Hen party - was this comment a bit shitty?

[Hulling91]

I’m in a WhatsApp group for my friends hen - I’m not organising it but I’m close friends with the girl who is.

She put a perfectly polite message in the chat on Saturday to ask for people’s instagram user names, as she’d tag any photos etc.

One of the attendees didn’t reply, so she chased her earlier. The reply back was ‘Sorry, but given I’m 33 with two kids and a full time job, I don’t use Instagram and prefer to update those close to me personally about things’.

Just feels a bit…awkward? She only knows the hen and not the rest of the group going.

If people don't like hen parties they can just not go.

Surely the rest of the hen party including the bride would rather the person didn't go.

I guess it could sound a bit narky. Perhaps just sorry I'm not on instagram would have been a bit less full-on.

Definitely rude.

I’d have been annoyed about being asked for my SM handles - and even more so about being chased for them when I made my choice not to respond. So no, I don’t think she went overboard. She tried to be discreet about her feelings by not responding - but clapped back when pushed publicly for them. Good on her.

Yes completely concur with you
Most surely, there's ways of saying things - Being assertive without being rude 💚

“Clapped back” 😆😆 She’s hardly one of the Pankhurst sisters!

Sorry, I’m not sure I understand. I know the Pankhursts…alumni of my high school, weirdly, but what on earth have they to do with clapping back? That just means to make a sharp response to something!

Edited incorrect grammar in sentence

You make it sound like she achieved something when she was just being a bit of a cow.

Perfectly understandable each to their own - after all what happens on a hen doesn't always stay on a hen if there are too many photos floating about!

She is trying to come across a bit holier than thou and could have just said she didn’t use Instagram. But your friend also shouldn’t have chased for a response.

I hate people tagging me in stuff. Especially on nights out.

I have Instagram for my photos, not so people can upload shit photos (because most of the time they are). I untagged so many photos on Facebook over the years because they were shit and I don't want them on my profile, at one point I had work friends on my social media. It's also why I avoid photos now as I don't want them out there for the world and his wife to find.

If people don't understand that that's their problem. So I'm with this friend all the way.

I agree with her 🤣 but she could have just said I don't post on Instagram so leave me out of it

She’s said about being 33 with kids because organising to tag each other is something teenagers would do. And chasing someone up for their instagram link is a bit much.

It is possible to think something without saying it. A lot of adults, 33 or otherwise, would do well to remember that.

If she just said, 'I don't use Instagram' people would have understood.
Now what they understand is that she's chippy, rude and snarky.

Yes, exactly.
I'd still like to know if some people on this thread genuinely message/speak to people like IRL the way they're saying here they find acceptable.

I think the chasing up probably tipped her over the edge.

She needs to chill out if she gets wound up that easy.

I wouldn't bother going now if I was her because everyone will think she's a knob.

Blimey, you’d think this was major trauma rather than a request for an Instagram name she doesn’t have.

But not responding when someone asks you a polite question isn't rude or annoying?

It's weird to me that so many posters are criticising the organisers etiquette for chasing up (once!) but not hers for completing ignoring the original message.

Why is "what's your insta" any more invasive that any of the many other questions that have inevitably been asked on that chat. If rude!hen was so incredibly busy and important with her FULL TIME JOB she could have saved herself the effort and offence of being chased and typing out her whole life story in justification, by just typing three short words "don't have it " or "don't use insta" when first asked.

Do you think the organiser really cares either way about whether or why she does/doesn't use social media? She's trying to be nice by not leaving anyone out. 100% if she only tagged half the people in photos someone else would be upset at that.

The reply inferred she was of an age and social standing to be far too ' adult' to be faffing around with insta. Yes she was being shitty.

lol well maybe she’s got a lot going on besides being chased for social media links.

Well she has got a full time job 😂

and children!! Obviously she's the first person ever to have children and therefore couldn't possibly do anything else any more.

Perfectly polite and to the point. I don’t see anything wrong with it.