Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

You say over 60 as if they are old . I find that more offensive.

Just to add, a lot of patients use affectionate names for the care staff too - it's really not a problem for most though!

In my experience women who use these terms are often very warm and caring people. They're the kind of people I'd want caring for me. I say women as I have heard men use it in a patronising way.

Patronising, no i don't think so!! I think it depends how uptight you are.😁 I would rather be called darling/sweetie than with brusk ignorance any day.

I was in hospital (yet again) yesterday for an MRI. The lady who looked after me called me darling (and I am in my 30s, so this isn't a "patronising an older person" thing.) She was incredibly warm and friendly and it really put me at ease and made a miserable morning a little bit better. I think the staff can't win sometimes - whatever they do will be wrong for someone.

👏 😆

I've noticed the "aw bless" and "bless you" from various different hospital/GP's staff, after having to go for repeated visits to both with a nasty infection in the last couple of weeks. I've not noticed it before.
Maybe I've reached some mysterious age threshold? 🤔

My grandparents, who are both 80, are people who haven’t worked for around 25 years, would never say something so ridiculous.

..."whatever they do will be wrong for someone" is exactly the issue.

My DF absolutely hated what he saw as infantilising, disrespectful language in hospitals etc. To the point where he asked to be cslled "Mr Smith" (not his actual surname!). It is hard to feel dignified when you're in hospital.

Someone else would see it as warm and friendly, though. Impossible for hcp to get it right every time.

I was in hospital for a few nights two weeks ago. I’m 40 and being called ‘sweetheart’ and the like was actually quite nice. Smiling healthcare staff when I was in pain whilst calling me affectionate names was a nice touch. Why anybody would take offence to this at any age is beyond me. I was just grateful to them.

I think I would like it. I am in my 40s.

I say ‘thanks drive’ when getting off the bus……it’s normal here. Would you consider that offensive?

Forgive me. It wasn't meant in that way. I am 65 and note the NHS in particular, is very ageist and that the tone has changed.

I can't possibly remember the names of all of DDs friends at university, so they all get called Darling.

It's patronising and annoying. I'm just turned 65 and it's started. Not just nurses, also restaurant serving staff.

I am not your fucking sweetheart.

It isn't part of the training. We were explicitly trained NOT to do this and I trained at the end of the last century 😉

Don't they normally ask what you want to be called? I was last time I was in hospital and that was written on a whiteboard over my bed. I appreciated it as I've always been known by a shortening of my given name. I didn't say darling or sweetheart.

Do you think their tutors use their names or call them sweetheart?

I have been a nurse for 27 years and never called anyone darling, none of my colleagues do either. I struggle to believe “they all do it”.

Anyway far worse things can happen than being called darling. Stop looking for problems where there aren’t any.

No but id think it odd if you called him sweetheart.

I think it's quite sweet actually. I don't think it's done in a disrespectful or belittling way at all, or related to the status of those in the situation. I see it more as being supportive and caring and said in the context of care or service provision of any sort as meaning more of an 'Ive got you/ I'm here to help take care of you, don't worry' type of thing esp said in a siituation where someone might be feeling unsure or in pain etc that obviously wouldn't be the right tone for chatting generally with a doctor colleague so not really a relevant comparison imo.

I’m in my 30s and have been called darling by people when I’ve been very ill in hospital recently and I haven’t found it patronising or offensive- and presumably it wasn’t because I’m elderly as I’m not, it felt friendly and kind. Very different to creepy men going “alright darling!”. I agree with PP that people can’t win sometimes.
I have been much more upset by the very occasional brusque manner of nurses when I’ve felt vulnerable- but even that I know probably is just someone worked off their feet.
I have family in parts of the country where everyone is darling, dear, son, hen or some sort of endearment so it doesn’t sound odd to me.

It can be a cultural thing. Some of the nurses from certain countries do it. As long as they're professional in their behaviour, it doesn't bother me what they call me (in this case, while resetting a dislocated finger...)

Sometimes if you're getting on a bit, you're ill and feeling a bit out of control being treated with dignity can be very important.

I wouldn't assume it is age related. I get called "lovely" / "my lovely" all the time by various professionals and always have done. I'm 41