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Original poster

Hen party - was this comment a bit shitty?

258 replies

Hulling91 · 30/09/2025 19:02

I’m in a WhatsApp group for my friends hen - I’m not organising it but I’m close friends with the girl who is.

She put a perfectly polite message in the chat on Saturday to ask for people’s instagram user names, as she’d tag any photos etc.

One of the attendees didn’t reply, so she chased her earlier. The reply back was ‘Sorry, but given I’m 33 with two kids and a full time job, I don’t use Instagram and prefer to update those close to me personally about things’.

Just feels a bit…awkward? She only knows the hen and not the rest of the group going.

OP posts:
PattySpringsteensHorse · 30/09/2025 19:06

I don’t think it was shitty tbh. I don’t use FB/Insta either, all she was doing was giving a reason for not using it, I wouldn’t want photos of me put on other peoples social media.

TurnTheGodforsakenVolumedown · 30/09/2025 19:08

Other girl shouldn't have made the dig but friend shouldn't have chased for a response. I have never heard of this being pre-arranged. Organised fun and gives the friend free reign to upload whatever photos she wants, which I'm sure will favour her in terms of angle/lighting while others look awful and understandably don't want to be tagged

ThejoyofNC · 30/09/2025 19:08

It was unnecessarily bitchy.

LimeBasilandManderin · 30/09/2025 19:08

She could’ve just said I don’t use Instagram and left it at that rather than being over dramatic

BlouseyBrowne · 30/09/2025 19:09

She could’ve just said ‘I’m not on Instagram’.

I’d guess she’s eye rolling from afar at potential OTT hen-do nonsense.

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 30/09/2025 19:09

Is it true, necessary, kind? No.
She could have just get her passive aggressive comments to herself and said ‘no I don’t use Instagram’.

stichguru · 30/09/2025 19:26

I think the response "given I'm 33 with two kids and a full time job" was rude and unnecessary. However expecting to use a certain platform is also rude. If you are organising a group event, you should find out how people wish to communicate.

ColinOfficeTrolley · 30/09/2025 19:29

Her answer was unnecessarily rude, but I would definitely not want people I don't know tagging me in SM pics that I'd not had a chance to veto!

Catpiece · 30/09/2025 19:30

PattySpringsteensHorse · 30/09/2025 19:06

I don’t think it was shitty tbh. I don’t use FB/Insta either, all she was doing was giving a reason for not using it, I wouldn’t want photos of me put on other peoples social media.

Absolutely this. Please don’t post photos of me anywhere. I’m a private person and have no FB or Instagram

Hallywally · 30/09/2025 19:32

Why did she need to chase people for their Instagram usernames? Fair enough to ask, but it isn’t something which needs chasing if people don’t reply.

TheDandyLion · 30/09/2025 19:33

The response was unnecessary but the chase up was also rude. If someone doesn't want to join in on socials it shouldn't be pushed when first ignore

Jackiebrambles · 30/09/2025 19:34

She ‘chased’ her for her instagram name? I’d have probably reacted the same way!

shhblackbag · 30/09/2025 19:34

PattySpringsteensHorse · 30/09/2025 19:06

I don’t think it was shitty tbh. I don’t use FB/Insta either, all she was doing was giving a reason for not using it, I wouldn’t want photos of me put on other peoples social media.

Agree. I think it's unreasonable to assume that everyone uses Instagram and would be OK with being tagged even if they do have an account. Your friend shouldn't have chased this.

arcticpandas · 30/09/2025 19:37

Haha, this is what I always tell people : I don't have social media and prefer to keep up with people that matter directly. Her mentioning her age and having kids probably meant she's finding the group immature.

Dweetfidilove · 30/09/2025 19:38

Unnecessarily rude.

The chasing was unnecessary too, but 'I don't use Instagram ' would've sufficed.

