Hen party - was this comment a bit shitty?

[Hulling91]

I’m in a WhatsApp group for my friends hen - I’m not organising it but I’m close friends with the girl who is.

She put a perfectly polite message in the chat on Saturday to ask for people’s instagram user names, as she’d tag any photos etc.

One of the attendees didn’t reply, so she chased her earlier. The reply back was ‘Sorry, but given I’m 33 with two kids and a full time job, I don’t use Instagram and prefer to update those close to me personally about things’.

Just feels a bit…awkward? She only knows the hen and not the rest of the group going.

I think that's just her opinion and how she feels about Instagram. I wouldn't take it personally. And it was perfectly reasonable to send that message to everyone. It sounds like she's a little stressed/very busy. I would just take it as it is and WhatsApp her/email any photos. She might even apologize, given time

Why didn’t she just say, “Sorry, I’d rather not be tagged in social media posts.” I’m older than her with two kids and a job and I use Instagram! As do many of my friends.

The MOH has made a bit of an assumption here.

Not everyone likes or uses Insta etc.

It's perfectly reasonable to not want to use SM, as is not wanting your picture splashed all over various platforms. For all you know, the woman could have an abusive ex she's been outrunning for years or a job that requires a high caution for security purposes.

Her message was clear. I can see how it could be taken as a bit judgey of SM users but also it could be taken literally - she just doesn't want it and that's ok.

You'd all be doing the bride a huge favour by getting over this and moving forward positively.

It's certainly not something that needs to be brought up and discussed.

Did organiser just ask for people’s instagrams or did she ask for them and say she is checking permissions before hand? Does this lady not want to be in any photos that will be on instagram or is she happy to be in them, just doesn’t have an account to tag. I’d say it’s better to know up front if the former, so you can ask her to step aside for some photos.

We live in a social media age and many people use social media like photo albums. Plus sorry to be morbid, but lost a friend this year and sometimes these photos that people may mock on social media are all you have left, and you’re so grateful someone took them.

Most people on instagram are 33 with multiple kids... Comes across that she's saying she's so grown up and mature and couldn't possibly be doing with frivolous things like Instagram. She sounds like a knob.

Exactly. And how long between the original request and the chase? Perhaps she highlighting that she doesn't have time for what is essentially not important.

It is dickish. My mate always has a dig about how she's too old for instagram, and it's just trying to make people feel small, but I just ignore it because that annoys her more

Some people are so holier than thou when it comes to not being on/not using social media, wasn’t great of the organiser to chase her but she could have just said no thanks.

It’s not like she’s the first ever 33 year old working mum 🤣 like that’s so irrelevant.

What has her having a full time job got to do with anything? All she needed to say was I don't use instagram and that would have been fine.

This. Unnecessarily bitchy but I’d just ignore!

Seems a bit holler than you doesn’t it. 33 working with kids doesn’t mean you can’t have SM.

This.

it’s ok to ask once. It’s not ok to chase it up.

id be eye rolling and wondering what id got myself into for the weekend

Unnecessarily bitchy

I had the reverse where there were 4 he said, the MOH said she would put it all in an Apple photos album. I told her I have android only, everyone else (who were all friends vs me being a friend from somewhere else) agreed apple was fine and nobody sent me any pics!!

no need for the comment just say i dont use it

I think your friend was in the wrong when she chose to chase this woman for instagram shite, like it's actually something important. Honestly I can't bear people like your friend and would absolutely be eye rolling so hard I could trigger a fit. All the staged social media bollocks really gets on my nerves.

I wouldn’t have been so P/A but neither would I want to give out my Insta to all and sundry and I certainly don’t want to be tagged in things. I think that is a weird and intrusive request.

This ^
I’m older than her with one child and don’t use instagram either, it’s not about age or amount of children.
And as I’m busy enough I do forget things sometimes so when someone chases something from me I’m grateful.

Is the WhatsApp group getting a bit full on / OTT / giggly / needy? Moh shouldn’t have chased - she just got a firm boundary back

Rude and patronising.

She could have just said ‘Sorry, I don’t have instagram’.

Reasonable reason but bitchy reply.

I'd just say I am uncomfortable being tagged on social media so I'm not giving over my handles. I'd appreciate no one else giving my details over, either.

But then all you'd say was I don't have an Instagram account, surely you wouldn't be arsey about it would you?

They can’t be that close friends if she had to ask then their ig names

I thought hen events were the closest nearest and dearest friends of the hen …..

Yes, she clearly wanted to feel superior. She could have just said she’s not on Insta.

Agree, kind of like ‘I’m superior to ye silly young things who spend all day on instagram uploading silly photos’…..she could have just said.’ Sorry, don’t have an Instagram account’ …..

Unnecessarily arsey. Considering she only knows the hen and no one else, she's not endeared herself to the group there has she!