Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

[Gillinggold]

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy.

He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that.

Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended.

He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

TBH my DH is not great at buying gifts for me so I tend to buy things when I see them and give them to him to wrap up. He is more than happy to give me the money for anything I buy so we are both happy and it saves me having to pretend to like things he may have got which I wouldn’t like.

I think it depends on how long it took for him to go get it. If he left it for weeks and weeks after your conversation, and then casually went out to get it and it was gone, Id be cross too. But you speak about having a crappy week, so if all this happened within the space of a few days, then I think youre being a bit unreasonable.

Exactly and it clearly was all within a few days.

Do you think maybe you buy each other expensive stuff to compensate for something lacking in your relationship?

We buy expensive stuff because we have a lot of money.
OP also didn't say she expected DH to take out a second mortgage to buy her treat, so I am guessing they can probably afford it.

There has been a link posted, and lots of us have told her to check in store - my local one still has stock.

I guess it must seem that way to other people. I did say that I'm aware that I'm a bit different from most.

I don't like receiving gifts. I find it quite stressful if I don't know what to expect. I think it's the surprise element that I don't like.

If I knew in advance what it was, and it was something I definitely knew I wanted and would use, it would be OK I think. But if I'm given something I don't want, don't like and will never use I don't know what to do with it, it just adds to the clutter in my home.

I always emphasise to the rest of the family that I don't want to be given presents. Most of the time they comply. DH is the same as me. We never buy each other gifts.

I'm happy to buy gifts for other people, providing they give me some guidance as to what they would like.

DH does stuff like this, pisses about and delays until it's too late. Fucks me right off.
YANBU.

Blimey, we all have shit weeks. Yes you definitely are being unreasonable. It’s a calendar, not life or death.🙄 He’s not your servant.

@Buzyizzy217

he offered. She didn’t instruct him to buy it for her. Can’t you read?

This thread is absolutely insane. She was going to buy it herself and then he told her not to. At no point did she treat him like a servant.

Some commenters seem to be (willfully?) ignoring that, while it's totally reasonable to be a bit sad upon realising you're not going to get something you wanted and had planned to get, OP would have probably shrugged that off and moved on by now. She's doesn't think the world is coming to an end because she didn't get a calendar. It'd be all good IF her DH hadn't taken offense to her being a bit upset in the moment and started telling her she should be "grateful" to him. Grateful for what exactly? He hasn't done anything to be grateful for! If he'd simply said "honey I'm sorry, I didn't realise when you said "it sold out by end of September last year" that it would go so quickly again and I missed it. Next time I'll just let you buy it and get you something else" then OP wouldn't still be peeved about it. It's his insistence that she should be grateful for him basically telling her not to buy something, thinking about buying it, and then ultimately not doing it that she's still narked about. He could've bought it immediately upon being sent the link but he chose not to, and now he's annoyed that she's "ungrateful" when there's nothing to be grateful about.

Each to their own of course, but I also don't totally understand some of the "YABU for being an adult who gets presents" comments. Do you really not buy any Xmas/birthday presents for your partners, sibling, parents? You've never gone into a shop and thought "oh DP/friend would love that, I'll pick it up and give it to them as a surprise"? Or would that count under things they can't get for themselves because they aren't in the shop?

Except OP told him “… it sells out quick so to be aware of that”!

I wouldn’t be giving my husband a break, particularly if I said was going to buy it myself.

How are you being ungrateful?? He hasn't done anything to make you grateful or otherwise!

@Gillinggold they have it on sale on ebay

What a wanker. No offence but he stopped you buying it, then didn't give enough of a shit to actually listen to your advice about it selling out.

It's very high handed.

I mean I can't motivate myself to give a toss about these calendars, but it was important to you. Your money, your choice.

I'm not surprised you're annoyed. As for "ungrateful", wtf. Very belittling behaviour.

It’s totally a man thing. Anything organised by a man is last minute and made up as they go along; everything organised by a woman is planned meticulously months in advance. He basically couldn’t comprehend a Christmas present would be sold out in September, thought he had loads of time and got caught out.

I mean if you really wanted it, you should have just got it yourself.

It’s totally a man thing. Anything organised by a man is last minute and made up as they go along; everything organised by a woman is planned meticulously months in advance.

Dear. God.

@GiveDogBone

why do you have so much internalised misogyny?

Not even sure if it's misogyny or misandry, to think that all men are basically bumbling idiots who don't understand time and deadlines..

Really good point...what exactly should you be grateful for?!?

Sounds like the type that thinks just the thought of him offering or intending to do so should make the receiver grateful.

As pp said. Tell him to get one off ebay and pay the mark up price. So annoying the 'be grateful for something that didn't happen' bolleaux. It is entirely his fault you are now without the item you wanted.

Why oh why did they take away the laughing emoticons??????

😂😂😂😂

And not everyone like cats either @Allthatshines1992

i hate them. Would much rather have a beauty calander any day. And pyjamas are boring.

Who wants to get an Advent Calendar on Christmas Day!?