Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

[Gillinggold]

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy.

He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that.

Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended.

He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

It WAS for her though. She was literally buying it. He stopped her from, said he would and then failed to.

If I’ve got a warm bed, a full belly, and a kettle that works, I’m sorted.

The rest? Window dressing.

Getting in a flap over buying stuff is peak daftness.

Check yourself. Life’s not a shopping spree , it’s a brew, a laugh, and a bit of grace.

SimpleLiving #GratitudeNotGrabbing #CupOfPerspective #SoulOverStuff

Surely the whole point is not that he didn’t get it quickly enough but that having not got it he told the OP she should be grateful. When all he’d done was cause her to miss out on the thing she wanted to get herself. Rather than apologising or offering to sort out an alternative, which probably would not have caused her to start a thread. That’s what’s galling.

#nohashtagsonMNplease #thisisn’tInstagram

And I can guarantee right now mistakes and accidents will definitely occur, sometimes by yourself, sometimes by your partner. Don't worry about stuff that doesn't matter - life will throw enough stuff at you that does matter.

@Bongani

lots of people aim for higher than a warm bed and a full belly…they are the basics

What are you talking about, it's October. He went to buy it and was gone more than two months before Christmas. I know you are disappointed but it's a material thing that doesn't matter. Give the guy a break.

Oh, thanks for the heads up.

I've completely naïve and have lived a completely sheltered life, nothing bad has EVER happened. 🙄

generally, when my partner makes a mistake or has an accident, he’ll apologise. Not tell me to be grateful for it.

Having a “ beauty calendar “ in no way impacts what you look like. Beauty comes from within, and if you’re so superficial to think that a calendar, or the lack of one ( I pity your poor husband) will determine your beauty, I suggest that you are poorly informed. Everyone has beauty. The trick is to find it from within. Cosmetics don’t help here; but I suppose I am talking to a wall

Sorry, I didn't realise that. Thank you for pointing it out😊

Really...1st world problem !

@MyOpenJadeGoose

Yes it will. It’s important to take care of your skin. Beauty comes from within yeah, but a good retinol/serum/moisturiser routine can work wonders in making you look and feel so much better! You should try it! 😀

WTF is happening with this thread with the #LiveLaughLove find your inner beauty comments.
People are allowed to want some nice, non-essential things to make their life more fun or pleasant.

What an enlightening post! Thank you @Spiderx

great idea

its probably out of stock because of scalpers

so best thing to do is solve the issue by giving scalpers more money

without more details i cant say because the way im seeing this is would you have been so hard on yourself if you had of gotten there and it was sold out?

did the husband delay unnecisarilly?
was it even his fault?

it sounds like there was every chance had you of gotten it yourself you could have been too late as well

I look wonderful at 61. No beauty calendar can help with the passage of time. Get a grip on reality and what is really important in life. Prioritise inner beauty or you are ffff

They were going to buy a gift - events conspired so they unfortunately were unable to. I'm sure they felt bad. Trying to put them down and have a go at them is what then leads to the "should feel grateful" response.
It's exactly what happens if one approaches a relationship as me vs them. Either you are partners or you aren't. It's a waste of energy to fight the one person in the world who has your back (on things more important than calendars).

Seeing as she was browsing at the time and about to buy I’d imagine that they were in stock at the time so no, it wouldn’t have been out of stock.

@MyOpenJadeGoose

you can do. Embrace your inner beauty AND take care of yourself with nice beauty products that you enjoy using. It doesn’t have to be one or the other! Are you always such a black and white thinker?

I love beauty advents because they’re fun and have nice smelly things in them. I don’t think they’re essential to my self esteem or my appearance. I rarely wear make up and don’t care if I have wrinkles. Am I allowed to have one or do I need to buy a hind leg of a bengal cat instead?

How do you know he has her back?

events didn’t conspire - he didn’t order it quick enough.
simple as that.
I actually have the calendar OP wants. I told my partner in August that it would be on sale soon. Didn’t mention it again. Thursday he received a package and handed it to me. It was the calendar. He’s been checking to see when it went on sale.
as much as I cannot stand the saying, it’s a case of ‘if they wanted to, they would’

the real sticking point for me though it’s the demand to be grateful. I can’t believe there are so many posters making excuses for him to be honest.

I’d be annoyed too. Unfortunately I’ve learned from previous situations and would’ve bought it myself as wouldn’t have trusted someone else to be as organised. Next year you know what you gotta do! Hope you find another calendar you like.

No that’s putting words into my fingers … if I have made a genuine mistake, a bit of perspective is useful. If my wife prepares a bad meal , I plough through it like I am eating food from a Michelin Star chef. It’s more important not to hurt her feelings than complain about trivialities … this is not as if he missed a mortgage payment or he forgot to collect her job interview clothes for an interview tomorrow…

Serums are not going to help you in the long run dear! But maybe a better outlook on life and a better relationship with your husband will?

Applying some abstraction to this situation so can be applied to all similar scenarios.
Partner A: I'd like A
Partner B: I love you so I'd like to help you get A
Partner A: Make sure you do X
Partner B: Sorry I tried to do A but didn't manage to do X

This is a prime opportunity for Partner A to say "I told you so" and try to claim the high ground, helping change the relationship dynamic in their favour so they can gain power over Partner B. Partner B may not respond well to this approach. Both will probably end up feeling upset.

Instead, it is also an opportunity for Partner A to say "I understand, I'd love to do X with you, perhaps we can do that instead?" Partner B knows they had let them down and is eager to jump on an opportunity to make it up to them. Both Partner A and Partner B feel happier and enjoy the subsequent days.

Choose whichever approach you like - but if you are choosing the first one - in my horribly judgemental opinion you approach relationships in a manner that lacks awareness.