Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner refusing to pay

184 replies

Eeeek1 · 05/10/2025 21:52

Looking for some advice please (D!)P
has decided to stop working (self employed) so 0 money coming in from him. Everything house and bills wise has always been 50/50!
This has now been going on for 8 months and I cannot afford it any longer I can’t afford 100% of everything.
We have one DC
The house is on the market desperately hoping it will sell but no luck as of yet.
He simply refuses to work / contribute any money. He is in a terrible financial situation but my concern is our home our bills.
When we sell I want to be able to start again on my own so mindful of my credit rating.
What do I do? I simply cannot find the money any more. I spoke with the mortgage company and they can help for 6 months but after the 6 months if the house has not sold the repayments will increase to cover the period of help which worries me in case things are not sorted in 6 months il be in a worse position. Do I write to mortgage company and say I can continue to pay 50% as with the other bills or do I let everything default?
Can’t get through to DP at all. He refuses to work and refuses move out, says the house is still his. I just cannot believe it has come to this. I’d be grateful of any advice. Just want to be out of this horrid mess

OP posts:
YellowMellow99 · 06/10/2025 11:43

Bobiverse · 06/10/2025 07:58

What do you mean that he doesn’t believe you will separate? Surely you already have?

I know you need to live in the same house as him until it sells, but you’ve ended the relationship, yes? And sleeping in your kid’s room/the living room?

If you haven’t then you’re nuts. End it. Reduce the price to get the house sold or use one of those “buy any house” companies and just get out. You’ll lose money but you cannot afford to live there and you need to get away from him and start a new life. Just get it sold and start over.

Will he allow the sale when it actually comes to it?

Show quote history

She’s not nuts, she’s smart!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 06/10/2025 11:46

@Eeeek1 Does he consent to selling the property?

Naanspiration · 06/10/2025 11:46

@Eeeek1

Strange behaviour from him.

If you were married, I could see some method in his madness. He'd have stopped working to deplete his assets and income in preparation for a messy divorce. So the financial settlement would be less of a hit.

But as you're not married, it doesn't make sense.

Is he hoping you will get fed up and just leave?

How does he behave whenever someone comes to view the property? Any sign that he is actively trying to achieve or not achieve a sale?

At what point did you guys make a decision to end the relationship? Has that actually been discussed and agreed?

Edit: actually I've just though he could be looking to make himself poor so it reduces his child maintenance liability. Does that sound plausible? I don't know much about child maintenance but I know a lot about what motives men.

Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 11:47

SkipAd · 06/10/2025 07:02

Sensibly, you have decided to live your life without him.
Mortgage wise, your repayments won’t necessarily become too much. Going interest only for six months, won’t make it more expensive when you start to repay. IF you ever choose to repay. I know this is weird for people, but, you could literally just pay the interest for the rest of your life. It’s like renting but they can’t chuck you out. It isn’t a sensible idea, you are paying a lot just to live in your house, you are wasting money. BUT if it is the only way to manage, it is a possibility?

At the end of the mortgage term you have to repay the capital outstanding. If you can’t they certainly will throw you out

Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 11:50

HopingForTheBest25 · 06/10/2025 07:03

I think you do need legal advice - you might be able to claim the extra money you are spending on his half of the mortgage from his share of the profit. Or a court might award you more than 50% if you are solely responsible for housing your child.

These proceedings cost a fortune. Money down the drain

Nonameagain31 · 06/10/2025 11:51

What a terrible situation you are in. I have my fingers crossed for a quick sale for you? Can you save 50-60% of mortgage costs so this will get you another 4 ish months?

Is there anything you can do to get other bills down?

I can't wait to see your post when you are free of him... this is short term shit for long term gain!

Original poster
Eeeek1 · 06/10/2025 11:51

Thank you for your comments.
His family are aware and at their wits end about it but have helped me where they can.
No he is not sabotaging the sale of the house at all and will go through with the sale. There is equity in the house
Yes we are separated but just stuck sharing the house. Relationship has broken down since he stopped working.
Trying to keep the atmosphere as best as possible for DC sake.

OP posts:
Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 11:53

WanderingWellies · 06/10/2025 11:25

50:50 is by no means set in stone. When my ex and I split up, she originally insisted on 50:50 split; however, I got legal advice and I had good grounds for getting a higher percentage. We agreed a settlement through mediation in the end but had it gone to court there was a strong chance I would have been awarded more than half. Things such as having a child to support (which limits a lone parent’s capacity to increase their income) and him not contributing to the mortgage payments for x months are in OP’s favour.

Show quote history

They are not married

SkipAd · 06/10/2025 12:00

Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 11:47

At the end of the mortgage term you have to repay the capital outstanding. If you can’t they certainly will throw you out

Show quote history

Good point, sorry of course they could. I guess I was trying to say, don’t panic about the repayment part of mortgage immediately, if that is what is worrying the OP the most.
And mortgage terms can be extended, it is definitely not necessarily sensible or desirable but in certain circumstances it can mean that you get breathing room, if you really need it.
Interest only mortgages do exist.

applesblowinginthewind · 06/10/2025 12:11

If the house doesn't sell even at the reduced price, perhaps you should consider putting it for sale by auction. It might not get as much as you would get in a private sale, but at least you would no longer have the worry of paying the mortgage, nor would your credit rating be impacted by failing to meet the mortgage repayments.

