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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have left a wedding early to get back to my baby

276 replies

horchatatresleches · 03/10/2025 07:58

One of DH’s friends had a childfree wedding last weekend which was childfree. We have a 6 month old and left him with MIL for the wedding. We’ve started doing first tastes of food but he’s mostly breastfed. I left him with a stash of expressed breastmilk, and some foods he likes. We’d tested him with the bottle in the weeks before the wedding and did a trial with DS and MIL before the wedding for a couple of hours which was fine. I planned to leave after the meal and DH was going to stay late into the night with his friends.

Anyway, the day of the wedding for whatever reason DS wasn’t having it. MIL tried everything and he wouldn’t settle, wouldn’t feed either with milk or food and was getting more and more upset so she called me back. This was during the drinks reception so the couple were having their photos taken so I couldn’t say goodbye. DH stayed until the end and apologised on my behalf I had to leave early.

Now we’ve found out they were annoyed I left because they’d paid for my meal and could have used my spot for someone else. I know having a wedding is expensive but I don’t really know what I could have done differently. I do feel bad that they paid for a meal that I didn’t eat, but that’s how weddings go sometimes. I had a couple of people pull out on the day of my wedding who were sick and it’s just one of those things. Obviously DS is my priority and we RSVPed yes for me in good faith and it just didn’t work out.

OP posts:
Notsopls · 03/10/2025 08:01

how have you heard they are annoyed? Is this in keeping with them?

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Give it no thought. I can guarantee they'd have been annoyed if you had said you can't come at all becuase of baby. If they cant understand that your baby is a priority and not them, they aren't that great as friends

Coffeeishot · 03/10/2025 08:02

Well they had paid for your meal they are allowed to be annoyed about it. But it is done now you prioritised your baby which is fine but they don't have to be ok with it.

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Also, why is your mil calling you, did she not want to bother her own son?

PorkPieandPickle · 03/10/2025 08:03

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Also, why is your mil calling you, did she not want to bother her own son?

Presumably her son isn’t the one breastfeeding the baby, and therefore couldn’t resolve this.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/10/2025 08:04

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Also, why is your mil calling you, did she not want to bother her own son?

Because he doesn't have breasts that produce milk?

lessee167 · 03/10/2025 08:04

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Also, why is your mil calling you, did she not want to bother her own son?

Well I would imagine her son does not have breasts!

ResusciAnnie · 03/10/2025 08:04

Coffeeishot · 03/10/2025 08:02

Well they had paid for your meal they are allowed to be annoyed about it. But it is done now you prioritised your baby which is fine but they don't have to be ok with it.

And what about the people who attended but didn’t eat the food? There will have been some. The couple won’t even know about those people but in theory should be equally annoyed! Or, if they’re reasonable, not be annoyed because they are nice compassionate people and too busy being happy having just got married.

Cant stand penny pinchers. Don’t have a big wedding if you can’t afford to be a gracious host.

TheChosenTwo · 03/10/2025 08:05

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Also, why is your mil calling you, did she not want to bother her own son?

I guess as it was dh’s friend and op was a plus 1 and op was the one planning on coming back earlier anyway it was the right call?

Op don’t pay it too much attention, sure they were probably a bit miffed that they could have given the space to someone else but you couldn’t predict how it was going to turn out. A lot of people would have said no from the very beginning because they wouldn’t have left their baby at that age for a couple of hours (I would also have said yes to attending by the way!), at least you tried. You made it through the ceremony and then had to make a decision.

Complet · 03/10/2025 08:06

Don’t worry, it will all be forgotten about soon.

RogerR4bbit · 03/10/2025 08:08

I can see this from both sides.

You say the B&G are your DH’s friends rather than yours, so you probably got a curtesy invite and potentially other friends of theirs couldn’t come because you’d said yes which is disappointing to the B&G of you weren’t there for the meal etc.

But if you’d weaned baby on the bottle, and fed from the bottle every day for a few weeks leading up to the wedding, and MIL had previously looked after the baby with no issues, you literally did all you could do in that situation and had to leave.

When they have their own kids and go from breast to bottle, they’ll probably understand more than they do right now. In fact they may even get pissy if they receive a childfree wedding invite when they have a 6 month old.

Time will take the sting out of this for both parties.

DisappearingGirl · 03/10/2025 08:08

Yanbu. Around 6-8 months is a really difficult time if you're breastfeeding because although you can leave them in theory, if they're still mainly breastfed then sometimes no-one else can settle them.

