Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend has described himself as “pussy whipped”

191 replies

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 01/10/2025 20:11

I don’t know if im just being extra sensitive because im on my period and feeling crap in general, so I want some perspective.

my boyfriend and I have been together for about four months. We’re both 26. He’s sent me a screenshot of a conversation he was having with one of his friends this evening, where he agrees with his friend who says he’s “pussy whipped” and he shoots back and basically says the sex is so good I can have whatever I want.

this entire exchange has just made me feel really
grossed out, because I think that’s something I wouldn’t discuss with anyone else. AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 03:19

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 03:18

Yeah, it is definitely NOT a compliment to the woman.

It is a way for men to make other men feel lesser if they have actual emotions and think of a woman as a fully fledged human - it's to cheapen any emotional bond the man might feel towards the woman. Love? Nah, you're just pussy whipped mate.

It is a way for men to say the only interesting or important thing about a woman is her vagina and how much sex they get.

It is a way for men to make other men feel that they are weak and should not give into those annoying emotional connections. She's a useful and willing hole and must be described as such.

You'll never hear a man in a happy relationship who values his wife/girlfriend/fiancee say of any other man that he's "pussy whipped".

Edited
Show quote history

Exactly. Arguably the newer 'simp' is used in a very similar way.

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 03:20

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 03:19

Exactly. Arguably the newer 'simp' is used in a very similar way.

Show quote history

Agreed.

ByQuirkyCat · 02/10/2025 03:53

If he's not making you feel good about yourself four months in he never will. You'd be better off leaving, but at the very least please stay on your birth control.

BCBird · 02/10/2025 04:02

Why is he discussing ur sex life with his friend and telling you about it? Doesn't understand what pussy whipped means

OwlBeThere · 02/10/2025 04:42

Crushed23 · 02/10/2025 00:53

This is completely fanciful. No 26 year-olds talk like that in private conversations with their friends. None.

When I was 26 (and still now, a decade on, tbh) I was talking very crudely about sex and boys to my friends. It was a safe space. No one was calling anyone out for lewd or misandrist comments.

The problem here is this immature douche thought it was a good idea to share a screenshot of such a conversation with his gf?! Yeah, you need to have a word, OP.

Show quote history

It’s what my sons would say and they are younger than 26. Just because some people are crude and misogynistic or whatever doesn’t mean they all are.

OwlBeThere · 02/10/2025 04:49

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 00:36

No, it's been around for absolutely decades in the UK.

Edited
Show quote history

Rap has also been around for ‘absolute decades’.

OwlBeThere · 02/10/2025 04:54

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 01:00

Yeah I think some people are being naive about how men (and some women) talk about sex to their friends (ofc without reporting back to their partners).

Edited
Show quote history

I’m not at all naive, I’m very well aware how some people speak about sex and their SO, that doesn’t mean l have to accept that it’s inevitable or that there is no other way for people to talk about sex or their partners. It’s not acceptable and the only way to change it, is to say it’s not ok.

Also 26 is a fully grown adult, you aren’t talking about ‘boys’ at that age you’re talking about adult men and adult women. I had 4 kids at 26. Infantilising adult men is why they continue to behave like teenagers.

OneGladRoseTiger · 02/10/2025 05:22

Screamingabdabz · 01/10/2025 20:13

“…basically says the sex is so good I can have whatever I want.”

Thats not being pussy whipped though. Pussy whipped is him wanting to be with you and do what you want even if there was no sex. I’ve be put out too op. It’s grim.

Maybe it’s different where you are but that’s not the definition here in the US.

Shoxfordian · 02/10/2025 05:25

Yeah it'd definitely give me the ick if someone was speaking about me like that.

unsync · 02/10/2025 05:52

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 01/10/2025 20:45

He’s, okay. Certainly not amazing, not awful but he doesn’t do a lot to make me feel special

Show quote history

This alone is enough reason to leave. 'Not awful' is not a standard to base a relationship on. You deserve better. You should be with someone because they add something positive to your life and enrich it.

Original poster
StrawberrySourpatchKids · 02/10/2025 06:11

Sorry everyone, I had an early night because I’ve got an early shift!

I think I’m going to end it with him. I’ve had a think overnight and it’s just not that good a relationship overall. I don’t know what he was thinking sending it to me. He genuinely seemed to think it was a compliment?

in any case, I just don’t want to be with him after that. I’m not stupid, I know people discuss sex with their friends, but I’d never do it in such vulgar or derogatory ways.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 02/10/2025 06:16

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 02/10/2025 06:11

Sorry everyone, I had an early night because I’ve got an early shift!

