Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

[Gillinggold]

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy.

He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that.

Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended.

He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

I am being specific to this person not generalising. She went to town about nothing really. All I am saying is if you want to be treated with respect, treat others with respect and that means accepting when your partner falls short especially in trivial things like this.

I guess some people are perfect … linguine and spaghetti look remarkably similar in a cardboard package with a small plastic window if they are from the same brand.

It was important to her, therefore it should have been important to her partner, because she is important to him. I don't give a shit about football but my dad does - I therefore understand what a big deal something like going to Wembley was for him and wouldn't have dismissed it as trivial. That would be treating someone with no respect.
People are pissing on the OP's chips because it's 'only' a beauty advent calendar. But it's a specific thing that she'll have spent time researching, to find the one with the most products she wanted to use in, that would have brought a bit of enjoyment for months.
He messed up and instead of apologising for not listening to her he told her she should be grateful for his actions, when those actions mean she doesn't now have the 'trivial' thing she wanted. I'm not sure what about his actions, in this specific instance as the only insight we have into their relationship, warrants respect.

No one is saying it was not important to her. But growing up also involves knowing that the world does not revolve around you. I love football too but I don’t let it make me so unreasonable that I would choose to miss my sister’s wedding… I know someone who was prepared to do so … and the dates had to be changed. We are only hearing one side of the story , it would have been good to hear what Mr’s mind set was , what was happening, if and why he delayed etc etc … the fact that she is pissed off by such a small thing means there is something deeper in this relationship that we have not been told …

No one is saying it was not important to her. But growing up also involves knowing that the world does not revolve around you.

Wow, you sound like a real catch. Do you say things like this to your own wife or do you just think them?

@PinkArt

Maybe having a severely autistic child and a wife who started uni at 32 and has a PhD while raising an autistic child with a husband with a travelling job, just makes my tolerance for frivolities like this very very low …

you know you don't have to respond to threads you consider too frivolous for your taste?

My wife is a grown up … been together for 25 years , we have a disabled son , we have great careers , we have suffered and enjoyed together … but if she does something childish I will point out just as she will do when I do something childish…whether I am catch or not is really not important…I think …

I daresay whether you are a catch or not has a big impact on her life though. Poor woman.

She's spent years at the coal face when you've been working away.

She deserves the kind of husband who would be saying, "That's really poor of your husband, OP, if my wife asked for something she really wanted for her birthday and was really specific about wanting the latest model, I would get her what she wanted, because she means the world to me."

Yes , but I also can.

My wife gets everything she wants that I can afford. All I am saying is moaning about a calendar would not be high up her agenda.

I haven’t commented anything about you but you are attacking me. I commented to the OP …I don’t know anything about you and you know nothing about me … let’s stick to the topic , not these ad hominem comments… it’s beneath us

No, in her position finding a nicer husband would be higher up my agenda.

Attack the individual… you don’t know me … and you are already swearing at me. I haven’t commented about you but you are attacking me. I am allowed to say my point of view whether you like it or not , you do not control the world. My wife and I support each other and have done so through tough times and good times. By frivolities , I mean complaining about trivial things….entitlement… and my point is directed to the OP not to you with all due respect

This is what I call losing an argument…you don’t know me at all , stick to the topic

Why are you wasting your precious time on frivolities like a mumsnet thread then? You've told us how important you and your time are, job done, no need to keep pissing on the OP's chips.
You can leave all the trivial little people alone and go and tell your wife and your severely autistic child that the world doesn't revolve around them.

Clear the distinction between those who value relationships and those who are leaping on an opportunity for validation of mysandry.

Some people just like trying to look superior.

If you’re not interested in beauty advent calendars, perhaps this isn’t the thread for you.

OP there is a SpaceNK fragrance advent due to be released soon.

I can say what I want , when I want , you don’t have to read. You are being nasty about my son yet I have said nothing nasty to you. I am reporting this post.

Let me get this right…
Yu have a severely disabled dc but you’re travelling a lot for work - so you aren’t here to support your wife
Ypur wofe managed to still get her PhD. I’m assuming she is now working but ‘you’re getting her what you can afford to get her’ sounding really nice on the surface but there’s no acknowledgement of the fact your wife works and has an income. Just yours.
And then you think it’s ok to berate the OP because your wife wouod think about moaning about such frivolous things. Well no, she won’t. Seeing your attitude, she knows very well Theres no point. Basically she is either buying what she wants wo you or making herself smaller to appease you.
Because there no way a strong educated woman would accept some of the comments you’ve made.

If I'm being nasty then no more so than you were. I merely repeated your own words - 'growing up also involves knowing that the world does not revolve around you'. You felt these were appropriate words in relation to the OP and her scenario that you seem to keen to dismiss. Either it's a shitty thing to say about someone or it isn't.

You're. It being ungrateful. It's annoying. You could have got it yourself but you didn't because he said he would and now you've missed out.

Oh boo hoo!

This is the most stupid comment I have ever seen. You must have a very tiny life. And heart