I had to leave an event really early when my baby was 7 months as she just would not take a bottle no matter what we tried, and she was only tasting tiny amounts of food at that point, so she was basically ravenous (as well as missing me).

I guess neither of you is wrong - they're not wrong to be slightly annoyed they wasted a meal/place, but you're not wrong in that you had to go and settle baby. I'd just apologise and leave it at that.

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/10/2025 08:08

Its in the "shit happens" category of non attendance. Similarly a guest with a 10yo could have been called away to A&E for example.

Also... the baby wanted mum. It was the dads friends wedding. Its doubly logical its the mum who left, despite it being the MIL babysitting.

Bringitonicancope · 03/10/2025 08:09

You prioritised your child. You did the right thing.
If they really are annoyed then honestly they sound like unempathetic people who think that monetary concerns are more important than people.
Don't feel guilty. You could send an apology to them for having to leave early but I wouldn't upset yourself over this.

Olinguita · 03/10/2025 08:09

You weren't unreasonable.
I don't think people who have child-free weddings always realise how tricky it can be for parents of babies and toddlers. It was a big ask and you did your best to prepare for the day, and you arranged childcare. Unfortunately babies are unpredictable and things don't always go to plan.
People are well within their rights to have child-free weddings but they need to understand that a) some parents won't be able to make it and b) shit happens!
I personally don't love the trend for child-free weddings but they seem to be A Thing now...

WalkDontWalk · 03/10/2025 08:09

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/10/2025 08:04

Because he doesn't have breasts that produce milk?

Show quote history

And whose fault is that? What sort of lack of self-respect must a woman have to marry a man who refuses to lactate? Honestly, the bar is set so low for some women. This kind of tolerance of weaponised non-mammary involvement crops up all the time on MN.

LTB.

Southshore18 · 03/10/2025 08:10

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Also, why is your mil calling you, did she not want to bother her own son?

presumably the son cannot breastfeed????

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/10/2025 08:10

Let them be annoyed. That’s pathetic as they’d pay the same whether you eat it or not, and also I’m sure you’d rather have had the chance to eat it then leave. Of course a hungry baby comes first. Awful to invite a breastfeeding mum and not her baby.

Teacaketravesty · 03/10/2025 08:10

Coffeeishot · 03/10/2025 08:02

Well they had paid for your meal they are allowed to be annoyed about it. But it is done now you prioritised your baby which is fine but they don't have to be ok with it.

They do. Adults do have to be ok with parents reasonably prioritising their babies.

LemondrizzleShark · 03/10/2025 08:12

Oh we had this - they had done the standard passive aggressive “no children because we want you to actually ENJOY yourselves at our wedding, free from your horrid children” invitation.

DS was BF and I left after the ceremony to deal with him, then came back an hour before the end to pick DH up. Apparently this was horrendous of me, and they have barely spoken to us since.

Zanatdy · 03/10/2025 08:15

They are being unreasonable to be annoyed. What were you supposed to do? Tell MIL to try and settle a hungry baby for another 2hrs because you are going to eat the meal. You did what you had to. I’d be limiting my contact with these people.

Original poster
horchatatresleches · 03/10/2025 08:15

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Also, why is your mil calling you, did she not want to bother her own son?

Because it was DH’s friend’s wedding so we’d agreed in advance that if one of us needed to go back early it would be me. It’s very much DH’s friends’ wedding not a wedding in our joint friendship group so I probably wouldn’t have much fun on my own there anyway. DS also is breastfed so makes sense logistically too.

OP posts:
Teacaketravesty · 03/10/2025 08:16

I’m surprised the poll isn’t near 100% YANBU. Idk what people think you should have done differently.

sesquipedalian · 03/10/2025 08:16

When my DS and DDIL went to a child free wedding in Spain, they got special dispensation for their seven month old to attend the daytime reception - my DS had said he would go alone because his DW had to feed the baby, and so the Bride and Groom made an exception. We babysat for their other DC, and for both of the DC for an evening barbecue the next day. What would the bride and groom have said had your DH refused the invitation on your behalf because you had a BF baby? That would have given them the choice of making a dispensation for a baby, or accepting that you would be unable to come. Either might have been better than having to leave before the meal - but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

stichguru · 03/10/2025 08:17

If the couple are actually claiming you shouldn't have left to feed your baby, they are in the wrong. If they are simply saying they wish you hadn't had to leave, then yes I a bet you do to but your kids come first...