Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

[Gillinggold]

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy.

He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that.

Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended.

He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

That is the Op. and she doesn’t give a shit that you think she cannot spend a penny of her hard earned money on herself 😀 she deserves to treat herself.

Yes, that is not unreasonable

What's a beauty calendar??

No it's not. Gillinggold is the OP. The NessShaness poster asked me some questions and I answered them honestly.

@Allthatshines1992

ok. Glad you can concede it a mother can treat herself as well as her kids. I mean that poster didn’t ask to be born any more than her kids, did she?

You asked a question but I'm not sure you wish to engage in more dialogue (there is a lot which could be said on this topic but don't want to derail the thread). You are correct that no-one asked to be born. But if someone voluntarily creates and births a new human being the new human being has to come first at all times. The lives of their parents are not as valuable (imo). The parents are no longer the main characters in their story and become redundant human beings whose purpose is to elevate the next generation they have created.

@Allthatshines1992

wow, no wonder so many women are choosing to be childfree when attitudes like yours exist! Who wants to redundant in their own life and exist to facilitate solely to facilitate others??
in real life of course most women manage to balance being a good parent with also looking after themselves and treating themselves too from time to time, not just the kids. Otherwise there lives would be pretty servile and miserable, don’t you think?

Unless they live vicariously through their children

@Allthatshines1992

who wants to do that? That’s not healthy for the parent or the child. It’s totally healthy and normal and beneficial for a person to maintain their own lives - their own friends, hobbies, interests once they become a parent.

Oh yes own friends, hobbies and interests go on in the background but never to the detriment of the child. Oftentimes the hobbies and activities subtly benefit the child (if hobbies are craft related or cooking related the child joins in and enjoys them too, if a friend lives on a farm and you go to see them the child gets to visit a farm). If the hobbies are not child related they occur while the child is asleep or are dropped altogether once the child is born.

@Allthatshines1992

nope. Not everything has to benefit the child. If a woman’s hobby is say salsa dancing no way should she give that up just because she’s become a mother. She can do it when the child is with their other parent or with a babysitter. It does kids good to know that their parents are human beings with their own interests.

@Allthatshines1992

also some of the time a parent will meet up with friends without their children in tow. Cos they wanna have adult talk and drink wine , that kind of thing. So of no benefit to the child.

Oh gosh what a depressing way to look at life. Redundant human beings. No wonder you don't think mum's deserve anything for themselves if that's how unimportant their lives are to you.

advent calendar but with beauty products, not chocolate
usually a good deal if you use the majority of the stuff in as it’s cheaper to buy the calendar than the products separately

How?
The OP is asking for opinions! There are bigger things in life to fall out over as the OP obviously knows from her other posts. I would think there must be another beauty calendar that would give the OP the sense of indulgence she wants!

This IS his fault. And now he's trying to divert from this. Badly. Only someone stupid and naieve doesn't grasp the concept that certain things sell out. Many things don't. Certain things sold at certain times of the year, eg Easter eggs, Christmas bits, do. Concert tickets are a scramble! My favourite alcohol advent calendar in only is certain shops, for a limited time, then poof gone. He's a twat. Worse still to almost gaslight you... you are probably just angry that you didn't buy it yourself. It's very painful when you realise you can't rely on someone. Made even worse when they don't take responsibility, aren't really sorry. Then you finally realise that they don't value you as highly as they should. That cuts deep. Next time your'll dk it yourself. Which is also kinda sad in a way.

I voted YABU for caring so much about a beauty calander. Who invented this concept, some of them are so expensive!

Maybe he's bought it and will surprise you with it on Christmas Day?

i can't believe how unkind people are being to op. Just because it's a beauty calendar. Does it matter what it is, or how much it costs?

I'm very low maintenance. But if my whole family knows how much I like something, how much something matters to me, then that makes it important. As a respect thing.

I can't think of an appropriate example. But if I always buy a £2.50 sweet that sells out quickly, and if I make a point to always get it, then someone insists on doing it, but then doesn't. Yes. That would majorly piss me off. Because I'd think, I don't ask for much. But you couldn't even be bothered to make sure, this one small thing, for me.

How is that NOT hurtful?

Ha! If it had been for something he wanted, I’m sure acting “quickly” would have been more immediate. Say tickets to a match. He’d have understood what “selling out quickly” means. And what about the absolute cheek of expecting her to still be grateful??? Go on defending him if you enjoy applauding incompetence and man baby behaviour.

Anyone searched ti help op find one?

I'd love one of those calendars
But I'm vegan ,so would need it vegan and cruelty free .
Plusi expect I wouldn't know what to do with most of the stuff in it

@LunaShadow

because she’s not stupid- she knows all too well that there are worse things in life. The bottom line is- she wanted to treat herself, husband said no he would buy it, but he couldn’t be bothered to sort it out in a timely way in spite of op clearly expressing to him that if he didn’t get it straightaway it would be sold out. So he let her down.

I’m not defending him outright - if she’d said “make sure you do it today” then I wouldn’t be defending him, but “quickly” was too vague, especially in the context of an advent calendar in September. So I’m not applauding incompetence because he wasn’t incompetent under the circumstances- he did actually get on and try to order “quickly”.

In your example, I would also defend her if he’d said tickets for a match sell out quickly and she hadn’t bought them immediately but left it a day or two (the match being over two months away, like the need for an advent calendar). Just like he had no idea that the need to buy an advent calendar was immediate rather than just “do it quickly”, she might have no idea that match tickets have to be bought immediately- I wouldn’t.

@Sheldonsheher

your opinion on beauty calanders is irrelevant to this thread. No one is offering to buy you one.