Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

Haven’t read the whole thread sorry. Calling patients things like “darling” is frowned upon now for sure, but I don’t agree that it’s always patronising or disrespectful. I trained in the 80s up in the north midlands, we called everyone (including ourselves) “duck”. The patients all said it too!

Patient: “is there a cup of tea on the go duck”
Me: “ I’m sure there is duck” “Hey Sheila more tea needed over here, squeeze the pot will you duck?”

😂😂

I agree to some extent. I always introduce myself as Dr Doc and give my job title because that is important. Patients are entitled to know by whom they are being treated. I'd then ask the patient how they wished to be addressed. If they say Mr Bloggs that's fine, as is Joe, Joey or whatever.
My specialty means that I don't have long term relationships with many patients and their families but those that I do mostly call me by my first name. I don't have a problem with that. But I don't like it when HCPs only introduce themselves by their first name. I have been to a number of hospital appointments with my daughter and grandchild recently and I have noticed it becoming commoner. "Hi I'm Beth" which is how someone introduced themselves yesterday is friendly enough but I'd rather know what Beth's profession and grade are than her name. Especially these days with so many non standard roles and most staff wearing scrubs it is not at all obvious who everyone is and I think that it matters.

It's funny, isn't it, how doctors manage to get through the day without calling anyone unwanted pet names yet it's an unreasonable expectation of a nurse or HCA?

I agree, but I'd be happiest with I'm Beth Jones, Paediatric Consultant, specialising in xyz. That is of course if Beth assumes she may call me SilkAndSparkles. If she calls me Mrs ForParties I'm perfectly happy to call her Dr/Ms/Miss Jones. I do object, however, to doctors introducing themselves to me with their title and surname and assuming they may use my first name. I always correct that. It's rude and it subordinates and woukd be tolerated in no other sector.

100% As with most care workers they ask the client first like they’re trained to do, as a relationship develops between them, pet names can be more appropriate.
My Dsis a carer, is more loving, gentle and caring to her clients than their own family, one lady likes to have her tummy rubbed when she is in pain, another gentleman wants her to be his daughter, he calls her sweetheart, darling, maybe she should tell him it isn’t professional, another young lad who is confined to his bed will call her Mammy, many enjoy pet names but again it is always something that the client decides.

I would choose to be tactile and working class every time if reincarnation existed.
Big hugs.

Nurses and HCA usually have a deeper connection to patients than doctors who flash by, break the news and go. It makes sense that there would be a warmer relationship with someone who is literally wiping your blood, washing you and having a chat about everyday things.

First names are fine if it goes for patient and doctor. The last time I was in hospital, a doctor said "Hi, I'm Mohammed and I'm a [whatever his grade was]." That's good, but "Hi, I'm Dr XXX" and then calling me by my first name is rude.

I have no problem with "my love" if it comes from a place of kindness, but I'm going to be equally familiar in my response.

I was on a ward for women 50+. The nurses called us all 'mama'. I didn't mind at all, and if the other patients did, I didn't hear about it.

I'm nobody's mama, and certainly not theirs.

'Are you mum/dad?' Is a VERY important question .

As a foster carer assuming I'm mum could be VERY upsetting to a child/young person who is already in a stressful situation.

Being able to say no I'm foster mum, allows staff to realise there's other stuff going and also that this child might have greater distress than an 'average' child in that situation.

There are also different lines of questioning when a foster parent takes a child to doctors/hospital.

The use of " we" in place of "you" bugs me as well. For example I was asked " and how are we feeling this morning?" during a recent hospital stay. Just no.

It wouldn't bother me if coming from a nurse or HCA and done when in 'caring' situation.
DH was in A and E overnight and overheard a nurse shouting at an elderly patient who seemed to have dementia and wasn't complying with something. I think that is a far bigger issue. I have a profoundly disabled adult son and I know that sometimes caring can be difficult but there is no excuse for bellowing at someone vulnerable.

Yes, it is a very important question, but never phrased as "you mum?". That asks if I am able to speak not whether I am my child's mother. "Are you Imogen's/Jack's mum" is correct. "You mum?" conflates an adjective with a noun and could be inferred to be asking if the person is a mum rather than the mum of a specific person. Also, I never ever found it acceptable to be called "mum" by nursimg staff, I was not their mum.

Similarly when my mother, 89, was in hospital a couple of years ago, referring to "mum" in conversation with me was inappropriate. My mother is a human being and has a name, notwithstanding the fact that she is my mum and reference should have been to "your mum" not "mum".

This week I was:-

Called darling by a late 20s female barista in Nero
Called darling by a 20 something female barista in Marks and Spencer's cafe
Called darling by a middle aged woman in Sainsbury's petrol station
Called sweetheart by a nurse at my asthma review
Called darling by a 30-ish guy at a bar
Called Katy by a male physio, my female doctor and a female solicitor

What I wonder, makes the difference?

Not all guardians are the child’s mother though..

Some people are of a more friendly, informal disposition, I really don’t think it’s that deep.

Oh I like it, I can’t get annoyed with them they are doing a fab job.

I work with offenders and often call them love, dear, darling, sweetheart, poppet. It’s called trying to build a rapport.

Exactly!

Some people really need to get a life.

It’s not really funny. It’s simply because doctors have less need to build a rapport with patients.

🙄

@KatyKopykatthe physio and your doctors know your name and are representing a respected profession. The barista and petrol station lady don’t know or have any need to know your name. They also don’t have need to build a trusting relationship with you.

Yes I thought that after I'd posted.

Nooooo not the asthma review 🤣🤣
Here’s hoping it didn’t bring on any shortness of breath 😱

Unfortunately it seems there are a lot. I spent 2 weeks in hospital and was more bothered about the care I received, which was wonderful I might add, than what they called me!

My late grandmother was called Grandma by the nurses and hated it. She told one nurse who did this “I’m not your Grandma!” They stopped then.