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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend has described himself as “pussy whipped”

191 replies

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 01/10/2025 20:11

I don’t know if im just being extra sensitive because im on my period and feeling crap in general, so I want some perspective.

my boyfriend and I have been together for about four months. We’re both 26. He’s sent me a screenshot of a conversation he was having with one of his friends this evening, where he agrees with his friend who says he’s “pussy whipped” and he shoots back and basically says the sex is so good I can have whatever I want.

this entire exchange has just made me feel really
grossed out, because I think that’s something I wouldn’t discuss with anyone else. AIBU to feel like this?

OP posts:
WildLeader · 01/10/2025 23:15

StrawberrySourpatchKids · 01/10/2025 20:45

He’s, okay. Certainly not amazing, not awful but he doesn’t do a lot to make me feel special

Show quote history

And now he’s done something to make you feel really SHIT.

hes got to go. You’re worth better than this.

if you don’t bin him, this is the best you’ll ever see. He’s only going to get worse if he thins you’re a sure thing and hooked on him.

move on. Today

Higglea · 01/10/2025 23:23

PoppySeed091 · 01/10/2025 23:15

100% this!

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Thank you - current me is talking to younger me. Life is short and there literally will be another one along in a minute and it’s like shooting fish in a barrel in your 20s…

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 01/10/2025 23:42

Yes that would be more than enough of an ick to make me end the relationship in your situation.

DaffodilDaisyRose · 01/10/2025 23:44

He’s 26 not 18. Surely if he wanted to have this type of communication with his friend then he should just leave it there between the two of them. Why screenshot it and send it on? Seems weird. I would have a good think if the relationship is really all that great. What else is he bringing to the table?

AmpleLilacQuail · 01/10/2025 23:49

That’s so vile

JHound · 02/10/2025 00:06

Straight in the dustbin ready for Friday’s bin collection.

JHound · 02/10/2025 00:08

Anchorage56 · 01/10/2025 20:14

26 or 16?

Basically what I was thinking. This sounds like what I expect a teenage boy to say.

JHound · 02/10/2025 00:15

shuggles · 01/10/2025 21:15

This is the dilemma, of course.

Men are expected to be intensely attracted to their partners... but for some reason, just aren't supposed to verbalise it. Which all seems a bit odd to me.

Edited

Nowhere does that comment mention being “intensely attracted to her”.

Nowhere.

He just reduces her to sexual prowess. It’s gross.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:29

suburberphobe · 01/10/2025 20:18

You deserve so much better than a man talking about "being pussy whipped".

What does that even mean?

I'm old

I think it's a rap term. Basically a man who's so sexually attracted to a woman, he'll do anything she wants, so it's like she's whipping him.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:32

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:29

I think it's a rap term. Basically a man who's so sexually attracted to a woman, he'll do anything she wants, so it's like she's whipping him.

Show quote history

My bad, apparently it's been used since the 1960s in the US, & was ironically used for Bikini Kill's album title back in the 90s.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:34

outerspacepotato · 01/10/2025 22:04

I would make sure that he would be describing himself as abstinent, since I wouldn't stick around someone who was crass enough to discuss our sex life with his buds.

Don't most men do that, though? Discuss their sex life with friends, I mean. I suspect a lot of women would be unhappy with how their husbands talk to their friends.

The difference is that most aren't dumb enough to share crude texts with their girlfriend.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:36

thelakeisle1 · 01/10/2025 22:29

Lol, the hysteria on this site whenever a slightly off colour phrase is used is hilarious. Wait, the noice brigade will come for me hysterically shrieking because I used the words hysteria, hysterically and shrieking 😅

It's a bit of a sad phrase, bit sexist. Definitely nothing to throw yourself off a bridge over though 😆

The main problem is not the phrase, it's that it means he would not be with you if you weren't giving him sex, that sex is the only thing he likes about you - he doesn't like your sense of humour, kindness, intelligence, fun - all the things that make you you - just access to your fanny.

Long ago, I had a boyfriend I was really keen on and he was really keen on me we were happy and in that first flush of slightly too lovey dovey love - both of us. We went away on a group camping holiday with some of his friends and their girlfriends. We weren't being too much, just happy and nice to one another, holding hands the odd peck on the cheek - we kept the other stuff for when we were in private.

But one of his friends (who was in a miserable relationshipo) made a snide remark about being pussy whipped - the pretence being that this was a joke. He changed after that, he didn't want his friends to think he was - well - pussy whipped. I never forgot that comment, the look on his face, or the way things changed right after. We split up a couple of months later. I never blamed his friend for that of course - it was my boyfriend who gave in to his friend's stupid macho shite, and ruined things for himself.

