to have left a wedding early to get back to my baby

[horchatatresleches]

One of DH’s friends had a childfree wedding last weekend which was childfree. We have a 6 month old and left him with MIL for the wedding. We’ve started doing first tastes of food but he’s mostly breastfed. I left him with a stash of expressed breastmilk, and some foods he likes. We’d tested him with the bottle in the weeks before the wedding and did a trial with DS and MIL before the wedding for a couple of hours which was fine. I planned to leave after the meal and DH was going to stay late into the night with his friends.

Anyway, the day of the wedding for whatever reason DS wasn’t having it. MIL tried everything and he wouldn’t settle, wouldn’t feed either with milk or food and was getting more and more upset so she called me back. This was during the drinks reception so the couple were having their photos taken so I couldn’t say goodbye. DH stayed until the end and apologised on my behalf I had to leave early.

Now we’ve found out they were annoyed I left because they’d paid for my meal and could have used my spot for someone else. I know having a wedding is expensive but I don’t really know what I could have done differently. I do feel bad that they paid for a meal that I didn’t eat, but that’s how weddings go sometimes. I had a couple of people pull out on the day of my wedding who were sick and it’s just one of those things. Obviously DS is my priority and we RSVPed yes for me in good faith and it just didn’t work out.

You feel she should call the son on the very reasonable assumption that he covers lactation on the weekends?

Fuck them, personally. You did your best.

Don't give a second thought. They will have children and understand one day :).

I assume they don’t have kids, or they’d understand 😳

You've done nothing wrong. Anyone at the wedding could have had to leave for any sort of emergency life just happens. I'm surprised it even registered for them, surely they should have been having such a great time at their wedding this is a non issue!!

Never feel bad about putting your baby first :)

The breastfeeding etc.. isn’t relevant tbh.

You went back home because of an emergency. It could have been anything else.
If having to leave a reception/wedding because of an emergency with your child is an issue, they shouldn’t invite people with caring responsibilities.
I mean theyre asking to RSVP a year ahead. So many things change in a year that you can’t plan ahead.

Oh boohoo. Your baby didn't know where you were. Baby takes priority over an overpriced dinner.

They should have allowed you to bring your breastfed baby. That was incredibly unreasonable of them.

I'd not have gone personally. Not worth worrying if my baby was wondering where the hell their mother had gone and was distressed, which is what happened.

You’re fine to go, they’re fine to be annoyed. Fuss about nothing.

Their loss.

What else were you meant to do? People have to leave at short notice for all sorts of reasons, if they can't understand that then sod them.

Don't feel bad about it. You were absolutely right to prioritise your baby over anything else. If they are being dickheads about it, which I doubt just ignore it.

There's always a risk when you organise any kind of event that at least one person will end up dropping out or having to leave last minute. That's life.

Just crack on with loving your new baby. Congratulations by the way.

Someone was enjoying a good shit stir weren't they? There was no need for the person who told you to even mention it. Assuming the person who told you isn't stupid, he would have known it would cause bad feeling or an issue. Dick.

Imo you was and did the right thing as your child should always come first if they are more bothered about a meal then your child then are they really friends if your husband stayed for the remainder of the day/night then they could of offered the meal to him then it wouldn't of been wasted

Presumably he can't do the honours with actual breast feeding.

Child free weddings: fine
Baby free weddings: unreasonable and batsh*t trend.

Child free couples don’t always have a good understanding of what it takes to look after a new ish baby but if they do go on to have kids they will look back at this reaction with embarrassment.

The amount of time and effort you went to trying to prepare your baby and MIL for the wedding is at least equal to the cost of the uneaten meal. That’s the risk couples take if they demand no babies.

We had plenty of no shows at our wedding due to things like mental health and sickness. It’s annoying but we understood. I’d rather leave an empty seat for a good friend who might need it.

Depending on how close you are I'd put a cheque in the post if they're that way inclined together with an explanation of prioritising your baby.

I think you are 100% in the right OP. I also think you just need to brush it off. Before I had kids I had no idea about this stuff and looking back I cringe at some of the things I thought and even said about other peoples kids (like feeling surprised when a nursing mum asked to bring her babe in arms to my child-free wedding and wondering why that was necessary!). 🙈

If the couple already have kids then I am staggered they could be so mean, but if they are child-free then I think it’s a learning curve and they will find out if they ever become parents.

You had no choice and weren't in any way unreasonable. It is disappointing though to pay [usually handsomely] for a wedding meal when someone drops out though I doubt it went to waste at all.

I would drop them a card to say how sorry you were that you had to leave unexpectedly despite all your preparations in advance, that the ceremony was lovely and you hope they had an amazing time, everyone looked beautiful etc etc.. They'll get over it and will remember that you were polite about it and acknowledged it was a shame to miss it. Never underestimate the value of goodwill. As newly weds it's entirely likely you will get to know them better in the coming years if they have children soon.

Once they have children of their own, they’ll work it out.

I think you did the right thing OP, though I think my own DM or MIL would have done everything they could not to call me up and just to manage the situation for as long as possible.

No you weren't unreasonable and, as a PP has said, give it no thought. You tried your best, and these things happen.

My mil left my wedding during the photos, we were upset she wasn’t able to stay but the thought of covering her meal hadn’t even occurred to us.

It will blow over, you had to go and I’m sure it didn’t spoilt their day in any shape or form.

We are childfree (by choice) but our wedding wasn't. One of our witnesses had a toddler so he came too, along with my little niece, who was of a similar age.

OP, I don't see how anyone could fault you for putting your baby first. Of course he's your priority. It's not as if you made a choice to miss the dinner; you're bf after all and could have used it. But it's also unlikely that the food was wasted - plenty of people can manage seconds and even thirds. When my niece (the little girl who came to my wedding) got married, the three course sit-down meal was followed later in the evening by hot pork sandwiches. Too much for me, but the young people who'd spent the evening doing The Macarena etc queued up for them.

I hope you at least got a piece of cake - if you'd been at my wedding, I'd have made sure of it.

OP you tried to make it work, but in the end your baby needed you more than they needed you, so you did the right thing and left. It's their problem if they're sulking about it. Appreciate that you might feel a bit stressed about their response though.
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