I think I’m going to end it with him. I’ve had a think overnight and it’s just not that good a relationship overall. I don’t know what he was thinking sending it to me. He genuinely seemed to think it was a compliment?

in any case, I just don’t want to be with him after that. I’m not stupid, I know people discuss sex with their friends, but I’d never do it in such vulgar or derogatory ways.

I think you have made the right decision. The fact that he thought that it was a compliment definitely rings alarm bells and his overall behaviour in your relationship doesn't sound great.

Coconutter24 · 02/10/2025 06:56

Illegally18 · 01/10/2025 22:36

Yes, I thought it meant a man being controlled by a woman.

Show quote history

It does, he’ll do anything she wants or asks because he doesn’t want her to say no to sex if he says no to something else

Coconutter24 · 02/10/2025 07:01

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:29

I think it's a rap term. Basically a man who's so sexually attracted to a woman, he'll do anything she wants, so it's like she's whipping him.

Show quote history

No, it means he’ll do anything for the woman so she doesn’t deny him of sex. So he’s ‘pussy whipped’ because he’s controlled by the pussy (Urghh I hate that word)

ohyesido · 02/10/2025 07:05

pussy whipped usually means being held in thrall by a sexual partner and being happy to be dominated or controlled by that person due to the sexual aspect of the relationship. It’s usually a derogatory term for a man who is controlled by his dick for want of a better word

Illegally18 · 02/10/2025 10:49

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:32

My bad, apparently it's been used since the 1960s in the US, & was ironically used for Bikini Kill's album title back in the 90s.

Show quote history

And Rod Stewart uses it in his 70s album 'Atlantic Crossing'.

JHound · 02/10/2025 10:54

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:29

I think it's a rap term. Basically a man who's so sexually attracted to a woman, he'll do anything she wants, so it's like she's whipping him.

Show quote history

It’s not a rap term.

JHound · 02/10/2025 10:56

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:36

Tbf wouldn't a lot of men not be with their girlfriends if they didn't get sex? Ditto many women & their husbands.

That's not the same as only valuing someone for sex.

Show quote history

But he does only value her for sex. It’s right there in his response to his friend.

JHound · 02/10/2025 11:11

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 02/10/2025 06:11

Sorry everyone, I had an early night because I’ve got an early shift!

I think I’m going to end it with him. I’ve had a think overnight and it’s just not that good a relationship overall. I don’t know what he was thinking sending it to me. He genuinely seemed to think it was a compliment?

in any case, I just don’t want to be with him after that. I’m not stupid, I know people discuss sex with their friends, but I’d never do it in such vulgar or derogatory ways.

I had an ex like this. He recounted to me a fairly gross discussion he has with his cousin and his cousin’s mate about me. He basically told them, he loved having sex with me because of how “tight” I was and he was genuinely, genuinely dumbfounded that I was not complimented by home discussing my genitals with
his cousin / friend. He was an idiot.

Also I hate the way your bloke of 4 months
reduced what he likes about you to
sex. “Not awful” should never be your bar.

Jollyjoy · 02/10/2025 11:19

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 02/10/2025 06:11

Sorry everyone, I had an early night because I’ve got an early shift!

I think I’m going to end it with him. I’ve had a think overnight and it’s just not that good a relationship overall. I don’t know what he was thinking sending it to me. He genuinely seemed to think it was a compliment?

in any case, I just don’t want to be with him after that. I’m not stupid, I know people discuss sex with their friends, but I’d never do it in such vulgar or derogatory ways.

I’m glad you’ve reached that conclusion. As they say round here, ‘when someone shows you who they are, believe them’…

You deserve way better.

TheHillIsMine · 02/10/2025 13:15

I'd end it. It's not a complement wherever you look at it. He's grading you by your ability in bed.

shuggles · 02/10/2025 20:00

@JHound Nowhere does that comment mention being “intensely attracted to her”.

Well it does. Saying that your girlfriend is so good during sex that she has free reign to do whatever she wants is indicative of intense attraction.

shuggles · 02/10/2025 20:00

@CleopatraSelene And 'whipped' sounds very negative.

"Whipped" is not negative for the whipper.

It is only negative for the whippee.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 20:02

shuggles · 02/10/2025 20:00

@JHound Nowhere does that comment mention being “intensely attracted to her”.

Well it does. Saying that your girlfriend is so good during sex that she has free reign to do whatever she wants is indicative of intense attraction.

Most uses of 'pussy whipped' are men mocking other men for being allegedly subservient to their wife or gf. I think it's very hard to argue it's normally used in a positive way.

Tropicana46 · 02/10/2025 20:14

I wouldn't be bothered by this personally but you've said you're not happy with him in general so ending it is for the best.