So no, it's not the term, it's just a phrase, a bit sexist, outdated, nothing to see a therapist about. It's what underlies that phrase.

Tbf wouldn't a lot of men not be with their girlfriends if they didn't get sex? Ditto many women & their husbands.

That's not the same as only valuing someone for sex.

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 00:36

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:29

I think it's a rap term. Basically a man who's so sexually attracted to a woman, he'll do anything she wants, so it's like she's whipping him.

Show quote history

No, it's been around for absolutely decades in the UK.

3678194b · 02/10/2025 00:37

And this is a grown man? I've never even heard that expression!

Yes, I'd be totally grossed out too.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:39

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 00:36

No, it's been around for absolutely decades in the UK.

Edited
Show quote history

Sorry, I checked & see now...👍

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:40

3678194b · 02/10/2025 00:37

And this is a grown man? I've never even heard that expression!

Yes, I'd be totally grossed out too.

How do you think a lot of grown men talk among themselves?

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:42

shuggles · 01/10/2025 21:25

@OwlBeThere man: yes she’s hot as hell, but more importantly she’s funny/kind/intelligent/not a piece of meat for you to objectify.

Is it not the opposite? The implication of "pussy whipped" is that the man has ascribed a queen-like or goddess-like status to the woman.

Well reducing her to her genitals doesn't sound like that...

And 'whipped' sounds very negative.

3678194b · 02/10/2025 00:43

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:40

How do you think a lot of grown men talk among themselves?

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I've seen plenty of texts between men. Not in such derogatory, disrespectful terms, no, must admit I haven't.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:44

Owly11 · 01/10/2025 20:47

urgh gross. He doesn’t seem to have a filter. Does he think you will be impressed by this? If my partner was talking to his mates about having sex with me I would be having a serious conversation with him and weighing up my options.

Tbf probs a lot of men talk about their sex life with their mates....but don't tell their wives that.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:45

3678194b · 02/10/2025 00:43

I've seen plenty of texts between men. Not in such derogatory, disrespectful terms, no, must admit I haven't.

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Well you probs wouldn't be shown disrespectful ones even if they did write them..

Plenty of men don't talk this way ofc, but I don't think women should have illusions about the amount that do.

Crushed23 · 02/10/2025 00:53

OwlBeThere · 01/10/2025 21:21

Of course they can verbalise it

friend: dude you’re pussy whipped
man: ew that’s a gross expression. Please don’t talk about my gf like that.
friend: don’t you fancy her or something?
man: yes she’s hot as hell, but more importantly she’s funny/kind/intelligent/not a piece of meat for you to objectify.

It’s not hard.

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This is completely fanciful. No 26 year-olds talk like that in private conversations with their friends. None.

When I was 26 (and still now, a decade on, tbh) I was talking very crudely about sex and boys to my friends. It was a safe space. No one was calling anyone out for lewd or misandrist comments.

The problem here is this immature douche thought it was a good idea to share a screenshot of such a conversation with his gf?! Yeah, you need to have a word, OP.

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 01:00

Crushed23 · 02/10/2025 00:53

This is completely fanciful. No 26 year-olds talk like that in private conversations with their friends. None.

When I was 26 (and still now, a decade on, tbh) I was talking very crudely about sex and boys to my friends. It was a safe space. No one was calling anyone out for lewd or misandrist comments.

The problem here is this immature douche thought it was a good idea to share a screenshot of such a conversation with his gf?! Yeah, you need to have a word, OP.

Show quote history

Yeah I think some people are being naive about how men (and some women) talk about sex to their friends (ofc without reporting back to their partners).

LBFseBrom · 02/10/2025 02:52

Anchorage56 · 01/10/2025 20:14

26 or 16?

That's exactly what I thought.

MeTooOverHere · 02/10/2025 02:55

northernballer · 01/10/2025 20:13

Why has he shared the screenshot with you?! Does he think he's being complimentary?

My Q too. In what way did this occur? Was he bragging?

thelakeisle1 · 02/10/2025 03:18

CleopatraSelene · 02/10/2025 00:42

Well reducing her to her genitals doesn't sound like that...

And 'whipped' sounds very negative.

Show quote history

Yeah, it is definitely NOT a compliment to the woman.

It is a way for men to make other men feel lesser if they have actual emotions and think of a woman as a fully fledged human - it's to cheapen any emotional bond the man might feel towards the woman. Love? Nah, you're just pussy whipped mate.

It is a way for men to say the only interesting or important thing about a woman is her vagina and how much sex they get.

It is a way for men to make other men feel that they are weak and should not give into those annoying emotional connections. She's a useful and willing hole and must be described as such.

You'll never hear a man in a happy relationship who values his wife/girlfriend/fiancee say of any other man that he's "pussy whipped".