Who is in the wrong here. 16 hour argument.

[zebraprintxmasdinner]

Please someone give me some clarity as my mother is draining me and been carrying on this disagreement for 16 hours.

Bus strikes in local area, mum has to get to work for 8:30am, my partner has a car but had a GP apt at 9am, I text my mum and said I will get her an uber to work save her walking as she is 67, she refused plenty of times so I just left it. She couldn’t have had a lift off my partner as he needed to leave for his gp apt.

She has been in a foul mood with me, saying how hard work it was to walk, I said she should’ve took my offer of an uber, she responds with a tirade of how she wasn’t even offered a lift off me, she does me favours all the time etc etc and how her friend at work would’ve gave a lift if she had known.

This has been going on since yesterday. Please can someone clarify if I am the Arsehole of the year or not.

Yes, and that splits families. Not a happy situation to prolong from both sides. If you think the mother is unreasonable then an apology " I'm sorry you feel we've let you down ....Can we put this behind us?" Is not a climb down. It's a diplomatic way of bringing things to a conclusion and maintaining a relationship.

If I said that to my mum she’d tell me it was a ‘non apology’ and that ‘I’m sorry you feel that… ’ is a cop out. I don’t think people realise that all families are different 🤷🏻‍♀️

She can hold down a job but isnt capable of walking or ordering herself a cab?

yanbu

Op… your mother sounds exhausting

However I think the person to go LC with is your partner. And your mother, despite all her many faults, may be a much needed support to do this?

Why is it your responsibility to get your Mum to work? She's an adult & should be making her own arrangements. If the buses are off then she makes alternative arrangements to get herself to work not rely on you or your Husband. Just don't entertain her behaviour towards you. If she's huffing with you let her huff. Sounds like she'll need you before you need her so let her stew & when she's over it speak with her as usual.

That only works with ordinary people having an ordinary disagreement.

Splitting families isn't a bad thing when you need to get away from toxicity. Maintaining a relationship with her mother to what end? So she can go through this shite day after day after endless fucking day? Because these people never stop. There is no moving on because the only way they're prepared to move on is to a reality where everyone runs round doing exactly what they want them to do exactly when they want them to do it. Any deviation, anyone trying to have a life of their own or exercise personal autonomy and they'll be punished with this nonsense for "being wrong" and so what then? Another grovelling apology for stuff you haven't even done and back to jumping to attention every time they snap their fingers? What's the point?! It gets so you can't have a life with these people in your life, the two things become incompatible unless your idea of having a life is being your parents personal slave and emotional punching bag until they die.

How did she know you had a parcel coming? Presumably because you told her. Stop telling her these things, stop relying on her for stuff and then she can’t use it to try to manipulate you.

Yes the amount of threads I see from posters with profoundly unpleasant, demanding and dramatic mothers who seem to spend inordinate amount of time with their mothers, and quite often their mothers are very heavily involved with childcare and helping out the OP generally.

It is as though they know their mother is unpleasant but they don’t want them to piss off because they need them for childcare or other practical matters!

My mum doesn’t frequently have my child.

Not frequently

but you do use her don’t you?

So go LC but accept that you’re going to have to pick up what she currently does or outsource

I wouldn't accept this behaviour any longer.. she has you inside out and upside down that's no way to make your daughter feel .
Lessen contact with her your own sanity it's the only way .

She said in her opening post that they regularly do things for each other.

Indeed

happens all the time

OPs complaining about their very obviously profoundly unpleasant mothers BUT not so unpleasant that they don’t use them for childcare and other practical uses!

You’re missing the bit where she does things for her mother too.

Yes but again!!

It a profoundly unpleasant mother

but the op and mother completely enmeshed in day to day life and reliant on one another.

If you think your mother is all as you describe on this thread op..,, stop doing stuff for her and…. Brace yourself…. Stop asking her to do stuff for you.