with that shit op

You have an 11 year old child, surely you have bigger fish to fry than buggering about going halves on hotels with some dude

Yes it really is a choice - a choice she has not to work a shit job if she doesn't want to now she has a financial cushion. It's not money to pay for a cocklodger and an unnecessary (for her) hotel room.

good god no given all you have paid for !!

Really! So he pays half of a holiday. What once a year? When there are two adults on that holiday. Hardly subsiding a child.! Yet lives at hers 5/6 days a week and pays nothing towards bills. And she’s paid 6k already towards a holiday and a joint car.

I don’t see that as him in any way subsidising her child. Why are you defending him?

You obviously haven't hung about for hours to watch 3 seconds of your DP racing past.
It's as dull as fuck!

No he doesn’t. Yes he occasionally will pay for things for my DC.

All this over a half marathon that’ll be over in 90-mins, if that? Tell him to do one.

In your situation, I would get that money invested and out of reach, and start referring to it in conversation as your pension. It'll make a big different in old age so you don't want it dwindling away.

Don't go OP, he's doing you no favours, we went to watch DD do it last year, massive achievement for her, love her to bits, but it was boring as shit and a bloody long day, why would you drag it out another day and have the privilege of paying to be bored shitless, doing your own marathon dodging from viewing point to viewing point and then back to the finish to cheer them on.

What's in it for you? absolutely F-all.

You don’t have to live together to share a car! Until I got the inheritance and paid it off, we were going 50:50 on a car loan. It’s parked at mine but we only tend to use at weekends as I work from home. He has a work van.

Don’t know. He said the prices are inflated because of the marathon.

This message will surely be the end of your relationship OP?

Quite right not to subsidise, and to speak up for yourself, but sending a text with that tone, instead of speaking to your partner who you see 5-6 times a week? I’d be out.

He’s your partner of 10 years, it sounds nuts that you even have separate finances let alone are quibbling over £100 🙄 🙄

Tell him you're not spending a hundred quid to avoid a hop over the Pennines and you'll set your alarm on time.

If you still feel like cheerleading, that is...

No actually, he’s backed down and says he’ll pay for the Manchester expenses. Quite right too!

They don’t live together or have any kids together so why would they have joint finances?

It’s OK to have a relationship and maintain independence.

Each to their own. I wouldn’t want to be with someone I felt I had to text in that way to, or who sent me texts like that.

The OP has already said that she paid his costs on a £6k villa holiday.. and for at least 3 hotels when he drove her to Devon for family reasons. And meals out. And she repaid his car loan £4k

He invited her to the half marathon to support him. Its not a holiday for her.

How many DC do you have?

I'd say you were the one being tight, what with that lump of cash in the bank.

I'd tell him that you don't want to stay over, and that you and your DS will come over in the morning. By train.

He can have a quiet evening in the hotel, and see you after the race.

For sure you can pay if you want - but going forward you must be clear with him that your money is tied up in investments and pensions for your future, and that any hotels or things like this in the future, where he is going to expect you to contribute money, are discussed before booking.

@IFeelLikeChickenTonite should be either topping up her pension, setting up another one or locking it away to bring in an income. Otherwise that money will be frittered away.

He's scared of the prospect of losing the villa holiday.

I still think you should dump him.

I wouldnt mix finances with someone i didnt live with.

Maybe thats where you've gone wrong and why he was expecting you to cough up £100 for a night in a hotel you didnt ask for.

My thoughts exactly. He's expecting you to share the inheritance by funding your joint lifestyle. Expect him to be skint more often now he could clearly afford the hotel when he backed down so quickly might hav been the panic at losing the holiday....