DH leaving us for one day on hol AIBU

[Clareat2021]

Me, my DH and my 4yo DD are due to fly to a European coastal resort this weekend for a week. This is a much needed holiday, I'm knackered from a long stint at work with little break. We've paid a bit more than usual as well. Not sure if that's even relevant but adds to my feelings of this is a special holiday.

Anyway, an American guy 'L' we met travelling a few years back, my husband stayed in touch with him and they've met up in the UK twice since then in the last couple of years. L, randomly is travelling around the same area whilst we are there. Today, my husband has said he wants to leave me and our DD for a whole day of the holiday to meet with his friend (+ partner who he is travelling with) this would involve a lot of travel time. He wants to do it as he may not see him again for who knows how long.

I've said no, we only have one week, if he goes off for a whole day, that leaves me solo parenting and cuts into any potential sight seeing plans we may have otherwise done.

I think my DH is being unreasonable and selfish, he thinks I am. I now feel like even if I insist no, he'd obviously rather be elsewhere and time spent with me and DD is enforced and therefore no fun for anyone anyway. I am really cross.

"Why should I have to?" Jesus Christ. I enjoy spending time with my child. Especially on holiday.

She probably doesn't get many breaks. It can be intense just one-on-one all the time. We don't know her situation.

I think she's being melodramatic. I've been going on holiday alone with DS for years. It's awesome.

And your thoughts on the husband bogging off and abdicating all his parenting responsibilities? Would you say the same to him? Or is it ok for him to do it as he is a man?

This is just rubbing it in. Not all children are the same, not everyone has your support network and not everyone's child is like yours. We don't know her or her situation.

If he's really intent on driving 5 hrs each way he's going to be pretty knackered after the first leg, never mind the return journey.

Does the friend even want a visitor while he's on holiday with his partner?

I don't know what the answer is. But your guy isn't really thinking straight.

Don’t be a pick me. It isn’t the time and place. OP’s situation is bizarre. No loving dad/husband leaves you for a 10 hour journey whilst in a family holiday to meet up with a guy he barely knows. The other comments are on the ball about him perhaps having a relationship of some sort with the man.

For 1 day? Hardly crime of the century.

But by the same reasoning why would he drive 10 hours just to shag some bloke? If he wanted to do that he could just join grindr or whatever back home and save all the travelling?

you can take it how you like 💁🏻‍♀️

but I would look forward to a day with just my 4 yo if I'd not seen much of her.and even if U had! A day, in holiday, just the two uf us. Perfect.

Your marriage won't last if you can't happily accommodate things like this once in a blue moon.

Good for you. But you are comparing apples and oranges.

I go away with DD and I enjoy it. But the point is that I sign up knowing that it is just me and her, as do you it sounds like.

The OP signed up to a family holiday, with the care of their DD to be shared between them and that is not what she will be getting if this trip goes ahead.

I’m with you, week holiday is family time. I would rather be with my family, there’s no one in the world I’d rather spend time with and no one who I’d bother travelling 10 hours to see. Everyone’s different but to me I’d be upset if my wife decided to leave me for a whole day while on a weeks holiday. Also I wouldn’t then want to take a day for myself in a tit for tat like others suggest as that’s such a large portion of the holiday spent away from one another

Oh so its ok for him to not want to spend time with either his wife or child at all for one day, but not the OP to simply want the other parent sharing the load for one day? Interesting.

Nope I wouldn't be annoyed as I have also done similar with family members who I rarely see. I find it odd that your hubby can't pop off for a day and do something he enjoys aswell tbh

If it's true, it'll be because he likes THIS bloke. American accents are pretty sexy, aren't they? And maybe he's good in bed. Maybe they also have an emotional connection. And he has the exoticness of being a foreigner. Lots of reasons.

Totally agree.

The terrible back breaking load of a pool day? Sounds horrific.

Seems like a plan, OP. Otherwise, a 10-hour trip for your DH to spend a couple of hours with a mate strikes me as madness. The journey would be not far off from driving from Malaga to Madrid and back in a day, which I think many people would regard as an extremely taxing day trip!

Best of luck in finding a compromise along the lines you mention.

Eh? Who would the PP be doing a pick-me dance for? Being a pick-me is when you turn yourself inside out wanting some bloke to choose you.

Okay sorry my bad i mis read and thought he was going for one day out as well! Didn't appreciate the 10 hours!

Can't say American accents do much for me but each to their own!

Then I am sure the dh has offered to reciprocate when he had the discussion about his long distance trip and didn’t just present it as a done deal.

What they are doing is neither here nor there, and we all know that a pool day with a 4 year old is anything but relaxing.

You have said that in your opinion,him simply dropping everything is ok, but the OP being pissed off at being left to do it all alone is not, implying that she is a woman who doesnt enjoy time with her own child.

There is a word for that.

(Im not the poster you quoted.) But frankly it wouldn't bother me if he wanted to spend a day of the holiday with a friend, scuba diving, cycling, playing golf, twiddling his thumbs. She's got 1 4 yo daughter, not half a dozen kids, to look after.