Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

[Gillinggold]

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy.

He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that.

Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended.

He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

It’s an expression to say if you think about it my problem is negligible…we have become such a self-centred society … these trinkets don’t really matter

I did not "This is a prime opportunity for Partner A to say "I told you so" and try to claim the high ground, helping change the relationship dynamic in their favour so they can gain power over Partner B. Partner B may not respond well to this approach. Both will probably end up feeling upset." - the grateful comment would have occured in the altercation highlighted here.

@DeltaC

Op TOLD him it would sell out very soon if he didn’t get it straightaway in spite of the fact it is October. It’s his fault.

and how do you know it’s you didn’t even know what it is? That is quite silly of you really isn’t it.

@DeltaC

what do you put on face? Unless it’s literally just soap and water you really cannot comment. Hypocrite.

DeltaC is here to be the voice of men, so obviously has no need of prettification.

I don’t know what a beauty calendar even is beyond this thread but as I’ve said upthread it’s the principle of The thing and the fact he doesn’t seem contrite about it. If he said “sorry @Gillinggold I messed up, what can I do to make it up” I’m sure OP wouldn’t have posted this. It’s the fact he did a bit of DARVO with the “you’re so ungrateful” when Op expressed annoyance or disappointment that is the main issue .

I once traveled a long way by plane to visit a guy. I know silly me for doing that yeah, but anyway he said he would take me to all these museums and this fancy restaurant.

On the second day when I asked him about it as we hadn’t been anywhere he basically said I was ungrateful. I had mates in that city I could’ve stayed with and went to all those places with them. So I was not best pleased.

Calling someone ungrateful in that context is a manipulative tactic that seeks to deflect and avoid accountability. In my case, sure it wasn’t the end of the world if I didn’t have a visit to this museum I wanted to go for ages, but it was the fact he accused me of being ungrateful that really pissed me off.

I didn’t see him again once I left and that was my choice! I regret ever meeting him but the good thing is it taught me to judge men by their actions and not their words though and to look at how a man responds when you express disappointment in something he has failed to do. Is he sorry or does he deflect?

Early on in our marriage, my husband went to the market down the road and bought me a paperback book as a gift for our first Christmas.
I couldn’t believe it.
I had put so much time and love and care into his gift - and he spent 10 minutes and £3 on me.
From then on, I got to choose my own gifts - not very much fun, but at least they were nice.
I still have the gifts - I don’t have the husband.

Why didn’t she just buy it herself? With her own money that she earns herself?
An advent calendar isn’t a Christmas present … it’s bought weeks/months before Christmas.
Sorry, but if I wanted an Advent beauty calendar the I would buy it myself. DH would buy me a Christmas Present.

Guaranteed this thread would have gone so differently if the OP had wanted tickets to an almost sold out exhibition or a first edition in that was in auction. God forbid she wanted to buy a frivolous lady product to treat herself.

They never said you should be grateful, they said you are being ungrateful….don’t sound same

@DeltaC

well how can she be ungrateful…to have been given fuck all by her husband.

She was going to buy it herself but her partner said he was going to buy it.

No I meant what’s so special about this one …does it have a small human actually applying the products on OP … befuddled

Fuckall you say … I bet that husband does loads for her … and she is choosing to major on this minor … but

@DeltaC

its a nice calendar that looks nice and contains products that the OP likes. Hardly rocket science…🙄

I bet there are loads of alternatives … she is just being petty

@DeltaC

what makes you think he does loads for her if he can’t even be bothered to click a few buttons on his phone to order a calander that he had said he would buy her?? Sounds lazy and complacent to me…

Make that two!

Are you this dismissive towards your wife?

I agree with @NessShanessthis thread is batshit mental, and most posters seem incapable of reading! 🙄

How many times have you seen something online and clicked and it’s gone … let me tell you where I am coming from … my wife doesn’t like pasta but she will have spaghetti and nothing else … apparently this is something stemming from one of her pregnancies…I worked 52 miles away from home … one day she was really unwell … normally she did the school run stuff and cooked tea because of my long commute … on this day I phoned her from work and said I will knock of earlish , please relax I will come and prepare tea etc. we agreed easiest thing was spaghetti but there was none in the house so I would pick up on my way home … in my haste I picked up linguine instead of spaghetti and only realised when I got home , apologised, but it was too late to go to shops again. She was really angry at me … and I’m like surely you would have to have such a negative view of me to have thought I did this deliberately when I know how you hate any other pasta … ungrateful

20 pages of debate when the simple answer is if you don’t like what he’s done and you think it’s unacceptable, end the relationship. Stop talking about it on here, and do both of you a favour and end it. You clearly both have different values and priorities.

No I get her what she wants but if I make a genuine as she does from time to time I expect a level of grace … just like I give her … this is a trivial matter … what will she do if he forgets to pick up the kids at nursery or school… now that’s big

Oui

Sabotage! Thats a bit harsh, if I was about to buy something and my oh offered to buy it for me, I would say well get onto the web site now its......and get him to do it there and then. It's start of October, im sure when you said they sell out fast he probably thought he had more time. How long after him offering and him trying to buy?