Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

Professional? I think its better to be treated with kindness when you're unwell and/or vulnerable in hospital than to be treated cordially.

I assume the “darling” is because they might not remember all the patients’ names. This wouldn’t bother me at all but I’m from a northern town where we call everyone “love”

Could not get worked up about this. Are the nurses taking care of your friend? Treating her with respect and mindful of her dignity?

It may be hard for them. Some patients want to be called Katy, others ‘ Ms KopyKat’. ‘Darling’ avoids that specific issue.

Yes so are we. I asked her this and she said they said "Hello Pam darling" so they do know their name.

It's always been made incredibly clear when I've done any training for a carer role that we do NOT call anyone dear/ love/darling/my lovely.

Now when i got to know my long term residents, sometimes it did happen. But I knew they were OK with it.

I’m 71 and a recently retired nurse.

Darling is a genuine term of endearment.

Just spent some time with an elderly friend in a&e and was horrified by how patronising some of the staff were to an incredibly intelligent older person, it’s like they assume you lose your brain as you age.

67 isn’t even old, plenty of working 67 year olds, I’d be irritated by it too.

What would she prefer? If she’s expecting manically busy staff to remember or have to look up individual names each time then that’s unreasonable. It’s better to say something warm and generic than get it wrong or mis-pronounce.

I say this as someone who hates being called love, or darling, or sweetheart by randoms but I can absolutely understand why they do. I think the lack of empathy around the challenges of working with the general public in hospitals is the worse of two evils tbh.

They do it on the children's ward too 'Mum do this' and 'Mum sit there'.

Its annoying but I guess we do it too when we say 'Nurse can you tell me'....

At least doctors never say it.

My name was written on a white board above my bed..I still got called "dear". I did ask them politely not to call me anything other than my name but they still carried on in a very patronising tone. I was 58 at the time .

I'm 65 and from the south. I absolutely detest it and find it patronising. It's professional to speak to people respectfully and to use their name. Would any of these nurses say "hello darlin" to the on call doctor when they appear?

When did the world get so full of people who are so easily offended?

They all do it and she thought it's part of their training.

Ffs how ridiculous.

Anyone who thinks “calling people darling” is part of a nursing degree and placement training - is an absolute idiot.

If people don’t like to be called “darling” all they have to do is say “Call me X. My name is X”.

Och, it wouldn’t bother me.
My Glaswegian father calls any male younger than him ‘son’!

I loath being called "darling" by nursing staff and it happens all of the time. It's so patronising. Not remembering names is no excuse whatsoever. I often forget the names of people in work meetings but I wouldn't dream of addressing them as "darling" or "sweetheart" which is another one they come out with.

Don't you think that when someone is vulnerable they deserve not to be patronised and infantilised? I don't see it as kindness, I see it as a partial removal of dignity. A person is over 60, unwell, perhaps in their nighties and without their usual comforts. Their name is a fundamental part of their lives and being. Is it too much to ask for a humans identity to be acknowledged.

My mum is 90, in a care home, and the staff use this langague - I think it’s lovely. She’s in the EMI wing, and I think it makes it all feel a bit more homely.

This is a person who's not worked for 35 years and has no clue what professional life is like.

Well yes, it's more important they remember the patient's name don't you think?

If that is all she has to worry about I would say she doesn’t have a lot to worry about.

It’s because we can’t call you asshole, knobhead or pain in the arse. Hope this helps.

I’m from the north.

i consider this perfectly normal and not patronising in the slightest.

Everyone does it in the north.

i live in the south.
very few people do it in the south. Except me. And other people who I usually discover are from Newcastle.

In a care setting it can seem quite formal to just use someone's name without softening it slightly.

If someone asked me I'd respect their wishes, but any one patient will come into contact with a lot of individual staff members in a given day!

It's more important that the care is given correctly imo.

Ah so the incredibly intelligent patients shouldn't be called darling.... but OK for others? Are the staff to do an iq test to see who's the incredibly intelligent patients?

Absolutely and ‘are you mum / dad?’ No I’m the cats mother 🙄

Core memory unlocked though by this thread. When DD was born the number of folk who asked if she was ‘good’ irritated me no end. Always wanted to say ’well she isn’t mugging old ladies outside the coop’ 🤷‍♀️