Partner refusing to pay

[Eeeek1]

Looking for some advice please (D!)P
has decided to stop working (self employed) so 0 money coming in from him. Everything house and bills wise has always been 50/50!
This has now been going on for 8 months and I cannot afford it any longer I can’t afford 100% of everything.
We have one DC
The house is on the market desperately hoping it will sell but no luck as of yet.
He simply refuses to work / contribute any money. He is in a terrible financial situation but my concern is our home our bills.
When we sell I want to be able to start again on my own so mindful of my credit rating.
What do I do? I simply cannot find the money any more. I spoke with the mortgage company and they can help for 6 months but after the 6 months if the house has not sold the repayments will increase to cover the period of help which worries me in case things are not sorted in 6 months il be in a worse position. Do I write to mortgage company and say I can continue to pay 50% as with the other bills or do I let everything default?
Can’t get through to DP at all. He refuses to work and refuses move out, says the house is still his. I just cannot believe it has come to this. I’d be grateful of any advice. Just want to be out of this horrid mess

You said that you guess he had not decided to stop working but the work dry up, (despite the OP clearly stating that he refuses to work).

So I replied, that if that was the case (meaning your work dry up statement) then he should be honest to the OP and take a job, any job because they had to pay the bills.

It's that simple. Not sure why so hard to follow?

My ex had a child (we were in the same sex relationship) and then refused to move out of my house after we broke up as she knew I would not turf the child out. It cost me over 100k to get out of that relationship. So I know how you feel, OP. You have my sympathy.

Wonder if he is getting money from someone like a family member, or whether he has some money hidden away he's using for this. The first one won't be any use to you but the second one might. Has he got paperwork around and could you check statements or look for signs online he's got other accounts he's been logging into?

You need to claim benefits - tell them you have split up and they will help even if he is still living in the property -

Whats his plan once it sells?

eh?! She might earn £60k a year! What is all this demands to claim benefits. I’m sure OP would’ve checked to see if she can get free money by the time he’s been out of work for 8 months and they’re having to sell their house!

It’s not hard to follow.
It’s a strange thing to say because you saying he should get any job is meaningless when he a) can’t hear you and b) when he won’t do it for his partner and child, is hardly gong to do it because you say he should, is he?

What an awful situation. Why is he refusing to work? I think you need legal advice. You need to sell A.S.A.P and find somewhere for yourself.

You need to gather evidence however you can that you do 99.9% of the parenting

Him hearing? What on earth...?
It's a fair assumption, given I quoted your post that I was talking to you isn't it? Not some bloke in mumsnet land?

Well I can’t persuade him to get a job either 😂

Well I can’t persuade him to get a job either 😂

Well boo hoo! Keep going op.

Wonder why you suggested it then. 😅

The beauty of the written word eh? You've completely got the wrong end of the stick with my reply and filled in gaps that weren't even there. Incorrectly, I may add.

Let me tell you , court will be expensive, lengthy & stressful, seling the house at a reduced price will be cheaper & quicker in the long run. Talking from experience

@Eeeek1 a big mistake a lot of people make is that if they can’t afford the mortgage payment in full they pay nothing. The debt then goes up very quickly. If you pay what you can each month the debt rises more slowly.

For example if you take the 6 month interest only then payments are £1,500 a month if you then pay nothing in another 6 months you have arrears of £9,000. If you take the 6 months interest only and then pay £750 a month after 6 months the arrears are £4,500 I.e. 3 months vs 6 months. A mortgage provider would rather have some payment each month than nothing.

Keep a good dialog with the mortgage provider so they know the situation regarding your financial position and the house sale.

Good luck with selling the house.

So strange he just stopped working, did he resign or just be at home and casually let slip he didn't have a job? It sounds so bizarre.

Hopefully your house sells. Have you found somewhere to go?

I would ask the mortgage company if taking the payment holiday will affect your credit rating, if so it might be best to switch to interest only, not sure though one to ask your broker.

Good lord what a burden your partner is. Absolute parasite.

Don't forget you can rename yourself on here, and do one of those posts asking what to change to sell our house, and Mumsnet can advise you on staging or quick decor fixes to help you sell.

I know you have said your partner is depressed, or claims to be, but what reason has he given you for giving up work. It's not something people usually do all of a sudden unless they have been sacked - is that possible?

If he is ill or unemployed, he can claim benefits. He should be doing that, he has to eat.

Have you considered Women's Aid? They may have some advice none of us have thought of. Essentially, what your FP (he's not entitled to a "D" 😁) is doing is financial abuse.

Leave him. He is talking the fucking piss and you for a mug. Leave him now.

You can be counted as formally separated even though you live under the same roof. Do that. Move into DD's room if you don't have a spare room. Then claim any benefits that being a single parent may entitled you to and CMS.

Then do what you need to get the house sold.

This

also see if he’ll at least sign something to say any of his share of bills and mortgage he doesn’t pay before it sells will come off his share of the house once sold to repay you
don’t need a lawyer for that, just needs to be an IOU and make it sure it says will come out of house if not paid before - keep a spreadsheet running that you update and send to him every single time he doesn’t pay his half of a bill

And I’d bloody add the cost of half of every roll of toilet paper he doesn’t contribute to but uses to wipe his useless arse too

I think you should get legal advice on getting the money you are paying for hos shqre from the proceeds of the sale?