To be disappointed that my mom's husband donated things I would have loved

[Kate8889]

My mom husband (I was 23 when they met so don't see him as a father figure) recently donated a big box of video games, consoles etc, I saw it in a box in the garage. I have always wanted to have a video game system but have never been able to afford one.

I asked my mom if I could possibly have some of the items and she said no, these were specifically going for donation to be dropped off at a local store.

I asked if I could possibly buy with a discount, also told no, that there are things that remind him of a past relationship and he doesn't want to see them when he visits my house.

I was 28 I think, was helping my mom pay off the house at the time so she wouldn't have interest.

It’s perfectly reasonable to be disappointed. He sounds quite mean and spiteful.

That said, it’s his stuff so he gets to be as petty and miserable as he likes with it.

Just find the console on Vinted and crack on.

How is your mum in this relationship? Does she seem happy?

Nah not exactly happy but that's not on me to fix or remedy, I've told her she can come stay with us anytime if she feels she needs to/feels unsafe

That’s a perfect way to handle it. Keep the door open for her.

He sounds like an arse but you sound so entitled too tbh
"Weh but I could have had that console. I've never owned a console and I couldn't possibly BUY a console"

A PS2 with accessories and shed ton of games is like £150 on Ebay without much looking

If you were that desperate then you could just buy one

(And the whole nails in the wall thing is kind pathetic on your behalf too...)

This is clearly not about the console then !

Dump them from your life OP. Why would you even want to know dickheads like this?

obviously he is not a very nice person. It might be his stuff, but most nice people would give this type of stuff to their step child because to do otherwise is extremely petty and mean.

You sound young- just remember this is no reflection on you or your worth that he is an arse.

They both sound like knobs. Just glad you're not living with them.

How often do you see your mum? Pare it right down.

He just doesn’t want you to have it. It is very clear!! Find out which charity they have been “donated” to and go and buy them from them

I don't think it was wrong of him/them not to offer them to you, but I do think the reaction when you said how much you'd love to have them and offered to pay was weird and mean. Not a lot you can do about it, though. I'd probably worry less bout him since you already know he's a creep and be more disappointed that your mum didn't stick up for you, maybe less so about this and more so when he went bonkers and tried inappropriately to control you before you moved out.

https://ebay.us/m/PWXOU3

£37 for a PS2.

Really don't understand the vote here. They are being unbelievably selfish, it's actually weird.

Maybe they’re fed up of her? Can you imaging putting up art in the home you live in, with permission of the majority owner, and having someone complain about it because of a few easy to fill holes? And to have them still going in about it several years later, and actually thinking things like “well, when mum dies, I’ll have to fill those holes.” And to also have a fully grown working adult getting so worked up because she can’t possible buy a games console as grandma needs some pressies.

I mean, really? OP sounds like such a down in the dumps martyr.

You seem really het up about this. Is there something else going on here?

I may close this thread because this is getting to be lot. But there were about 20 paintings he wanted to hang, before when I had to fill in holes from a previous stepfather it took me about 8 hours total with filling, sanding painting, it was miserable.

It's a bit of a weird thing to do and to me suggests he has greater issues with you, most people would be happy to transfer them, or let you buy them and donate the money to charity instead. It sounds like he is making excuse after excuse to prevent them going to you. Still, it is his stuff and it's up to him what he does with it.

I suppose the greater question is if he is so mean about something like this, what will happen with family heirlooms in the future ?

If I were you I would go on ebay and get my own console. You can pick up PS3 as cheap as chips with a load of great games.

But you don’t need to fill the holes. It isn’t your house.

What is it with adult children believing they have ownership over their parent’s belongings. It isn’t your inheritance yet.

If my mom wants to rent it out or sell I will be the one helping and doing this work

Yes, adult children believing they have ownership over their parents.

My mum and dad are mid 60s but great health, not in any medications, no history of any ill health. But anytime they do anything to their house, or make any big purchases, my sister will go on about it for ages. She doesn’t outright say why, but we all know it’s because she is thinking, “they’re ruining my inheritance.”

OP has nothing to do with her mum’s house anymore, it’s been several years since she did. But she’s genuinely still thinking about filling some holes from hanging paintings when her mum dies… so I imagine she probably does go on a bit and they’re fed up of her.

When my mom needs repairs or anything similar done, I'm the one who does it or hires it out

But why are you thinking about that while they're still living there? Everything else aside, that really is strange. And miserable.

So? Say no then.

The hypothetical idea of your mum maybe renting the house out in 20 years is not a reason to say “don’t hang pictures.”

Peiple need to live their lives, and enjoy the things they have. Not live with the attitude of “don’t do anything we might have to fix in 20 years.”

Because this husband may move out tomorrow with no warning like her previous one

Honestly, I really wouldn’t begrudge my mum a few days of DIY. I wouldn’t even consider mentioning it or thinking ahead to it just because they hung up some art.

It doesn’t paint you in a great light. The step dad sounds like a proper nasty piece of work, but you’ve made yourself sound like a bit of a pain too.

So what? They don’t have to stop living their lives just to keep you happy because of “maybe.”
It’s a bit of DIY, that you may never need to do. But it’s still in your head as a problem. Which tells me that you may be a bit of a problem for them.

He is still awful, and sounds clearly nasty. But you’re not sounding great.