to have left a wedding early to get back to my baby

[horchatatresleches]

One of DH’s friends had a childfree wedding last weekend which was childfree. We have a 6 month old and left him with MIL for the wedding. We’ve started doing first tastes of food but he’s mostly breastfed. I left him with a stash of expressed breastmilk, and some foods he likes. We’d tested him with the bottle in the weeks before the wedding and did a trial with DS and MIL before the wedding for a couple of hours which was fine. I planned to leave after the meal and DH was going to stay late into the night with his friends.

Anyway, the day of the wedding for whatever reason DS wasn’t having it. MIL tried everything and he wouldn’t settle, wouldn’t feed either with milk or food and was getting more and more upset so she called me back. This was during the drinks reception so the couple were having their photos taken so I couldn’t say goodbye. DH stayed until the end and apologised on my behalf I had to leave early.

Now we’ve found out they were annoyed I left because they’d paid for my meal and could have used my spot for someone else. I know having a wedding is expensive but I don’t really know what I could have done differently. I do feel bad that they paid for a meal that I didn’t eat, but that’s how weddings go sometimes. I had a couple of people pull out on the day of my wedding who were sick and it’s just one of those things. Obviously DS is my priority and we RSVPed yes for me in good faith and it just didn’t work out.

Oh just ignore them. If they can't grasp that you needed to go home and sort this out then they are totally brainless and thoughtless and lacking in empathy so they are not worth a second thought.
Let's hope they are not planning on having children ......

I don’t think you did anything wrong.
If they are relatively local perhaps invite them around for dinner to hear all about the wedding and honeymoon and ‘apologise’ for leaving early but you don’t have to be over apologetic about it.

Who cares if they're annoyed. This makes them CFs in my opinion. She's annoyed, he likely couldn't care less. She's up her own hole. In a while they'll likely have their own kids and have a dose of cop on about it. Ignore them and enjoy your child, life is hard enough without taking on other people's minor irritations.

Do the bride and groom have children yet? I have found that those who do not and insist on child free weddings have absolutely no idea of the demands of a breast feeding baby. For that reason, I do see how they would be annoyed that you left before the meal as feeding your guests at a wedding is expensive and there is always a reserve list. I'm sure they will see how silly they have been when they have their own children if they do not have any now.

I had a child free wedding but had one or two people that asked if they could bring their breast fed child or toddler because they had no childcare options and that was fine with me. I've also had to accept a wedding invite whilst pregnant with my first having no idea how much a baby can change everything so know how difficult that is. Perhaps your DH should have gone alone but then you also deserved to have a day off.

I'm sure the couple will get over it. Sad that they have made an issue of this when the day should have been about the two of them.

I agree with this. If they wanted to, they could look at it differently and recognise the effort you put into being there in the first place and that no sane person gets dressed up to go to a wedding to leave before eating but they’d prefer to feel slighted.

I can't see it from both sides. Jesus Christ you invested weeks of planning and changed your baby's normal way of life for their bloody wedding! Slightly melodramatic wording, but true. Don't worry about how you responded to it!

I'd also say though that the couple probably had a very minor 'it's a shame we didn't know' moment that is also perfectly understandable if not entirely reasonable. Since they didn't say it to your face but to a member of the wedding party presumably at breakfast or something I would just try to forget you ever heard it. They'd probably be mortified to know you had. If it ever comes up you can say 'yes it was a shame wasn't it' because it was!

They are absolutely not ‘allowed to be annoyed’ about a guest at their wedding being called away to care for the very small child they didn’t invite to said wedding. Did they invite guests because they like them and wanted to share the day with them, or as inanimate extras for the photos?

Its one meal. They paid for one meal and op had to leave because her baby wasn't settling. Her husband even stayed. No they dont get to be annoyed. Its pathetic to even complain about such a thing. When you're hosting such an event expect a few issues.

I asked to bring breastfed 6 month old to wedding. Bride said no problem she hadn't thought of that. There was a newborn at wedding too. None of us knew how we'd be feeding etc when rsvp'ing.

7 people didn't turn up at my big wedding. I didn't care even though it was a saving I could have had but they were older guests. 4 turned up to church that weren't invited so they could join the meal then.

You shouldn't be posting this it is such a non-issue. Baby wins, simple as that. No one on their right mind would leave a crying baby all day for the sake of a wedding! People are odd and grumpy and have little else to worry about clearly

You weren't unreasonable to leave. They aren't unreasonable to be irritated. Both can co-exist.

Well unless he could breastfeed it would have been a bit pointless surely ?

Don't feel bad at all. You have a 6 month old who needed you and did the right thing.

Tbh, the idiot who told you should have kept his mouth shut.

They did inspect everyone's plate after the meal and get pissed off with the people who left their potatoes or a slide of beef on the plate? Could have made more savings there!

I think it's really rude of them to even comment. Don't allow this to take up anymore of your head space.

Reflects poorly on the person who told you also. Shit stirring.

Hahaha, don't know why people just type without thinking too well

'They don't have to be ok with it'

I actually disagree with that in the sense that they're grown adults and expecting the OP to have made any other decision other than return to her baby is actually unreasonable.

I don't think anyone has anything to apologise for. A guest going missing from the meal is annoying so you can see they would be proportionately annoyed, but the circumstances were understandable and if the couple don't understand it yet they will as soon as they have a small child. I think it was nice of you to make the effort to go at all, actually - if I'd received an invitation to a child-free wedding when I was pregnant I'd have declined and sent DH on his own. I'm not saying that's what you ought to have done, I'm saying I'd have preferred the easy option whereas you went to considerable trouble to be present. Let it blow over.

Some guests would’ve got themselves so drunk, they spewed up the meal they paid for in the toilets. I wonder if that bothers them…

It’s just one of them things really. What were you supposed to do, leave your MIL with a clearly unhappy baby. I’m sure she wanted nothing more than to be able to babysit for you both for the whole day, but sadly it wasn’t to be this time.

Sod them.
Your baby is more important than a plate of food.
You showed up and showed willing.

Them's the breaks if you are going to have a child-free wedding.

What a couple of twits.

🤣🤣🤣

Not really, sometimes people pull out at the last minute because they're ill or another emergency. I'm sure most couples would hardly notice - there are bigger things to thinking about!

I obviously wasn’t clear; if baby is fed one bottle of expressed milk a day, they tend to be more accepting of bottles than babies who are only occasionally fed from a bottle.

I certainly wouldn’t expect any mother to give up breastfeeding entirely to be able to attend a wedding; that’s ludicrous.

This, exactly.

You weren't unreasonable but seeing as you have emphasised that they are your DH's friends and you don't really know them that well why didn't your DH just go by himself in the first place, and save all the drama?

Errm, men cant lactate, well not in the real world anyway 😂