Squishydishy · 06/10/2025 12:17

Reduce the price of the house asap and sell it asap. Then you are in a much better place

HappenstanceMarmite · 06/10/2025 12:20

Bambamhoohoo · 05/10/2025 22:35

Btw OP my would guess would be he hasn’t just decided to stop working but the work has dried up or hes in some trouble with competitors/ suppliers/ the revenue which has put an end to it. It happens more often than you’d think.

So he should go get a job then…any job.

Bambamhoohoo · 06/10/2025 12:21

HappenstanceMarmite · 06/10/2025 12:20

So he should go get a job then…any job.

Show quote history

Again, what’s the point in us saying this? 😭 it’s not going to make him get a job.

theresapossuminthekitchen · 06/10/2025 12:26

I think legal advice might be worth it - I would be asking whether what he owes on the mortgage for the last 8 months (plus until it sells, taking into account the additional costs due to the mortgage holiday) can be deducted from his share of the house proceeds. At the very least, you should be able to demonstrate that you have been paying his share and he therefore owes you that money…? But I have no idea whether that can be enforced, hence getting advice might be helpful?

notatinydancer · 06/10/2025 12:27

Iwishthiswasnottrue · 06/10/2025 06:55

Why on earth have you waited 8 months?
Kick him out, he's a cocklodger!

Edited

He won’t go. It’s his house as well.

Bambamhoohoo · 06/10/2025 12:30

theresapossuminthekitchen · 06/10/2025 12:26

I think legal advice might be worth it - I would be asking whether what he owes on the mortgage for the last 8 months (plus until it sells, taking into account the additional costs due to the mortgage holiday) can be deducted from his share of the house proceeds. At the very least, you should be able to demonstrate that you have been paying his share and he therefore owes you that money…? But I have no idea whether that can be enforced, hence getting advice might be helpful?

That advice - one session- would easily cost £400.

how can someone be obligated to pay half into a joint property? Think of all the couples that only have one working partner. There is no legal prescient. Even if there was, how is she going to force it? It would cost even more in legal fees.

if he agrees to repay OP for his “half” then yes she should get this agreement drawn up by a solicitor as part of the sale and signed off. But it’s hardly a priority now.

wrongthinker · 06/10/2025 12:30

I'd be worried he's taking out credit/loans against the house. Not sure what you can do about that, though. Legal advice?

Timeforabitofpeace · 06/10/2025 12:30

You need legal advice and for your finances to be separated. That way, when you sell, hopefully he will have what he’s not paying now deductible from his share.

Bambamhoohoo · 06/10/2025 12:33

wrongthinker · 06/10/2025 12:30

I'd be worried he's taking out credit/loans against the house. Not sure what you can do about that, though. Legal advice?

He shouldn’t be able to do that as it’s jointly owned. OP can check her credit report which will tell her if he’s done so fraudulently. It’s a pretty big deal to secure a loan on a house, the vast majority (mortgage aside) would not be.

sittingonabeach · 06/10/2025 12:45

No joint accounts?

Donttellempike · 06/10/2025 13:02

theresapossuminthekitchen · 06/10/2025 12:26

I think legal advice might be worth it - I would be asking whether what he owes on the mortgage for the last 8 months (plus until it sells, taking into account the additional costs due to the mortgage holiday) can be deducted from his share of the house proceeds. At the very least, you should be able to demonstrate that you have been paying his share and he therefore owes you that money…? But I have no idea whether that can be enforced, hence getting advice might be helpful?

It doesn’t work like that. It’s joint and several liability. They are both responsible for the whole mortgage

Whatafustercluck · 06/10/2025 13:19

I'm going to disagree with those who state op doesn't need legal advice. She does, because she has a child for whom she will assume primary care responsibility. Despite not being married, she may be able to make an application under schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989 for maintenance in the form of a property settlement, whereby the court awards her more than the 50/50 on account of her having primary care responsibility. She could, for example, see if she could be awarded a 65/35 share. If she can prove that she's paid most of the mortgage payments for the past 8 months with bank statements etc then this is more likely to go in her favour.

I believe it may also mean that a court order can determine that the house be sold, since her partner is unable/ unwilling to leave and buy her out, and the proceeds split according to the instruction (e.g. 65/35). This would be my recommended course of action, based on the fact that regular maintenance payments seem highly unlikely to materialise if op's partner is self employed. This is because, even if he does work again in a self employed basis, he is likely only to declare the bare minimum required. If he owns a company for example, he likely pays himself a £12.5k salary and awards himself additional as dividends as an HMRC workaround to limit taxation obligations.

This man is relinquishing all parenting responsibilities by the sounds of it, so op needs to get proper legal advice to protect herself financially, since she is unmarried.

Jtfrtj · 06/10/2025 13:28

OP, what excuse does he actually give you when you ask him to contribute?

You tell him you’ve ran out of money, everything will soon default, what does he actually say to that??

ForJollyLemonZebra · 06/10/2025 14:54

Get a solicitor or see citizens advice x

NannyOggsScones · 06/10/2025 15:14

To just stop work is very very odd. Does he owe HMRC money and he thinks this is a way to resolve that? If it is he needs to speak to them because not earning anything doesn’t reduce the tax you already owe

Swipe left for the next trending thread