Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

What a set of absolute bastards!

Endless threads about the lack of kindness in society have to be balanced by threads about being too kind, I guess. 🙄

Remembering patients names is unlikely when you can have four in the same bed space over the course of one shift, or you might get moved at any point to cover a staff shortage in another ward, then the next day you come back and half of them have been discharged or moved to other wards.

Now you’ve called OP’s mum , who is already feeling patronised, an idiot!! She’s baffled by all the patients getting called Darling and wondering if the staff have been told to do this. Quite a reasonable deduction though it’s also possible that they share an unfortunate habit. I’d hate it too.

I thought that's why patient names were written on the white board above the bed.

Context is everything here - you are in hospital, probably feeling scared or vulnerable. In this circumstance I absolutely would not mind being called darling, love, dear or anything else

now it a creepy used car salesman used it, it might be used to undermine you or is just ignorant

in a hospital setting this wouldn’t bother me at all

Precisely my thoughts

’Darling’ I like. I like the informality of it.

’Bless’ I hate. But I just dislike the expression.

Thing is though, I think you have to consider intention.

If you think the nurse intends to convey the attitude, ‘this doddery old dribbler is not deserving of my respect’, then you might be right to be offended.

But if you think the nurse intends ‘my use of a mild endearment might put this patient at ease’ then you should accept it with good grace.

Blimey, I couldn't care less about this.

We've had builders here all week and they've called me 'love' throughout. Who cares, that's their way of being polite and respectful.

I'm an empowered, intelligent, successful woman through my actions and my own achievements, and what people choose to call me doesn't detract from that in the slightest.

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. It’ll be part of their automatic ‘patter’. Their heads are mashed with 1000 other things.
Nurse.

Ah see this is tricky
CP Social Work and Child Therapy background
I always make sure I refer to parents by actual name in written work (as well as familial title, mum dad gran etc) however in person with c/yp I will often say mum dad etc if the c/yp is present as that’s how they know them, not by first name. So if addressing separate id call by name though, if that makes sense.
I would never call anyone darling though. However I’m not in a position of having tons of patients at once.

You certainly are no sweetheart, so you are correct in this sense.

I worked as a HCP for many years and wouldn’t have called people “darling”, always thought it could be a bit patronising. Or that some may see it that way anyway.

i could be guilty of the “ah bless “ though. It’s generally said when someone tells you something which requires some empathy to be shown but not necessarily a specific response/answer. Probably not just “ah bless” or “bless you” on its own but as part of a sentence. So for example as I’ve gone to do meds and patient is telling me how their son can’t visit this weekend as he’s busy and they’re sad he can’t come.

So I’m wanting to stop and acknowledge this while also thinking about the rest of the drugs round, that I have to get bed 3 discharged, have the meds come for bed 5, etc. so I’ll tell her it’s a shame that her son can’t come, hopefully he can in the week, etc….and then she carries on saying how she feels he doesn’t prioritise her and I might say “oh bless you that’s such a shame”. I’m just trying to be kind and friendly. And to be honest it’s not just something I’d say to more elderly patients either.

I fully agree. I am absolutely f-ing outraged and am going to start a petition. Who's with me? 💪

One of the nurses at my doctor’s surgery has a very strong Somerset accent and she calls you “love” “darling” etc, it just sounds friendly and puts me at ease!

i would assume that they are just being kind. Imagine doing their job, and dealing with all the shit (literal and metaphorical) that they have to deal with, and then being criticised for being genuinely kind to a patient in a vulnerable position. IME it’s not just elderly people who are spoken to like that, and I personally feel warmth from nursing staff who use terms of endearment, and that cannot be a bad thing.

I think HCPs should do anything they can to help their patients/clients retain their autonomy and dignity. Using their name is a pretty low bar, to be honest.

But it is neither polite nor respectful!

If you don’t like it fair enough but (apart from the bless thing which I’d find annoying) I like terms like darling in hospital if I’m feeling nervous or ill or whatever, I can’t really explain it. But then I like regional terms of endearment anyway such as when buying from a shop. Suppose we’re all different.

I've had workmen and builders in for a week earlier this year. I made it clear my name is Katy and that is what I wanted to be called. I agree it's not the same environment as hospitals with nursing staff rushed off their feet. Teachers have classes of 30+, lecturers 80+ and use people's names.

Why?

I genuinely don't understand the issue. I was called 'love' all week - and they knew it was my project and I was in charge and the one paying them. My husband was called 'mate'. I don't know how people crack on in life and get anything done, taking offence at stuff like this.

Because people are all different.

I don't think mate has the same connotations as sweetheart or darling or love.

What a trivial thing to get annoyed about. It’s a tough job and they’re trying to make their patients feel comfortable.

Yes I'm Glaswegian and I do call younger males " son" , but I wouldn't in my professional life, as it would not be appropriate . This is both here in the South of England and when I lived in Glasgow.