Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

[Gillinggold]

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy.

He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that.

Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended.

He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

Reminds me of my dh - whenever I see something we’ve been considering on offer I message and say look at this great deal. He says oh yes let’s think about it. I then bring it up in conversation later and say shall we go for it? He says he hasn’t thought about it. By the time he does want to go ahead or look at it together it is no longer on offer and countless times we’ve paid more than we need to. It is THE most frustrating thing. Sometimes I just order and return if we then don’t want because I hate spending more than we need to just because dh is indecisive

I think women just want to be treated with respect and thoughtfulness. By reducing that to ‘being treated like a queen’ you make us sound like we ask a lot of men just for that. How unfair. And we apparently have to ‘behave like a queen’ for that - what does that even mean? Are we allowed no expectations of men at all?

And yes, we all make silly mistakes. How we act when we make them is what makes the difference. Do we own them and try to make them right if we can? Do we acknowledge the impact on others? That’s what the OP needed here.

Hi there, I understand your appeal with the advent calender and I was in the same position last year. I ended up buying it on eBay for a little more and used almost everything in it over the year so it was worth it. You could give that a try. This year I bought both the space NK and John Lewis and I felt the products in John Lewis were really lovely and high end. If you are unable to get the space NK, maybe you could try the JL one this year? Sign up early for 2026. Good luck

There's always next year...

Mistakes happen sometimes. Things are moved by other shoppers so they’re not in the right pile and it’s easy to look at the label on the shelf and pick up something you think is what you’re looking for only to find when you get home but it’s not. It’s happened in our household.🤷🏼‍♀️

Get him to buy all the individual products and DIY an advent calendar for you 😂

Oh, grow up. It’s an advent calendar. You’re not 15.

I don’t think you know what that word means

OP there are many times when I’ve gone to order something which I’m pleased to see is still in stock only to find when I’ve clicked through to pay for it that other people have beaten me to it. Yes it would have been better if he’d tried to place the order then and there but there are no guarantees.

Thats so typical of a lot of men they dont see the need or urgancy, procastinate, miss the boat, yes you have every right to be annoyed. mind i told my DP i loved this certain necklace and had been looking for this sort for 8 months he said oh nice! so i told my daughter she said she would buy it me for my Birthday (this is last year) when she went to buy it it was gone i was so disappointed, my birthday came and went and i forgot about it ...come Christmas what a lovely surprise my DP had bought it and kept it back so it was a surprise for me it was a real big surprise.

It’s a calendar. Worse things happen at sea.

No shit

Urgh so annoying. He is certainly not owed your gratitude. The Look Fantastic advent is fab if that’s an option.

First world problems 🤦‍♀️ seriously?

I think MN would cease to exist very quickly if people could only post on strictly existential issues.

Grow up. Buy your own. 🤣🤣

That sucks but yeah at least you have the gifts :D

I assume he wasn’t like that during dating then as so many men do he switched once you married right?

I have zero time for low effort men nowadays. I told my current partner who I met in his city while travelling abroad, that I really wanted to check out a museum exhibit. Ticket were going fast and I was worried he would mess me about and I’d miss my opportunity to see the museum before I flew home. But as promised he did organise and pay for tickets to said museum, then without me even knowing it he had also made dinner reservations to this lovely Asian fusion restaurant for afterwards.

It was such a contrast to the guy I mentioned upthread who just couldn’t be arsed with doing anything except telling me I was ungrateful and wanting sex (didn’t give him it thankfully).

There’s a phrase I hear nowadays “if he wanted to he would”. There is of course nuance to this and exceptions etc but as a rule of thumb it makes a lot of sense.

That's exactly what she was going to do before he interfered with the plan. And because of that interference she now can't buy her own because it's sold out.

Really? Because we know that in general men really care about what they partner wants/sarcasm

You Know how history of caring for her? Sounds to me this is symptomatic of how he treats her. So I know his history? No. But I know the attitude that many men commonly have

I think showing one's partner that you care about them should have a sense of urgency

Do you speak like this in real life?

What is happening is the OP is being Subjective and many of the others are being Objective.

I’d say that’s your subjective opinion of posts on here actually.

Hi, I don’t mean to tar all men with the same brush …but they really don’t seem to get this kind of urgency …these calendars are like gold dust & the make so few to keep it that way and keep them special…& they don’t want to be left with them either! Yes they are expensive, but one buys what they can afford and some people can afford them and they are a super way to try a bunch of new products yearly when you are time short and money rich.. so each to their own… My advice would be re your partner…if you came on here to complain about this you already know there’s warning signs …. Go with your gut , being with someone who doesn’t want the best for you, won’t get better with time… life is tough and you want someone who sees you and your needs and you his by your side imo …
old married woman opion 😊