Page 12 | Am I ungrateful because DP didn’t buy the calendar I wanted before it sold out?

Gillinggold · 2025-10-01T16:28:22+00:00

I had a shit week last week and DP knew I was browsing beauty calendar’s. He asked which one I liked and I told him the name of the one I was going to buy. He told me not to buy it and that he’d treat me to it as one of his Christmas presents to me. I was really grateful and said it sells out quick so to be aware of that. Lo and behold, he’s gone to buy it and it’s sold out and not coming back in stock. I was annoyed, said I really had my eye on it and would have happily brought it myself as originally intended. He says I’m being ungrateful and that it’s not his fault. Well, I told him he’d need to get a move on at the time and feel really annoyed now….

bakewelltarty · 02/10/2025 20:25

But you only had the conversation last week. He’s hardly waited weeks.

70sMuuMuu · 02/10/2025 20:27

Lovelythree · 02/10/2025 20:08

This is extremely petty and you sound hard work, OP. If you need something that badly, get it yourself. Your partner wasn’t to know it would sell out on October 1st - I haven’t even thought about Christmas yet! Definitely not something to get worked up over.

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Ding Ding Ding!

We have a ‘you sound hard work, OP!’

Peak Mumsnet goading cliche target reached for today!

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 02/10/2025 20:27

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/10/2025 17:31

You’re not being ungrateful and it is his fault. It’s incompetence or sabotage. You literally said you’d get it and he told you not to! What could you possibly have to be grateful for? Have you asked him that? An empty gesture and no calendar?

Fucking right.

G5000 · 02/10/2025 20:28

I have sent plenty of Bengals and I think it's a total madness to spend hundreds on a cat. Doesn't do anything that a random moggy can't do. Olaplex or K18 from that calendar on my hair though, now that's a work of art. So maybe people have different wishes and preferences?

70sMuuMuu · 02/10/2025 20:29

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 19:42

Suggesting alternatives she may not have thought of because she's being scammed if she buys that. She'll still look the same.

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Did you know they have a list of what’s included and multiple pictures and descriptions? OP would get exactly what she’d purchased, I’m not sure why that’s a scam? We all assign different values to consumer products.

70sMuuMuu · 02/10/2025 20:30

G5000 · 02/10/2025 20:28

I have sent plenty of Bengals and I think it's a total madness to spend hundreds on a cat. Doesn't do anything that a random moggy can't do. Olaplex or K18 from that calendar on my hair though, now that's a work of art. So maybe people have different wishes and preferences?

Last time I tried to send a cat advent calendar it took me ages to find 25 boxes of the right size and then they all wanted to get into the box the boxes came in. It was a disaster.

JPMJuliz · 02/10/2025 20:34

Gillinggold · 01/10/2025 18:44

I don’t like that one as much as SpaceNK, but I’ll find another one I’m sure x

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@Gillinggold
Just seen Space NK are releasing a Fragrance Advent Calendar, maybe you’d like that one instead OP?

PinkArt · 02/10/2025 20:35

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 20:22

That's not what I said though is it? I didn't say "cats exist" because well, duh of course they do. I said she could've put it towards a Bengal Cat. If you see one in person one day you'll know what I mean, they're outstanding gorgeous, like a living work of art.

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If you were planning on buying a Bengal cat and someone suggested that was a waste of your own money and that you could put that money towards a SpaceNK advent calendar instead, wouldn't you think that was a slightly unhinged suggestion? What with cats and advent calendars being very different. And the OP making no reference to wanting a cat.

Delphiniumandlupins · 02/10/2025 20:37

When you said "They sell out quickly" did you explain that meant by the end of September? Honestly, I still wouldn't expect them to be sold out so quickly. It would be good if he was apologetic though.

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 20:40

PinkArt · 02/10/2025 20:35

If you were planning on buying a Bengal cat and someone suggested that was a waste of your own money and that you could put that money towards a SpaceNK advent calendar instead, wouldn't you think that was a slightly unhinged suggestion? What with cats and advent calendars being very different. And the OP making no reference to wanting a cat.

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I'd probably laugh

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 02/10/2025 20:40

On one level I understand why you're hacked off - because you know he's just thinking, great, one thing ticked off the Xmas present list! And because of that, you don't have the treat you'd been looking forward to.

That said - blimey, £260 on just one pressie 'to be given early'! Do you think maybe you buy each other expensive stuff to compensate for something lacking in your relationship?

Sorry to be so blunt, but you sound really angry, like there's more to it than you not getting your beauty calendar. Presents really are just meant to be tokens of affection, to show that you care about someone. If it becomes about extravagant expenditure, or guessing exactly what someone wants... the whole thing gets tricky and weaponised.

Both of you could try toning it down, and getting more excited about what might seem like small things.

cordeliabuffy · 02/10/2025 20:42

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 19:42

Suggesting alternatives she may not have thought of because she's being scammed if she buys that. She'll still look the same.

