To be disappointed that my mom's husband donated things I would have loved

[Kate8889]

My mom husband (I was 23 when they met so don't see him as a father figure) recently donated a big box of video games, consoles etc, I saw it in a box in the garage. I have always wanted to have a video game system but have never been able to afford one.

I asked my mom if I could possibly have some of the items and she said no, these were specifically going for donation to be dropped off at a local store.

I asked if I could possibly buy with a discount, also told no, that there are things that remind him of a past relationship and he doesn't want to see them when he visits my house.

PS3s are £50 quid - it's the last of the offline PlayStation's. Graphics are still great. Games are 3 quid at CEx. Don't sweat it.

Oh Give over.
Of course he's an arse. Your mother too.
Remember that when they next need or want something from you.

Giving to charity isn’t mean.

How old was the system? Try selling sites for a bargain, a lot of people sell cheaply as they're upgrading before Christmas.

The kids are 2.5 and 6 months, I would think in three years or when they can play, technology will have advanced tremendously in terms of graphics/options

It’s not very generous of him, I think it’s a bit mean, least you know now how to treat him in future.

Giving to a charity shop and not telling the OP which one is mean. Refusing to take money for it when the OP offered is mean (he could have donated the money to charity, since he's so big hearted).

Telling the OP he simply doesn't want her to have it is mean.

Just seen its 12 years old. It is not worth the agro, not sure if there is still updates for that model.
Ask on your local fb group, I have passed on old stuff for free before.

If a 15 year old PS was something you desperately wanted, then a PS that’s a few years old when you’re kids are 5/6 and can play Mario kart really shouldn’t bother you.

They’d get a new up to date one when they’re teens but buying a PS5 or even a PS4 now will mean you still have a very usable console in a few years when they can play the family games with you.

He's clearly an arse, but that has nothing to do with the games console.

When I had something I didn't want because it had associated bad memories, I took it to a charity shop 20 miles away so I would never think about it again and knew it would never be around when I went to a friend of family member's house I could have given it to. I just wanted to zap it out of existence.

Other people having a similar thing didn't bother me, it was that particular one bound up with difficult memories.

So from that perspective I can understand not giving it to you.

However, from his other behaviour he's a dick head, so wouldn't have shared anyway.

I started my kids off on an old console- a Wii- because I wanted them to have the joy of playing these games with me (Wii has lots of family-friendly games) without spending a fortune on whatever the latest console and games are.

I disagree with most of the people on here. I think that was a mean thing for him and your mother to do. Of course they should have given them to you. What's the difference between donating to a stranger and donating to you? You could have put them away when you knew they were coming round if he can't bear to look at them. As for your mum going along with him - that's really not on.

I clearly know he's not a kind person, he has 4 adult biological children who are NC with him. I should have been very moderate in my expectations. This is partially on me.

Charity begins at home.

This ^
he doesnt want OP to benefit from having these items. Maybe he has some valid reasons but this action shows his attitude towards OP.

I originally thought YANBU, however… I’m going to say YABU.

Personally I have given things to charity, or binned them, as they are associated with not very nice memories or feelings. A family member asked me for an unworn cardigan I had boxed for charity, and I said no because I really had to ensure that this wasn’t item wasn’t associated with my life any more.
I would absolutely hate the thought of this cardigan still hanging around, giving off ‘bad vibes’ (FFS I sound like a nutter I know , but that’s my way of dealing with a particularly horrible feeling associated with the person who gave me the cardigan as a gift).

as for the rest of the things you’ve mentioned, he doesn’t sound very nice to you so I’m sure this is just adding to an already difficult relationship.

Was going to suggest cex.
you can get a ps4 for £70 or so. With a 3 month guarantee.

i doubt any charity would take an item like a console as so much risk of it going wrong /refunds. Cex etc test them before sale.

if it’s older than a ps4 then doubt it has any resale value unless boxed /special edition. I just gave mine away on local Facebook group.

Yes he is an abusive arsehole.
Stay away from him and stay away from your mother too.
She enables him.
Of course a normal person would have offered the PS to you, but he's an arsehole snd your mother not mouch better.
Live your life and avoid them as much as possible.
You can choose to be no longer available to them.
It's very freeing to no longer respond to nor see arseholes.

Given your updates, I suspect there is no ‘emotional attachment’ to these things, and he just didn’t want you to have them. He sounds quite spiteful, really.

Don't do anything to help him in the future, if he asks for anything, just reply, that you have decided to donate your free time to charity.

Agree, it's now abusive to not give someone your property and to put up more paintings than someone else wants up?
Only if you're their step parent!
How old were you @Kate8889 ? Old enough to have a well paying job and credit history to get a mortgage. As pp have said, move on, buy your own console.

Exactly this. If the OP already had a ps would she have to hide it away when he visited.
OP I think they could have given you the ps but maybe not the games if the games reminded him of bad times although if you were expecting them to visit you probably wouldn’t be gaming anyway and if they popped in unexpectedly you’d stop playing.
Sounds like he doesn’t like you much, I’m thinking back story especially if he banned you from wearing iPods while in your own home, no matter what you were doing.
Even though I think they are both being petty/mean, as others have said, it was his to do as he liked with. I’d start saving and maybe look for pre owned.

I guess then you can take heart that it's not personal, he's an arse to everyone.

I only hope he's kind to your mum.

He sounds like a nasty arsehole who just doesn't want you to have anything. I doubt he gives a shit about the charity, he just doesn't want you to have it.

No idea why some people are defending him, but there are always people on here who love to yell 'black' if the OP says 'white'.

people weren't calling him abusive because he wouldn't give her the console. They were calling him abusive because of the other info the OP added to the thread. Namely that he:

-screamed at her when she asked him not to use nails in the walls of her home (that she jointly owned with her mum at the time)

-ordered her to not listen to podcasts as she cleans the kitchen (HER kitchen) because he wanted to sit in it and it was taking her too long to clean

None of this relates to him being a step parent, just that he sounds like an unpleasant person.