DH leaving us for one day on hol AIBU

[Clareat2021]

Me, my DH and my 4yo DD are due to fly to a European coastal resort this weekend for a week. This is a much needed holiday, I'm knackered from a long stint at work with little break. We've paid a bit more than usual as well. Not sure if that's even relevant but adds to my feelings of this is a special holiday.

Anyway, an American guy 'L' we met travelling a few years back, my husband stayed in touch with him and they've met up in the UK twice since then in the last couple of years. L, randomly is travelling around the same area whilst we are there. Today, my husband has said he wants to leave me and our DD for a whole day of the holiday to meet with his friend (+ partner who he is travelling with) this would involve a lot of travel time. He wants to do it as he may not see him again for who knows how long.

I've said no, we only have one week, if he goes off for a whole day, that leaves me solo parenting and cuts into any potential sight seeing plans we may have otherwise done.

I think my DH is being unreasonable and selfish, he thinks I am. I now feel like even if I insist no, he'd obviously rather be elsewhere and time spent with me and DD is enforced and therefore no fun for anyone anyway. I am really cross.

OP implied that, not me

Oooh, I think they sound like cowboys. "fans herself" I find it a very warm, rich accent. The accent equivalent of polished mahogany. Not all thin and clipped and reedy like ours.

"Why should I have to?" Jesus Christ. I enjoy spending time with my child. Especially on holiday.

No, it was you. Its all there in your own words. The implication is clear.

Hahaha brokeback was immediately what came into my mind too. I obviously didn’t dare write it down because it felt inappropriate 🤣🫣🙈

Has your DH thought it through? This is the sort of thing I would think if a fun, exciting idea not really taking into full consideration how far I need to travel!

Those were OP's words, hence the quotation marks. Anyway, agree to disagree.

It's not about him not wanting to spend the time with his wife & child - it's about wanting to see a friend he doesn't get the opportunity to see usually.

looking after your OWN child for one day shouldn't cause this much drama.🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

😄 I like a nice Irish accent myself!

Ignoring everything else, when you have just one week on an expensive holiday, taking off for the day alone is just rude. You're supposed to be on holiday together, and they are rare, precious days, meant to be spent as a family.

There are similarities between the two!

What is the word?

As you are well aware, I was quoting your reaction to the OP's words.

You are trying to avoid the fact that you are being misogynistic.

Personally I understand why you're annoyed OP. You've made plans, you've been looking forward to it, you've each had an expectation of the holiday set and you've invested family money into it.

I think it's fair enough that he wants to see his friend absolutely but in this scenario I'd have expected him to also factor you and dd into the equation and to say to his friend it would be great to meet but could you come to us or meet near us as I'll have op and dd together. Especially given Ls parter will be there so it's not a lads catch up with just the two of them.

I think he's seen it as an opportunity to essentially skive off the grunt work for the day (which leaves it on your plate) and he can go and have a blast with his mate. The telling bit about it is that he's essentially telling you this is what he's doing rather than having a chat to sound it out with you first and ask how you'd feel about holding Fort for a day. The way he's gone about that are shitty as opposed to the actual ask itself because its fair enough to want to meet up with someone who you won't see otherwise.

I think now your options really are:

-Rent something close to L for one of the nights and count it as one of your day trips.

• hold Fort at the hotel with dd and book yourself in for a spa day and a lie in the following day while he holds Fort
• you both travel together and back for the day with dd
• he reaches out to L and suggests they come to you or halfway.

If you've been under a lot of stress and stress exhausted you're probably operating from a place of being burnt out and the idea of a day's solo parenting in a different country with a small child is taking from an empty tank. But if you flip that, could you benefit from having the time to yourself the next day to recharge and properly rest? I never really WANT to be away from ds but then when I get that time I feel better in myself for it.

Misogynistic.

Being comfortable with a partner doing their own thing for a day on holiday isn't misogyny 🤣

I haven't met that many Americans so maybe I haven't give the accent a fair chance! I suppose it varies a lot by region anyway.

I am not engaging with your ridiculousness anymore.

I know what you are, and now so does everyone else.

You are nuts.

Thank you, it’s late, I didn’t understand what you meant. I do now. If this does go off I hope that op gets a day to do something lovely for herself too.
a week holiday isn’t really very long in the scheme of things, I think he’s mad to travel all that way without involving his family and a half way meet-up

Surely his friend must be more than just an acquaintance if he's willing to travel for 10 hours to see him?

Personally don't see it as that big a deal, surely there are kids clubs etc. if you need a break and you could make him look after DD the following day so you can relax.

It's not perfect, but sure there is some compromise otherwise it sounds like everyone is going to be unhappy and potentially spoil the whole holiday.

The OP has already said she didn't particularly want to have a day to herself, she wanted to spend time with both her DH & her DD on the expensive family holiday that she's been looking forward to. Why does her DH's last minute plan get to trump what they had already agreed as a couple to do?

You sound like me when I’m in a hormonal rage 😂

It’s one day; stop catastrophising. I don’t understand why you can’t go sightseeing without your DH? Spending a day alone with your child shouldn’t be such an awful thing. Does he normally let you tell him what he can and can’t do?

My advice would be to park the conversation for a few days. It sounds like you’re too emotionally invested in it at the moment and are too focused on “winning” this when you can’t win either way. Either he goes and you’re mad, or he stays and you’re anxious.

This is genuinely insane OP. Cant you cope with your 4yr old for one day? It is selfish of you. When he’s back your husband can have your child for the day and you do something you want to do. It sounds suffocating that you always want to be with him 24/7 and are being so controlling about this.

This feels far more likely than him planning to slip off for a cowboy themed threesome.

You cannot be serious?!

She will get exactly what she wants 6 days out of 7. Perhaps her DH can have a day to do something he might like to do?