Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

So true imagine working as a nurse , bring busy, exhausted, trying to remember lots of different medications and people's needs and 'how are you darling?' slips out because you're in care mode and the person is furious and complains ☹️

I don’t mind being caked mum when I take dd to hospital. I am her mum 🤷🏻‍♀️ why would I expect them to learn my name, I just want them to look after dd.

When I worked on the wards I had quite a few patients calling me "love" or "darling" 😄 I loved it! Those people saying it's not professional and they wouldn't do it in a work meeting etc...nursing is different, being a caring profession with a lot of frightened and vulnerable patients. It depends on the patient, the skill is sussing who would welcome a softer approach and who definitely wouldn't!

It’s exhausting isn’t it

No it’s definitely not part of the training 😂. My ex manager used to get absolutely irate if she overheard a staff member calling a patient darling/sweetheart/angel or any other similar name. I think some people either use it because they can’t remember their name or they think it sounds caring, but IMO it sounds a bit patronising/infantilising.

It's a term of affection, how could anyone hate that?

I’m on chemo, in and out of hospital. If I got worked up, each time a HCP called me “ darling/ love/ sugar” I’d be raging 24/7! I live in the NE, originally from the SE.

Hospital staff just can't win can they ?
I think it's lovely and wouldn't mind it at all.
Please worry about things that really matters.

It really is. And somehow depressing.

I don't mind "darling" or "love", but I really hate "bless" and "aw bless". If that is used with an elderly person, it really comes over as if you are treating them like children.

Agree!!!!

Only if you said thanks driver darling.

After reading the comments of so many self righteous whingers Im so glad I didn’t follow other members of my family into the caring professions. Get over yourselves people.

Yes, I’ve seen it on 24 hours in A&E and it was only a fleeting glimpse of the show.
You want the patient to sit up, slide their glasses sternly down the end of their noise and say something like, “Excuse me.”
My very intelligent and together father in law in his mid-seventies has been patronised like this and he hates it.

When I worked as a carer you sort of learn what to use. One guy thought it was hilarious if I said a particular name to him and we had an in joke (mr eggy as he loved my scrambled eggs) but you ask what people want and then use that

some is regional - my grandad calls everyone cock/cocker. He could meet the king and would still be “alreet cocker?”
I know if someone rings me at work and says duck, they’re likely from our derby branch

They are just trying to be caring and kind. It's essentially just a verbal tick

And as someone who's frequently been the on call doctor, they absolutely do do it to the on call doctors, including the men. It's often just that persons personality. I don't agree its a loss of dignity to be called darling by someone who's caring for you, and some of the best nurses/HCAs I've worked with will say this sort of thing.

Isn’t this just a regional thing? I’m from the NE and say darling often to all sorts of people. It’s just the way we talk, never realised anyone would be offended.

They’re just trying to be friendly, kind and approachable and show sympathy.

It’s difficult - some patients will be insulted being called by their first name, but call someone Mrs X when they’re a Miss or Ms or vice versa and that’s offensive too. Some hate Madam and they’re not Ma’am (nurses aren’t bowing and scraping servants).

So Darling it is.

Similarly, calling any Black woman who one has categorised as a target for depersonalisation " Aunty" by other Black people gets short shrift from me.
I'm not your aunt, I don't want to eggs up with you and if asking a woman over the age of thirty her name is beyond you, shut yuh morning!

I actually find it really endearing when (mostly older) people at work refer to me as darling or sweetheart. It gives me the warm and fuzzies.

I think it says a lot about you as a person if you automatically assume that everybody who refers to you like this is trying to patronise or infantilize you. There's a notable difference between being patronising and showing genuine affection. 99% of people doing this will have good intentions.

Obviously not intelligent enough to realise they mean no harm, and are just trying to be caring in what can be a stressful environment. Sometimes they get this wrong.

No one is more or less deserving of being called "love" or "darling" because they are "very intelligent" ffs

Don’t you say ‘hi, my name is Carol. What would you like me to call you?’

That’s why they have a little board next to you with all that information on

Oh FGS I call everyone darling or my lover or my beauty, mainly because I meet lots of people and can't remember everybody's name. Why tf are folk professionally offended at everything all the time, life's too short to be offended at a sparrows fart.anyway

Gosh, of all the things to get worked up about in the world this is so incredibly far down my list.

I'm in my thirties and have had some scary hospital / clinic visits in the last couple of years. Someone calling me sweetheart or darling has been a huge reassurance and comfort through that. I'd never see it as patronising. If you dislike being called that, surely it's easy enough to say "sorry, i can't stand being called x - could you call me y instead?".

The two loveliest department leads I've ever worked for, in two very professional roles, called me "bach" - it means little in Welsh, and would be used to say "little one" as a Welsh form of darling or sweetheart. It made them warm and approachable and I loved working for them.