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We know we will still look the same! I still like to use nice products and it’s basically my skincare for the year. It was £260 not £350 so £5 a week for lovely products to use all year
some people mediate or do yoga, I put music on and do skincare and makeup

FourIsNewSix · 02/10/2025 20:43

travelallthetime · 02/10/2025 20:10

This! It wouldn’t occur to me to buy an advent calendar in OCTOBER

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You know that your DP wants a specific thing and have selected it in September and the thing is already available for purchase, you've volunteered to get it for them and they specifically told you it tends to sold out early.
What date would you wait for to buy it?

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 20:45

cordeliabuffy · 02/10/2025 20:42

We know we will still look the same! I still like to use nice products and it’s basically my skincare for the year. It was £260 not £350 so £5 a week for lovely products to use all year
some people mediate or do yoga, I put music on and do skincare and makeup

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Well £5 a week for a year does sound more reasonable to be fair

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 20:46

MixedFeelingsNoFeelings · 02/10/2025 20:40

On one level I understand why you're hacked off - because you know he's just thinking, great, one thing ticked off the Xmas present list! And because of that, you don't have the treat you'd been looking forward to.

That said - blimey, £260 on just one pressie 'to be given early'! Do you think maybe you buy each other expensive stuff to compensate for something lacking in your relationship?

Sorry to be so blunt, but you sound really angry, like there's more to it than you not getting your beauty calendar. Presents really are just meant to be tokens of affection, to show that you care about someone. If it becomes about extravagant expenditure, or guessing exactly what someone wants... the whole thing gets tricky and weaponised.

Both of you could try toning it down, and getting more excited about what might seem like small things.

If he spends over £200 on an advent calendar for her how much does he spend on the actual main presents? Probably loads!

AnonSugar · 02/10/2025 21:01

It’s a little silly as a grown adult to be annoyed you didn’t get the advent calendar you wanted.

Cherrytree86 · 02/10/2025 21:04

Seems like there’s some people on here who maybe cannot afford a beauty calendar and are feeling quite bitter and jealous people about it

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 21:19

NessShaness · 02/10/2025 19:57

Oh god how stupid of me! What do you recommend to cure autism and anxiety?

I mean I pay for equine therapy, private therapy, occupational therapy, sensory aids, private tutors. What else should I buy to “fix” them?

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Start squirreling money away into a Junior ISA so you can get DC on the property ladder in case they're unable to work due to their issues.

FourIsNewSix · 02/10/2025 21:20

AnonSugar · 02/10/2025 21:01

It’s a little silly as a grown adult to be annoyed you didn’t get the advent calendar you wanted.

Why?
A grown adult decided to treat themselves to something they would enjoy for months and can afford.

Another grown adult offered to get it for them as a present.

The second grown adult blundered and let it sold out.

What's silly about feeling annoyed that she was able to get her treat and his intervention made her miss out.

The fact the treat it is called "advent calendar" is irrelevant.

Freelotowbehejswv · 02/10/2025 21:21

Are you sure your husband hasn’t bought it and hidden it for dec 1st

itsallbullshit · 02/10/2025 21:30

Gillinggold · 01/10/2025 17:46

SpaceNK

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Can you go to your local SpaceNK and ask if they have any? I wasn’t sure when they came out and popped into the closest store to me when I was in town the other day to ask if they’d get any in store, and they had one that was a cancelled order so I was able to grab that! Worth a shot?

Cherrytree86 · 02/10/2025 21:38

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 21:19

Start squirreling money away into a Junior ISA so you can get DC on the property ladder in case they're unable to work due to their issues.

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@Allthatshines1992

are you seriously saying that this woman shouldn’t be spending any of the money she herself has earned on herself, on nice things that make her feel good and that she enjoys? You think she has to “squirrel away” every single penny for her child? Really??

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 02/10/2025 21:40

Umbrellasinthesunshine · 02/10/2025 20:21

Of course YANBU! You didn’t ask him for this, he offered it and then you ended up without. Some pps are muddying the water with whatever their issues are concerning your preferences. Not the issue! The issue is - he offered, you accepted with advice to him regarding urgency, he ignored it, and then played the victim when it went tits up. You have nothing to be grateful for - nobody is grateful for incompetence!!!

“he ignored it” - no he didn’t! If she had specifically said “you need to order within the next hour or so” then that would have been him ignoring it.

She said they sell out quickly - quickly is a vague word that means different things to different people in different contexts.

He tried to order an advent calendar on 1st October- that’s not unreasonable when he’s been told they sell out quickly. He ordered it within a day (or a few days- unclear from the wording) of op telling him to be quick. By many people’s standards that is acting quickly. He didn’t sit on the idea for weeks, he got on with trying to order - that’s not ignoring her warning.

NessShaness · 02/10/2025 21:40

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 21:19

Start squirreling money away into a Junior ISA so you can get DC on the property ladder in case they're unable to work due to their issues.

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They both have ISA’s (only one child is ND). I understand what you are trying to say, but my whole point is that after my children are taken care of, am I not entitled to treat myself to something that, as another poster stated, works out at around £5 a week?

LBFseBrom · 02/10/2025 21:40

He may be able to pick one up on ebay or Amazon immediately after Christmas (maybe even before). Suggest that to him.