IsoIsobaby20 · 30/09/2025 19:38

Unnecessary. Sounds to me like making the point of - I don’t need validation from
insta I have real friends and a life 😂 What has having kids and a full time job got anything to do with any of it!

I reckon she’ll be hard work on the hen!

latetothefisting · 30/09/2025 19:40

Agree it was just unnecessary. 'I'm not on instagram' would have sufficed.

Not sure what being 33 has to do with anything either - surely that's peak instagram age, most people under that are all over tiktok/snapchat instead!
Assuming you're all a similar age, she's hardly going to be the only one with a full time job either!

And "prefer to update those close to me personally about things," is weirdly self-important - presumably the organiser only wanted to tag her in some pictures not give her a sneak peak of the autumn budget. I can't envision her nearest and dearest caring about being "updated" about Annie's Mai Tai or whatever.

Organising a hen is so stressful and thankless, without people being needlessly bitchy when asked a simple question.

Apart from anything else it's just stupid to piss someone off/out yourself as a potential knob when you don't know anyone else going. If I was the organiser I know who I'd be putting in the squeaky pull out bed

Yeppppp · 30/09/2025 19:42

Yes, it’s an arsey reply. She could’ve just said she wasn’t on Instagram. It didn’t need the sneery bit about being 33, etc. That said, I’m not sure why the other person would chase.

Delatron · 30/09/2025 19:43

Asking for instagram user names would have pissed me off too. I would hate to be tagged in anything.

Bit forceful but kind of fair enough. You don’t go around tagging people these days. Especially at something like a hen do. The organiser should not do this.

BitOutOfPractice · 30/09/2025 19:43

She could’ve just said “sorry I don’t use insta” so her reply does sound a bit snotty.

Maybe put it down to tone not being easy to read over text and move on?

thaisweetchill · 30/09/2025 19:43

Bit of a snarky response but your friend should have taken the hint when she didn’t reply the first time.

Marmalade71 · 30/09/2025 19:45

Yeah it was an arsey and tbh quite pompous response but chasing up was also a bit socially unaware - the organiser should have taken no response as a response - lots of people of all ages have very limited social media and certainly wouldn't want to be tagged

Cow00000 · 30/09/2025 19:45

Lol what a byotch. Nobody gives a f that you're 33 with 2 kids, I'm 34 and on Instagram, shoot me.

UnintentionalArcher · 30/09/2025 19:45

Hulling91 · 30/09/2025 19:02

I’m in a WhatsApp group for my friends hen - I’m not organising it but I’m close friends with the girl who is.

She put a perfectly polite message in the chat on Saturday to ask for people’s instagram user names, as she’d tag any photos etc.

One of the attendees didn’t reply, so she chased her earlier. The reply back was ‘Sorry, but given I’m 33 with two kids and a full time job, I don’t use Instagram and prefer to update those close to me personally about things’.

Just feels a bit…awkward? She only knows the hen and not the rest of the group going.

My first thought was whether she is older than the rest of the group and using age to differentiate by way of explanation - but I know people of that age group (and even my friends who are a few years older) do use Instagram.

My other thought is, if she was being a bit short, whether it’s because she’d been chased up. Fair enough the person organising asking once but perhaps being asked a second time made her feel that some sort of explanation was necessary, and that annoyed her. Even if she’s not older, if lots of the group don’t have children she may just feel she’s in a different life phase to others and have different priorities. Perhaps she was trying to deal with her children at the time, feeling quite stressed and in that moment just thought ‘for goodness sake, I’m being asked again about social media’.

I didn’t read it as rude - but having read others’ comments could see it could possibly be taken that way. I just took it very literally as an explanation that she’s not especially young, has young children, so chooses to share photos differently. But I don’t use social media so not in a group that I suppose could, at a push, be offended by this.

Delatron · 30/09/2025 19:45

Oh just seen that she just didn’t reply initially- that should have been enough for your friend to get the hint. I would have been just as forthright..good for her.