Who is in the wrong here. 16 hour argument.

[zebraprintxmasdinner]

Please someone give me some clarity as my mother is draining me and been carrying on this disagreement for 16 hours.

Bus strikes in local area, mum has to get to work for 8:30am, my partner has a car but had a GP apt at 9am, I text my mum and said I will get her an uber to work save her walking as she is 67, she refused plenty of times so I just left it. She couldn’t have had a lift off my partner as he needed to leave for his gp apt.

She has been in a foul mood with me, saying how hard work it was to walk, I said she should’ve took my offer of an uber, she responds with a tirade of how she wasn’t even offered a lift off me, she does me favours all the time etc etc and how her friend at work would’ve gave a lift if she had known.

This has been going on since yesterday. Please can someone clarify if I am the Arsehole of the year or not.

On the face of it I'd say you're mum is unreasonable but can you clarify why you didn't offer to give her a lift?

This foul mood… all virtual presumably? You don’t live together?

From your POV you’ve done nothing wrong, but it really depends how good your communication was with your DM.
Did she know about the GP appointment?
Did she know you were offering an Uber because you couldn’t offer a lift?
When did you communicate everything to her? Was it last minute?

You wanted to help by offering an uber. I'm assuming you don't drive. Without having your mums side it is hard to say but on the face of it yanbu

She refers to all the favours she does for you..,, interesting

Why can this grown woman not get herself an uber?

You are not the arsehole here. You offered her a good alternative (Uber) and she refused. She made the decision to walk and thus doesn’t have the right to complain about it. She also had ample time to tell her friend and ask for a lift given she had enough time to refuse you multiple times.

Do you own a car? If not I don't know how she expects you to give her lifts. Presumably you explained the situation with DP and his GP appointment. So clearly she was aware it was uber or nothing.

Does she have an issue with using taxis?

Tell her again you had no means of giving her a lift and she refused the Uber. And that you won't discuss it anymore or fall out over it.

Offered the uber re impending strikes last week then reminded her every day up until yesterday
Did make her aware of GP apt
I can’t drive myself
We both help eachother out, but she has habit for this sort of shit acting a martyr

No she has no issue with using taxis

Did she get to work??

Mum is in the wrong. You offered a solution she refused end of. If she knew a colleague would have given her a lift she should have asked them.

She won’t ask anyone for anything but will moan at me for not moving heaven and earth
She got to work but I won’t hear the end of this

Lovely!

what favours does she do for you?

I would have probably taken her to work but earlier than usual

Why do you need to hear it? Just don't engage. Is it over messages or in person?

She takes my parcels in, gets us lunch sometimes which I do for her, she accepted an uber off me last week cos the bus was late and she had a migraine coming on, I help her when she is struggling financially
We do things for each other. I’ve never been a person to take the piss out of my mum.

OP said she doesn't drive.

Yes, sorry, meant the partner before the appointment

My partner would’ve taken her. His apt was at 9am and our GP is about a 20 min drive away. There are no buses on at all and traffic is absolutely horrendous.

Assuming you couldn’t take her yourself, perhaps your partner could have taken her much earlier than she needed to go and the returned in time for his appointment.

During a recent transport strike Uber fares were 5 times the usual rate. That might not be an issue for you. Just thought I’d mention it.

As for arguing about something for 16 hours, just accept that on this occasion you’re not going to agree and agree to disagree. It’s done now so neither of you will gain anything from winning the argument

Suggest a nice step thru electric bike. She's 67, don't pander to her now, it only gets worse with age.

Why should the partner take her to work? He isn't a taxi. She is a grown women, she could have got a taxi herself or made other plans or took the nice offer of an uber.

She wouldn’t accept anything because it wasn’t a lift.
We had world war 3 last week because I didn’t offer her a drink in my house, I said she can always ask me I don’t mind. She is my mum
She replied with horror that “she wouldn’t dream of asking for a drink in anyone else house”

it’s very draining

If she's working why can't she get her own uber?

she's being 100% unreasonable, just ignore her or tell her to stop going on about it. You offered her to get her an uber, she didn't take you up on it, that's her problem.

Your partner could have taken her really early, would that have made her happy??