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Original poster

Hen party - was this comment a bit shitty?

258 replies

Hulling91 · 30/09/2025 19:02

I’m in a WhatsApp group for my friends hen - I’m not organising it but I’m close friends with the girl who is.

She put a perfectly polite message in the chat on Saturday to ask for people’s instagram user names, as she’d tag any photos etc.

One of the attendees didn’t reply, so she chased her earlier. The reply back was ‘Sorry, but given I’m 33 with two kids and a full time job, I don’t use Instagram and prefer to update those close to me personally about things’.

Just feels a bit…awkward? She only knows the hen and not the rest of the group going.

OP posts:
Charredtea · 30/09/2025 21:04

What form did the ‘chasing’ take?
The full facts help to inform the response here but I don’t think she needed to add her age.

Badhostess · 30/09/2025 21:07

Really bitchy and unnecessary! Also I don’t think the MOH did anything wrong by chasing… I think it’s rude not to reply when someone is organising something, she’s not a mind reader !!

I honestly cringe so much at people who are deliberately arsey for the most minor things.

buymeflowers · 30/09/2025 21:11

It is a bit ott to chase account names.

Her reply was really rude and I wouldn’t want to spend any time with her tbh. ‘I don’t use Instagram’ would have been just fine.

Frankenpug23 · 30/09/2025 21:12

Not rude at all just feeds into this ‘every thing has to be perfect’ on instagram crap. I don’t use instagram and I don’t want any pictures of me on social media - thanks. But my friends all live in the real world and don’t make social media nonsense a condition of our friendship.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 30/09/2025 21:12

The “given I am” is the shitty bit, presumably many of the others are too…so this is a verbal eye roll.

janehopper · 30/09/2025 21:19

It's the assumption that everyone is on Instagram to the point of chasing someone who hasn't replied which is annoying, if someone doesn't reply you just assume they're not on there or don't want you to know. Chasing seems a bit pushy. Saying that, the reply was a bit rude.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 30/09/2025 21:31

Chasing up is rude. No reply was the answer. Having to give your Instagram details for tagging on a hen do - what fresh hell is this. I have Instagram, but wouldn’t want to be being tagged by someone I hardly know. My profile is private anyway.

Slothey · 30/09/2025 21:34

She shouldn’t have been rude, but also your friend shouldn’t have been chasing something so unnecessary. If the other hen had been keen to be tagged, she would have provided it.

Dishwater · 30/09/2025 21:40

Asking for the Instagram username wasn’t shitty. Chasing her for it for everyone to see was, her silence was her answer. These groups chats can be a bit much when you’re busy etc. just forget it and move on.

latetothefisting · 30/09/2025 21:47

NoSoupForU · 30/09/2025 20:40

I think your friend was in the wrong when she chose to chase this woman for instagram shite, like it's actually something important. Honestly I can't bear people like your friend and would absolutely be eye rolling so hard I could trigger a fit. All the staged social media bollocks really gets on my nerves.

you "can't bear" someone who is spending her own time and effort to organise a nice hen for a mate?

I don't get why people are acting as if by 'chasing' the friend was literally legging down the road after her or sending her constant naggy messages rather than sending ONE polite reminder. Lots of INCREDIBLY BUSY people with 2 KIDS and FULL TIME JOBS miss messages (particularly in large whatsapp groups which can have 1000s of messages), and would appreciate a reminder. If she'd replied initially saying 'I don't use insta,' instead of being rude and completely ignoring the message she wouldn't have been "chased."

Guarantee she's exactly the sort of person who if she had been missed out of something because she hadn't replied she'd be moaning about that too.

I also don't use SM, I don't feel the need to make it a defining part of my personality.

Sanguinello · 30/09/2025 21:47

LimeBasilandManderin · 30/09/2025 19:08

She could’ve just said I don’t use Instagram and left it at that rather than being over dramatic

I agree. There was no need to be arsey

MiddleClassProblem · 30/09/2025 21:48

I do think it was a rude response however I don’t see the need to get people’s IGs when you’re already in a WhatsApp group. Upload them there and just do an IG of yourself/your friends with the bride.

Delatron · 30/09/2025 21:48

Badhostess · 30/09/2025 21:07

Really bitchy and unnecessary! Also I don’t think the MOH did anything wrong by chasing… I think it’s rude not to reply when someone is organising something, she’s not a mind reader !!

I honestly cringe so much at people who are deliberately arsey for the most minor things.

She wasn’t chasing for payment or anything important. She wanted people’s instagram names! Ridiculous and unimportant. It’s clear that if someone doesn’t reply then they don’t want to be tagged. I would have been annoyed to be chased over something so unimportant too.

latetothefisting · 30/09/2025 21:51

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2025 21:00

They can’t be that close friends if she had to ask then their ig names

I thought hen events were the closest nearest and dearest friends of the hen …..

Read the post. OP literally said she IS a close friend of the hen, just doesn't know the organiser.

Most people don't have just one group of friends they've known since primary school. Every hen do I've ever been on has been a complete mishmash of school/uni mates, sisters/cousins/mum, colleagues, other randoms, many of whom have never met before....just because they are close to the bride doesn't mean they all know each other.

comoatoupeira · 30/09/2025 21:54

So embarrassing to want to pre-plan social media posts for a personal event ... I mean what even is the point of living? Honestly makes me despair.

BauhausOfEliott · 30/09/2025 22:28

Fine not to be on Instagram. Fine to say ‘Sorry, I’m not Instagram’ or ‘I’ll have to sit this one out, I don’t have social media.’

Not fine to make a sneery, pass-agg remark to imply the reason you don’t have Instagram is that you are much busier and more important and more grown-up than anyone who does. That’s the shitty element. She really didn’t need to say ‘Given that I’m 33 with kids and a full-time job…’ as if everyone who has social media must be a child with time on their hands. It’s very obvious that she’s sneering.

DaisyChain505 · 30/09/2025 22:30

If she didn’t answer, she clearly didn’t want to share her social media. She shouldn’t have been double asked and it should have been left.

I personally wouldn’t want to be tagged in anything on my social media accounts as I will choose myself what I do and don’t want to appear on there.

LeonMccogh · 30/09/2025 22:35

Sounds like she got her point across, good for her!

spoonbillstretford · 30/09/2025 22:36

Mentioning her age, that she is a parent and works sounds pretty arsey. It also sounds like she is judging anyone else who is similar but goes on social media. "Sorry, I don't use it," would have been fine.

surprisebaby12 · 30/09/2025 22:37

Seems a bit rude to me!

TeenLifeMum · 30/09/2025 22:41

I’d reply “a simple I’m not on Instagram would have been enough 😂😂😂”

It sounds like she’s going to be fun on the hen do! I don’t use instagram but I’m not a judgy dick about it!

Bigcat25 · 30/09/2025 22:43

The organizer shouldn't have started from the default position that everyone has an instagram.

FunnyOrca · 30/09/2025 22:45

A WhatsApp group for planning the hen do? Chances are everyone in there is being unreasonable 😂

Ridiculous to “chase” someone for their insta handle. If they haven’t shared, it was probably intentional.

Incredibly rude way for her to say “I don’t use Instagram”.

harveythehorse · 30/09/2025 23:04

If they were really good friends then surely she could have just called her? It's perfectly acceptable to NOT want to share your life on social media and quite frankly I applaud this woman for protecting herself and not feeling the need to share everything online

SafeSex · 30/09/2025 23:10

Wedonttalkaboutboris · 30/09/2025 19:09

Is it true, necessary, kind? No.
She could have just get her passive aggressive comments to herself and said ‘no I don’t use Instagram’.

Why wouldn't it be true?

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