Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

I’m not a nurse so no I don’t. Also as a patient I’ve never been asked what I want to be called… who has time for that?

I don't mind the 'darling' so much, might have been guilty of saying the same in the past but I can't stand ' Aw, bless' Most people haven't a clue what a blessing is

I have absolutely no idea?

My dentist (who is male and young enough to be my son) calls me "lovely", it is a Welsh thing.

Meanwhile.... In 'proper problems ' land....

(You've got way too much time on your hands )

I don't mind being called 'darling' or 'love' or 'sweetheart' etc, but I draw the line at 'awww bless,' and I have only had people say this since I hit mid my 50s. It's nearly always people a generation or more younger than me too. See also; 'awww you're so cute.'

There should be a mandatory 2 year prison sentence for anyone who says 'awww bless' and a 1 year one for 'aww aren't you cute?' if the recipient of the comment is over 50 and the person saying it is younger!!!

And don't even get me started on 'Barbara is 83 years YOUNG!' And someone calling someone a generation or two older than them 'young lady,' or 'young man.' Just stop. Please, I beg you, just STOP! It's so patronising!

I may be a bit over dramatic with the idea of the prison sentence, but seriously?! Grrrr.

I think if you feel patronised or belittled by someone calling you 'Darling' or 'Sweetheart' then you must be pretty insecure.

I'm a doctor - work in a hospice. I've been called darling / sweetheart/ dear by a fair few patients and colleagues alike and have done the same back a few times. It's a common friendly term round here. Doesn't necessarily mean the same in every place / environment.

I know that ‘bless’ is seen as deeply patronising in America - my American friend confessed that she could never quite work out whether people were being twats or not when they say it here (she lived here for several years). I actually found I wasn’t sure what to tell her!

There are lots of regional terms of endearment (duck is my favourite) and it would be a shame to lose them.

But you might not be mum or dad? You could be the carer of a child and not their parent. It is absolutely perfectly reasonable to ask if you are mum or dad.

@IfHeWantedToHeWould · Today 20:56

It’s because we can’t call you asshole, knobhead or pain in the arse. Hope this helps.

LOL.

@Sub2Mumma

Core memory unlocked though by this thread. When DD was born the number of folk who asked if she was ‘good’ irritated me no end. Always wanted to say ’well she isn’t mugging old ladies outside the coop’ 🤷‍♀️

LOL again! 😆

I spent a lot of time in hospital with my dd when she was a baby - being called ‘mum’ or being asked if I was mum was the least of my worries.

I think your reading too much into it.
It's just what some staff members do and they aren't thinking about age, level of intelligence or anything else when doing it.
Im often called darling, pet, my lovely etc by staff members who do this with patients. Im in a senior role and Im not offended by it.

Christ. People I care about have been treated disgustingly by some healthcare staff who couldn’t give two shits about their patients. And you’re worried about being called darling? 🙄

I like it - YABU.

I think aw bless is fine tbh. It is kind, non offensive ( in the normal world outside mumsnet ). I am not sure it is patronising especially 🤔
Being in hospital is grim mainly. I work in one and patients struggle with the environment, boredom, fear, pain and being ill and away from home. Staff in the NHS are over worked, under paid ( and since covid saucepan bashing time) not liked or respected generally by the public. On a busy ward nursing staff have to give it 150% to spend time with their patients, listen and offer a few kind words back.
Saying whatever , including aw bless is Ok saying F off or shut up, stop complaining etc would be a problem.
Another wordy non problem.

Ha ha touche!
I've decided that no one in any public sector work can ever do anything right. There are always people moaning. I sometimes wonder why we bother.

You sound fun/nice not.

I’ve not been called ‘darling’ but I remember being very upset by a nurse, young enough to be my daughter, who kept referring to me as ‘petal’ just after I’d been diagnosed with breast cancer. If she couldn’t remember my name she didn’t need to have said anything. At the time I was 48 so not old, a middle Manager in charge of a team of 40 and I felt patronised and belittled. I was upset ienough at my cancer diagnosis and losing control of my life that it really was the final straw and I just ended up sobbing at the unfairness of it all.

In the same way that calling someone nobhead extrapolates to being mean.

Darling is a term of endearment isn't it.

Yes, when said by a partner.

When I have been in hospital I have felt vulnerable and being called darling didn't sound like a term of endearment. It felt as though staff couldn't be bothered to remember my name or to glance at the board above the bed.

I think, when professional boundaries need to be maintained, a little formality doesn't go amiss

Well depends where you come from it's regular to here darling or similar in general convo with the town folks.

YABU.

I work in admissions in a hospital and routinely call the patients I speak to darling, or sweetheart or lovely or any other such thing.

People in healthcare encounter people in their worst moments and it’s natural to want it to be a little more human.

Good grief - I’m 67 and I much prefer nursing staff or doctors to call me darling, love, or something similar than using my first name or Mrs Growly. I always feel that it sounds much more caring and don’t find it in the least bit patronising.

I think when someone is ill they need to be cared for.

I simply don't see any of these terms as patronising and I think it's just looking for a reason to be grumpy.

If I'm ill, I just want the necessary care, I don't expect people to be learning my name. I mean what difference does it really make provided they are friendly and caring?

ETA I actually would prefer not to have my name used when I think about it. Receiving medical care is an oddly intimate process. If someone I have just met is about to view my bottom or whatever, I'd honestly just rather stay a random patient; I don't need to have a first names dynamic.