to have left a wedding early to get back to my baby

[horchatatresleches]

One of DH’s friends had a childfree wedding last weekend which was childfree. We have a 6 month old and left him with MIL for the wedding. We’ve started doing first tastes of food but he’s mostly breastfed. I left him with a stash of expressed breastmilk, and some foods he likes. We’d tested him with the bottle in the weeks before the wedding and did a trial with DS and MIL before the wedding for a couple of hours which was fine. I planned to leave after the meal and DH was going to stay late into the night with his friends.

Anyway, the day of the wedding for whatever reason DS wasn’t having it. MIL tried everything and he wouldn’t settle, wouldn’t feed either with milk or food and was getting more and more upset so she called me back. This was during the drinks reception so the couple were having their photos taken so I couldn’t say goodbye. DH stayed until the end and apologised on my behalf I had to leave early.

Now we’ve found out they were annoyed I left because they’d paid for my meal and could have used my spot for someone else. I know having a wedding is expensive but I don’t really know what I could have done differently. I do feel bad that they paid for a meal that I didn’t eat, but that’s how weddings go sometimes. I had a couple of people pull out on the day of my wedding who were sick and it’s just one of those things. Obviously DS is my priority and we RSVPed yes for me in good faith and it just didn’t work out.

I'd imagine the phone conversation 'can you send your wife's breasts back' might be a bit awkward

People get crazy about weddings. Of course you did the right thing.

YANBU. It’s the risk people take when they have child free weddings, there’s lots of reasons a parent might not be able to attend in the end. They’re not your direct friends, your DH was fine with it so I’d think no more about it.

Some men can’t lactate !!🤣

I wouldn't have gone in the first place so definitely not unreasonable to leave.

I mean a baby crying for hours does not equal an emergency or neglect.

And it clearly wasn’t a case of “hadn’t eaten all day” given OP had only been at the reception for about five minutes.

Honestly, people need to get a grip.

Who in there right mind would leave a baby crying for 4.5hrs if they could avoid it?

I'm surprised the child didn't exhaust themselves and cry themselves to sleep.

But having had a small child wanting Mum cry themselves to sleep on me I'd have called Mum if I could have.

Likely the baby was suffering from terrible ear pain and nothing would have helped. So not useful analogy at all @laundryhamper

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This happened to us but the husband left as well and was one of DHs groomsmen. Annoying that we had paid for two meals that weren’t eaten and I would rather they had found us to say goodbye, it wouldn’t have been hard. We could have had a really nice picture together before they left. At the time I was irritated but it wasn’t the end of the world. Other groomsman was happy to have a double dinner 😂

@horchatatresleches youve done nothing wrong! I appreciate this was a smallish wedding so it would have been more noticeable that you had left but I can’t imagine noticing that my partners friends partner had nipped out at my wedding ! I was having too much fun! If I had had found this out later I can’t imagine being annoyed about it enough to relay it to other people.

you say you’re not very good friends and don’t even have their telephone numbers - if numbers really were an issue and they should have just not invited you!

Like you say there’s a whole host of reasons that you (or anyone) may not have been able to have gone on the day and that’s just life. If they couldn’t cope with that they should have have had a buffet or something where not so expensive per head.

People unfortunately lose their minds over weddings! If the couple go on to have children in the future they will look back and realise how silly they’ve been to be upset about it.

I think one day if they have a baby of their own, they may look back on their judgement of you and absolutely cringe!

No, because (as I said) the baby was screaming long before the flight departed. As you might expect on a night flight, all the pax were desperately hoping they weren’t going to be seated next to the crying…and it turned out to be me.

But nobody said “how neglectful, that mother has failed to stop the crying” or “that baby has been crying for hours, it will be scarred for life”.

At what point would you have called your DIL? After 1/2/3/4/5/6 hours of inconsolable crying? @laundryhamper

absolutely . Also big difference between baby being unsettled and hungry - everyone seems to be skipping over the fact that is a breastfed baby who wasn’t taking a bottle. Too many grandparents thinking about how they want to succeed and not thinking about the baby.

Exactly

my mil did excerpt the same. Before we left I said that it was NO big deal AT ALL if there any issues, just to buzz.

no call. Half way through I called and FIL picked up “yes yes all fine, all going ok, bye”

We returned 4 hours later. My baby was soaked through with sweat from constantly screaming. Hoarse. Pale. Shaking.

If they had just fucking called her supposedly beloved grandson wouldn’t have suffered like this.

In my opinion:

I think it’s valid for the couple who booked the wedding to be a bit disappointed that they’ve lost out on a space for the meal

I think it’s valid that your MIL called you after trying everything to settle your baby

I think it’s valid that you left the wedding early to go and see to your little boy

I think you should have tried to get attention of the newlyweds or DH should have informed them that you unfortunately had to leave due to family emergency. Just my personal view, even if it took 5 mins to grab their attention or if DH spoke to them after the photos.

It wouldn’t bother me if someone had to leave for this reason, I’d understand. Children come first. But unless it was a rush emergency like someone unwell I would expect a sorry got to go, congratulations and goodbye convo

Na, you're 100% not unreasonable in any way.
These things cant be helped.
I wouldnt have flinched at this had it happened at my wedding - prob would have just felt sorry you couldnt have enjoyed a day/ night out as probably rare with a 6 month old, thats all

@Bloobelly We don’t know how long MIL left it before throwing in the towel. Wedding was not far from home & sounds like one of those venues which do both ceremony and reception. I would probably have given it at least four or five hours - one whole feeding cycle. People panic, but it’s really not the worst disaster in the world for an otherwise healthy six month old to miss one feed. And if teething then it probably would have been unsettled no matter who was there.

So just to be clear

you’d have given it at least 4/5 hours of a young baby screaming before calling the parent?

Oh… you’re the unforgettable poster that sent their 8 year old off to boarding school so I don’t think we should be least bit surprised by your posts @laundryhamper

So distressing and I can imagine then you feel you can’t trust them to take care of him again which is really tricky.

We got over it thankfully and actually very close. 14 years later!!

@Penguincushion

Sorry, what’s your point? It sounds like you are trying to be nasty.