to have left a wedding early to get back to my baby

[horchatatresleches]

One of DH’s friends had a childfree wedding last weekend which was childfree. We have a 6 month old and left him with MIL for the wedding. We’ve started doing first tastes of food but he’s mostly breastfed. I left him with a stash of expressed breastmilk, and some foods he likes. We’d tested him with the bottle in the weeks before the wedding and did a trial with DS and MIL before the wedding for a couple of hours which was fine. I planned to leave after the meal and DH was going to stay late into the night with his friends.

Anyway, the day of the wedding for whatever reason DS wasn’t having it. MIL tried everything and he wouldn’t settle, wouldn’t feed either with milk or food and was getting more and more upset so she called me back. This was during the drinks reception so the couple were having their photos taken so I couldn’t say goodbye. DH stayed until the end and apologised on my behalf I had to leave early.

Now we’ve found out they were annoyed I left because they’d paid for my meal and could have used my spot for someone else. I know having a wedding is expensive but I don’t really know what I could have done differently. I do feel bad that they paid for a meal that I didn’t eat, but that’s how weddings go sometimes. I had a couple of people pull out on the day of my wedding who were sick and it’s just one of those things. Obviously DS is my priority and we RSVPed yes for me in good faith and it just didn’t work out.

You tried. But sometimes a breastfed baby won’t take a bottle. You’re not going to let a small baby go hungry. Your child is more important than one day.

They are ridiculous. You didn't leave on a whim or because you were bored, you left because the person doing your childcare asked you to come home.
I'd send them the money for my meal so they've got nothing to moan about (and hopefully they feel a bit pathetic for moaning) and forget it.
People get so ridiculous about their own weddings and forget that the entire universe doesn't revolve around them or stop functioning because of their big day.

I can see it from both sides, I suspect they had evening only guests who could have come if you had said no

If they are friends that are annoyed that she prioritised her baby then they aren’t really friends at all. Things like this happen, op did absolutely nothing wrong.

Op do not apologise or grovel anymore. It’s a shame that you missed your meal but in the circumstances you’ve described it really couldn’t be helped. Should you have sat there and wolfed down your meal all the time worrying about your dc just so as not to cause offence? Fuck that.

Oh I see, some people think you should have declined the invitation if not 100% sure your baby would take a bottle. It’s an argument, I guess. It can be very lonely, being a bf mum!

We recently went to a wedding with DD who was almost 5 months and EBF. I'd thought when I was pregnant I might be able to leave her but soon realised it wasn't going to happen. Explained to the bride who had always been fine about her coming and brought her. I'd left her for a few hours before but a wedding is such a long day.
I think they don't get it that it's hard to leave a baby that age who is EBF.

Through another friend (their best man) who was over and we were talking about the wedding. Don’t think he meant any drama by and definitely wasn’t passing on a message though. The friends aren’t raging or threatening to end a friendship with DH or anything and it will blow over. I can’t really say if it’s in keeping with them because I don’t know them well enough - I don’t even have their numbers so I couldn’t message them the day after myself.

Slightly off topic but the meal wouldn’t have been wasted at my wedding! All the men in my family would happily eat 2 dinners , my cousin actually asked the waitress for seconds at my brothers wedding & offered to pay for it as he was starving with standard portion 🤣.
but in answer to your question , no you weren’t wrong , your husband stayed , not like both of you left !

Bride and groom are being unreasonable, not you. Firstly because although it’s up to them to have a child free wedding, kind hosts would generally include breast fed babies in their invitation.
Secondly because bitching about their guests after the event to third parties (who in turn pass on the dirt) is not classy.

Best man said in passing that they were a bit peeved about the cost.

ok not exactly thoughtful of him but 🤷‍♀️ you know now.

If you care about them, drop a note thanking them for the wedding and leave at that.

if you don’t, forget about it

We also had to RSVP before he was born so had no way to know he would even be breastfed because it might not have worked out anyway and I would have thought that when he started solids it would be easier to keep him full without me. I didn’t realise how slow it would be.

If you’re not careful op, you’ll spend more time on this thread than this couple have remotely given your departure

how often do you see this couple?

The thing is you just don't know until you've got a baby that age and they are all different.

What. a load of rubbish ! A mother should have to give up breast feeding completely ( which is what you are saying - milk dries up if not used)

Personally I think anyone having a child free wedding should make an exception for a baby less than a year.

We had babes in arms at our wedding and one friend spent the entire meal outside, feeding her baby. I don’t mind at all, she was there for the ceremony and her husband was there. The baby needed food! Also, one of my little bridesmaids only ate the bread roll. Again, don’t care.

However, one couple just didn’t turn up at all to any part of the day and I’ll be furious with them until the day I die!

It’s obvious that you did nothing wrong OP so maybe your DH didn’t explain to his friends properly what happened. Was it clear to them that it was emergency situation rather than planned?
My DH often is too short on details (he says that he doesn’t want to be too dramatic) and it changes the picture completely.

Yeah, and that’s why I feel bad. I don’t know if there were evening guests, but it was a small venue so it sure they would have had a reserve list, and I was only a plus one anyway.

How often do you see this couple op?

They can demand a child-free wedding, but they can't demand a child-free world.

If you have a big event like this you have to work on the assumption that you will have some no-shows, whether due to illness, accident or whatever. When I had a stonking migraine on the day of an old friend's wedding, they gave my food to the person calling the ceilidh dancing, it was no biggy.

Let them be annoyed, that's fine - but I wouldn't have expected you to make a different decision so it's a pointless annoyance ultimately.

I really don’t mind that they had a childfree wedding. It was a small venue anyway and DS is a super busy baby that he’d want to be on the floor exploring or being walked around all day. He’s not happy to just sit on my lap for more than a while without being bounced or sung to, so talking him would have been a nightmare tbh because I would have spent the whole day trying to keep him calm and quiet.

If it's anything like my family the food would have been eaten! When my DS was small he had a full plate and the amount of people hovering hoping for some!

And some people don't eat even if they are there

Your baby had to come first.

Fuck ‘em. I left a wedding early once to get back to my dog because he’d been on his own all day (although tbf it was after the meal).

You did what your baby needed, couldn’t be helped.

I find it useful to ask myself “in three months time, will this matter”? If the answer is no, let it go.

But people have emergencies OP. They get sick, have accidents, family situations, car breakdowns, children.... I don't know one wedding I've been to that has had full attendance, including my own. I wasn't remotely annoyed and knew it was likely to happen because that's life!