Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

What’s the problem?

People's feelings will vary which is why I think asking people how they'd like to be addressed is important.

I was recently in hospital and had the misfortune of being cared for by a total Nurse Ratched. After being transferred to another ward I was cared for by an absolutely lovely African nurse who called me darling/sweetheart etc and I was just so thankful to have someone nice.

Maddening and patronising. Darling is ok but the rest... And it comes not just with age but disability. Find yourself bedbound or in a wheelchair? Bless, aww, til the cows come home. If you're female.

I would hate this so much, especially from a server. It is patronising.

It's a bloody sad miserable world when folk can't be pleasant to each other. No wonder folk are stressed.

Those were the days: when people weren't all shards of glass, spiky and fragile.

Think it’s nice when people are nice to you

She’s quite lucky to ind caring nurses, there are many who are not

I really dislike it too. It’s not sweet or friendly if it’s being done to people who dislike it. Aawww Bless is particularly naff. You can easily show warmth, compassion and friendliness without using patronizing terms.

YADNBU, it is condescending and it's recommended in health and social care that people are asked how they wish to be addressed and that this is documented in their care record

www.theguardian.com/social-care-network/2015/sep/16/care-home-residents-darling-love-cqc

I so totally agree with this.

Everybody takes umbrage at a look, gores NC with anyone who dares have an opinion, then they wonder why the world is full of isolated individuals with MH issues and no support systems.

I genuinely think people think its a sign of being somehow enlightened to get pissed off and spiky.

I am happy with it. Rather that than a cold and clinical approach. It is possible to be both professional and warm.

So we’re not allowed to call people darling or love for fear of offence. But we apparently Have to call men women and She. Right got it.

It’s all bullshit. Let’s have less policing of language. Life would be more pleasant.

If they're taking good care of me I couldn't give a shit. I call people darling and sweetheart, where I'm from you're considered rude if you don't call people that!

How does calling someone darling extrapolate to being caring?

I really couldn't care less. They are being kind, which surely is desirable.

Honestly, people who get wound up about such things must lead very stressful lives 🙄

surekynyou realise that it’s easy to be nice without using terms like ‘darling’ and ‘sweetheart’.

Well sorry the World didn't ask you exactly what terms you condone.

That pp meant they are only trying to be nice.

To be honest, I think you'd have to have extremely fragile self-esteem to get that wound up by a term of endearment.

I don't mind love, darling etc but if anyone ever says "bless you" to me I might have to discharge myself! It's so patronising.

You can talk to someone without knowing their name though. Adding a generic term of endearment adds nothing.

Probably depends more on the area and what the individual nurses use as part of their everyday vocabulary rather than the patients age.
It's not part of mine to use any endearing terms so I wouldn't be able to switch to using it for the elderly.
Around here is it more likely to be called love or lovely. I get that all the time from all sorts of professionals, dr, nurses, vet, dentist are the ones that spring to mind where I had noticed this. I am in my late 30s so certainly not due to age. Don't get offended as they are using it to try and be nice.
The aw bless you thing. Most recently I had it when I called an out of hours vet in a panic for advise. And I can vividly remember it said at a hospital visit when I was 19 for something particularly traumatising. The nurse could see the pain, both physically and emotionally, I was in said aw bless you, in a way to emphasise and express her concerns that I was going through that. As I began to cry out in pain again, she actually had a tear and apologised saying she had a daughter the same age and I reminded me of her and felt upset by witnessing it. Some could argue that was unprofessional, but it made me feel cared about and that I had someone there who genuinely felt compassion. As opposed to the arsehole horrible nurse the day before who told me to stop crying and calm down immediately after being given the awful news. I know which nurse I would prefer

Absolutely and ‘are you mum / dad?’ No I’m the cats mother 🙄

How are we supposed to know?

I agree. It’s like when old people are referred to as “young man” or “young lady”, which really is patronising. Or saying that someone is “x years’ young”.

Honestly the things people get hung up on never ceases to amaze me. In a long term casting situation I’d expect the staff to learn what I like, on a hospital ward I’m just another patient so kindness is welcome. Pretty sure no nurse goes to work thinking they want to be patronising. People need to stop looking for things to be offended by. The world is so full of hate sometimes we just need to take language as it’s intended.

I work with a lady who says “hi babe” to me. I’m a senior member of staff and am really not someone you’d call babe or hun etc, but that’s her upbringing and meant as a term of endearment so I’ll take it as intended, smile and say “hello Amie”.