To be disappointed that my mom's husband donated things I would have loved

[Kate8889]

My mom husband (I was 23 when they met so don't see him as a father figure) recently donated a big box of video games, consoles etc, I saw it in a box in the garage. I have always wanted to have a video game system but have never been able to afford one.

I asked my mom if I could possibly have some of the items and she said no, these were specifically going for donation to be dropped off at a local store.

I asked if I could possibly buy with a discount, also told no, that there are things that remind him of a past relationship and he doesn't want to see them when he visits my house.

I mean it worked well for me, my then boyfriend and I ended up getting married and having our wonderful children. But yes, he made me feel very unwelcome in my own space that I helped pay for.

From your update he sounds a deeply unpleasant and quite controlling man. My guess is that he enjoyed saying No to you.

If its from 2013 it will be really out of date . You can get more modern ones at reasonable prices second hand .
It probably doesnt work very well if been in a damp area.
And to be fair I bet it won't sell in a charity shop.
Wouldn't take much to save for a console . Obviously not the most up to date model. But one not over 10 years old.

he sounds quite miserable. A games console would trigger bad memories? He’s obviously had them for years if they’re okd and he’s donating

Generally he's been ok since I've moved out

No - those aren't his console.

That's not the point

You’re a working adult. How can you not afford to save up for a games console?

He’s a dick. You know he is a dick. And now he behaved like a dick. The only shocker would have been if he hadn’t.

I think you need to spend time accepting that he is a dick and your mum lets him be unpleasant to you because she is too cowardly / enthralled to prevent it.

And then get on with your life making a mental note that when they are old and need help that they are Not Your Problem.

I can't justify spending that much on something that's not a necessity and I might not use very often. I try to get treats for my grandma and my kids first.

OMG I realise that he's a man but you sound like Cinderella and he sounds like Cinderella's horrible step-mother. Was he abusive in other ways?

Your mum sounds awful too.

But you have kids, so it wouldn’t be just for you. It’s just a weird thing for an adult to be having such an issue over. You want a games console, save up and buy one? Let the kids play on it too. There are great multiplayer family games.

Stop being such a martyr. You’re an adult with a job. Buy stuff you want sometimes. It’s a family purchase anyway.

This, you've moved out, married and had 2 children since you moved out? Why hasn't your dh bought you one as a gift? You can get an Xbox one for about £50? Save up all year at £1 a week.

So what happens when you buy your own PlayStation and he sees it in your house when he visits? Does he think he can tell them apart?

Also, when he told you - an adult - to stop listening to a podcast while cleaning, and you obviously replied "No, I think I'll carry on listening to it thanks" - what happened next? 😅

I thought it as going to be about Chippendale chairs and Ming vases!😂

The absolute breaking point for me was when I asked him to maybe not hang up quite so many paintings (because I have had to repair nail holes from a previous stepfather, I didn't say this) or to hang them without holes. He came into my room and started shouting at me that if I didn't like him living there he would pack his sh*t and get out, that he was going to be hanging up as many paintings as he wanted, which would be a lot. He wouldn't let me leave the room, stood in the doorway and kept screaming while I hyperventilated and felt frozen because I was somewhat trapped.

Not sure if that's abusive but I knew I didn't want to live like that.

I know. An adult being this upset over not being given a 15+ year old PlayStation… when she could buy one herself with a bit of budgeting is just ridiculous.

Absolutely! I can't believe the posters that are telling OP that she is really really selfish. He is obviously a jealous and controlling arsehole. If I were OP, I'd give him and her enabling mum a wide berth.

for whatever reason he has attached feelings to these items and wants them gone. You’re being unreasonable to demand them and then to double down and ask where he’s taking them is just weird.

Whichever way you look at it, it's just mean. He didn't want it and he didn't want you to either. Don't know what your mum's thinking. I'd make a point of seeing as little as possible if that's person. Assuming that's the full story.

He is definitely abusive. I assume that was when you owned the house with your mum so he was ruining your property.

I think that you should save up for a second hand console (the kids will be able to play with it too) and pull right back from your step-dad and your mum who obviously enables his abusive behaviour towards you.

It is. You know he's horrible to you so why let him live rent free in your head over an old console. You can't change him but you can change the way you react to things. If you can afford a house you can afford a games console, buy one if you'd get the enjoyment out of it You don't need his cast offs.

But he said no for you having his things they are his things he can say no you can keep on posting about all things he has done no still means no

Yes my mom and I owned it together. Not sure if he knew that. I also didn't demand or ask forcefully, it was something like "Is there any way you could try and hang up not quite so many paintings or maybe use a method that wouldn't require holes in the wall? Thank you!"