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Original poster

Partner refusing to pay

184 replies

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 21:52

Looking for some advice please (D!)P
has decided to stop working (self employed) so 0 money coming in from him. Everything house and bills wise has always been 50/50!
This has now been going on for 8 months and I cannot afford it any longer I can’t afford 100% of everything.
We have one DC
The house is on the market desperately hoping it will sell but no luck as of yet.
He simply refuses to work / contribute any money. He is in a terrible financial situation but my concern is our home our bills.
When we sell I want to be able to start again on my own so mindful of my credit rating.
What do I do? I simply cannot find the money any more. I spoke with the mortgage company and they can help for 6 months but after the 6 months if the house has not sold the repayments will increase to cover the period of help which worries me in case things are not sorted in 6 months il be in a worse position. Do I write to mortgage company and say I can continue to pay 50% as with the other bills or do I let everything default?
Can’t get through to DP at all. He refuses to work and refuses move out, says the house is still his. I just cannot believe it has come to this. I’d be grateful of any advice. Just want to be out of this horrid mess

OP posts:
Halfquarterbag · 05/10/2025 21:56

Don’t feed him.

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 21:58

Halfquarterbag · 05/10/2025 21:56

Don’t feed him.

I’m not and have not done a thing for him for months!

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 05/10/2025 21:58

Is the house in both of your names, or just one of you? Hoe long have you owned it? Who has been paying the mortgage?

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:00

Leeds2 · 05/10/2025 21:58

Is the house in both of your names, or just one of you? Hoe long have you owned it? Who has been paying the mortgage?

Both names.
Have always paid 50/50 until this started
The last 8 months it’s been me paying

OP posts:
TheDayWeGotMinnie · 05/10/2025 22:02

I'd say you need legal advice pronto. Divorce him and let a court decide.

TokenGinger · 05/10/2025 22:02

Rather than take a mortgage holiday, can you switch to interest only payments for a while?

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:03

TheDayWeGotMinnie · 05/10/2025 22:02

I'd say you need legal advice pronto. Divorce him and let a court decide.

Should have said we are not married

OP posts:
shhblackbag · 05/10/2025 22:05

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:03

Should have said we are not married

Show quote history

Thank your lucky stars.

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:06

TokenGinger · 05/10/2025 22:02

Rather than take a mortgage holiday, can you switch to interest only payments for a while?

That was the same as a holiday even if I went interest only it would only be for the 6 months and then after that there would be a recalculation and the monthly repayments would go up to cover the 6 months missed repayments

OP posts:
parakeet · 05/10/2025 22:06

You need to reduce the price so the house sells. Good luck.

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 05/10/2025 22:08

Whilst it might be difficult to stomach losing money if get a court order to sell the house and drop the price. It feels difficult taking a £20k hit on a house sale but it will save you money in the long run subsidising him

Lindy2 · 05/10/2025 22:10

Reduce the price to sell quickly. Take your half of the sale proceeds and start again on your own.

I'm sorry you're in such a horrible position with such a horrible man.

shhblackbag · 05/10/2025 22:10

parakeet · 05/10/2025 22:06

You need to reduce the price so the house sells. Good luck.

Basically. And then run and not look back.

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:11

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 05/10/2025 22:08

Whilst it might be difficult to stomach losing money if get a court order to sell the house and drop the price. It feels difficult taking a £20k hit on a house sale but it will save you money in the long run subsidising him

Thank you. I have reduced by a lot at the end of last week! So fingers crossed

OP posts:
Mischance · 05/10/2025 22:12

You need legal advice.

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:14

Legal advice for what? They have the house on the market, they’re reducing the price.

there isn’t advice or help that people can offer OP to solve this (although “stop feeding him was quite special) but she could probably do with some solidarity and sympathy.

all I’ll say OP is that this will be over. The house could sell at any time you’ll be closer to getting out of this.

will you be able to afford to buy alone?

TheHouseElf · 05/10/2025 22:17

Considering selling the property by auction - get what you can, and get away from him and this situation.

EmeraldRoulette · 05/10/2025 22:20

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 21:58

I’m not and have not done a thing for him for months!

Show quote history

So he's got enough money to feed himself?

What do you think the end goal is?

I think you do need legal advice.

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:22

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:14

Legal advice for what? They have the house on the market, they’re reducing the price.

there isn’t advice or help that people can offer OP to solve this (although “stop feeding him was quite special) but she could probably do with some solidarity and sympathy.

all I’ll say OP is that this will be over. The house could sell at any time you’ll be closer to getting out of this.

will you be able to afford to buy alone?

Thank you and yes Iv thought about legal advice but really not sure what they can say / do to help.
Feeding him comment made me laugh but trust me I’m not doing a thing.
Yes il be able to afford something albeit much smaller but at least it will be something I can 100% afford on my own

OP posts:
JLou08 · 05/10/2025 22:24

What a strange thing to do. Did this come out of nowhere? Is he abusive? Depressed? It seems so extreme to go from paying 50% of bills to nothing and watching whilst you lose the family home, your child's home.
If he is abusive are you confident you can safely get away when the house sells?

Summerhillsquare · 05/10/2025 22:25

Are you claiming universal credit?

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:25

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:22

Thank you and yes Iv thought about legal advice but really not sure what they can say / do to help.
Feeding him comment made me laugh but trust me I’m not doing a thing.
Yes il be able to afford something albeit much smaller but at least it will be something I can 100% afford on my own

Show quote history

That’s great news that you can get somewhere alone

god knows what legal advice you could have. One of you has to pay the mortgage, a lawyer can’t make him work, and splitting the house proceeds 50:50 when you own it 50:50 is standard. You’re not married.

youmustbeshittingme · 05/10/2025 22:27

TheDayWeGotMinnie · 05/10/2025 22:02

I'd say you need legal advice pronto. Divorce him and let a court decide.

Why assume they’re married? She referred to him as her partner.

Pieandchips999 · 05/10/2025 22:29

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 22:11

Thank you. I have reduced by a lot at the end of last week! So fingers crossed

Show quote history

If I'm reading the maths right, if you get six months payment holiday you could save the half you are able to pay really carefully. Then you would get another 3 months? Just do not let him know under any circumstances that's what you are doing and say there's nothing spare as he's got you in a financial mess. Will he leave if it gets him out of paying? If so you could get a lodger, even if this means moving your little one in the room with you to keep your head above water. Is there any other abuse? As this is a really messed up thing to do. If he is abusive you can ask for occupation order although it's quite a high bar

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 05/10/2025 22:30

have you got a spare room to take a lodger into in the meantime?