Partner refusing to pay

[Eeeek1]

Looking for some advice please (D!)P
has decided to stop working (self employed) so 0 money coming in from him. Everything house and bills wise has always been 50/50!
This has now been going on for 8 months and I cannot afford it any longer I can’t afford 100% of everything.
We have one DC
The house is on the market desperately hoping it will sell but no luck as of yet.
He simply refuses to work / contribute any money. He is in a terrible financial situation but my concern is our home our bills.
When we sell I want to be able to start again on my own so mindful of my credit rating.
What do I do? I simply cannot find the money any more. I spoke with the mortgage company and they can help for 6 months but after the 6 months if the house has not sold the repayments will increase to cover the period of help which worries me in case things are not sorted in 6 months il be in a worse position. Do I write to mortgage company and say I can continue to pay 50% as with the other bills or do I let everything default?
Can’t get through to DP at all. He refuses to work and refuses move out, says the house is still his. I just cannot believe it has come to this. I’d be grateful of any advice. Just want to be out of this horrid mess

How much equity is there in the house?

I am not being flippant about credit rating, but this situation is so poor I think I would be tempted to risk tanking my credit rating for the sake of my happiness.

I would take any payment holiday your mortgage company is prepared to offer and use this to rent somewhere and physically move out. And get independent debt advice.

There is no guarantee the house is going to sell, and if you get viewings, he may sabotage them.

I am assuming that there are other things wrong with the relationship because if not and this is sudden and out of character, I would be very worried about their mental wellbeing.

Do you have in laws/ are there friends that could talk to him about what is wrong?

Sensibly, you have decided to live your life without him.
Mortgage wise, your repayments won’t necessarily become too much. Going interest only for six months, won’t make it more expensive when you start to repay. IF you ever choose to repay. I know this is weird for people, but, you could literally just pay the interest for the rest of your life. It’s like renting but they can’t chuck you out. It isn’t a sensible idea, you are paying a lot just to live in your house, you are wasting money. BUT if it is the only way to manage, it is a possibility?

I think you do need legal advice - you might be able to claim the extra money you are spending on his half of the mortgage from his share of the profit. Or a court might award you more than 50% if you are solely responsible for housing your child.

Don’t be silly the house is in joint names.

Make sure that the proceeds of the sale are not paid into a joint account, as he could make off with the lot @Eeeek1 !

Is there an early redemption penalty on your mortgage?

He doesn't believe you'll separate? I'm assuming you've made it very clear, and you're not still living as partners, being intimate etc?

Has anything happened that could have triggered this? A bump on the head, something with his business? It sounds like he's in a state of delusion almost. Presumably he's previously been reasonably switched on, what with running his own business etc? He knows this is very strange behavior?

Have you asked him what he's going to do when his credit cards max out? Does he have family you can talk to?

So a credit check in case he’s got any loans or cards in your name.

start taking anything of yours which is valuable or sentimental and store it elsewhere as he may turn nasty. Siphon of anything valuable of his to pay towards your kid at a future date. Kick him out!

Just to double check - he is going along with the house sale, isn't he? There's no danger that he'll refuse to sign the transfer documents?

Absolutely bizarre behaviour from him. How much shortfall do you need to make up? Would an evening or weekend additional job cover it?

Why hasnt he accepted you have spilt up? It doesnt help your still calling him your partner.

She can’t kick him out of a house he owns half of.

people might not like it but there is no rule that in a jointly owned property the owners have to pay the mortgage 50:50. What’s happening to the OP is the risk of a joint mortgage. She won’t get her any excess of her half back unless he agrees to it. Again, a waste of legal fees

She wants to buy another house straight after which is absolutely the best thing for her and her child so tanking credit rating needs to be avoided

Do you have something in place for if he refuses to move out when the house sells?

He might be able to claim Universal Credit during the first year of self employment. It's called a start up period. Tell P to make enquires.

This advice isn't to encourage his behaviour, it's to try to stop you and you DC losing your home and your credit rating being trashed. He is watching his (and more importantly your lives) burn. He isn't going to start bringing in an income that's clear, but UC might buy you enough time to get on top of the bills then leave his sorry arse.

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. What he has wilfully done to your lives is despicable. I couldn't get past this ❤

I understand this, I do. In an ideal world, she should pay mortgage, the house would sell, he would move out etc-but the house could stay on the market for a long time, whilst the OP already cannot afford repayments on her own; the partner may be deliberately obstructive to selling or moving out etc

OP another thought- get a spreadsheet and put some numbers against this. What will the mortgage go up to in 6 months and what is that worth as a discount now?

as another poster said I’d be surprised if 6 months of backdated capital will cost much. Say it’s under £10k- that’s not much of a reduction to sales price (relative to price of course) if you think this will move the dial, make a plan to slash the price again 3 months into the 6 months interest only.

put decision points throughout if the sale hasn’t happened- when does it get critical, when does it get unaffordable. It will help you feel more in control.

What is his reasoning? Is he receiving benefits? What is he doing for fun/with his mates? Has he received an inheritance? What is your income?

Feels like a lot of information gaps here to truly govern proper advice

Do you think? I think it would be better for OP to accept she can’t understand or change his behaviour and focus on looking after herself and her child and getting out.

who cares what he’s doing for fun? If he’s out on the horses and strippers she still can’t make him pay the bills.

What is his rationale for not working and contributing @Eeeek1 ? Is he under some illusion about you needing to 'pay him back' for something?

I really hope that you are not covering for him in front of family and friends. This needs some daylight on it ASAP.

Take legal advice @Eeeek1

It is jot applicable in all situations and vastly depends on the mortgage firm and terms, but...when my exh stopped paying the mortgage I had already had a letter from his solicitor to say that I was not responsible for the house eor anything financially linked to it (was still on mortgage even though separated for 2 years as he refused to sell) Khalifa removed all trace of defaults from my name and were amazing at removing me from the calculations etc for remortgage and the debt refinancing.

If the mortgage in tenants in common (I think) then they should be able to assign more help.

If you can't afford a solicitor speak to CAB as some of their teams have excellent knowledge

Put DH on the sofa and rent out two spare rooms to two female international students or international professionals.

What do you mean that he doesn’t believe you will separate? Surely you already have?

I know you need to live in the same house as him until it sells, but you’ve ended the relationship, yes? And sleeping in your kid’s room/the living room?

If you haven’t then you’re nuts. End it. Reduce the price to get the house sold or use one of those “buy any house” companies and just get out. You’ll lose money but you cannot afford to live there and you need to get away from him and start a new life. Just get it sold and start over.

Will he allow the sale when it actually comes to it?

1. Tell him to "Man up" and get a job. One that supports his DC, like a real man would do. (Most men dislike their masculinity being questioned).
2. Tell him that if you run out of funds to pay your share of the mortgage then the lender will start repossession and neither of you will keep the house. His credit rating will be tanked as well as yours.

If you think that he will obstruct the sale @Eeeek1 , I would make him believe that you will be living in the next house together until the sale is safely completed. That may mean needing an airbnb or travelodge for a couple of weeks due to 'delays' in completion of the house you are purchasing.

You think he would just respond to being told to “man up” and that after 8 months she wouldn’t have already tried that? 😂 In what world are problems this serious solved this easily?