To ask DH to tell FIL to stop using our loo if he can’t clean up after himself?

[Septemberending]

We host my in-laws at least once a month for Sunday lunch and they pop round at various other points in the month.

Almost without fail, FIL will use the loo and it will be left in a disgusting state after - stinking as he hasn’t sprayed, water over the floor from where he hasn’t dried his hands properly and items such as the soap put back in the wrong place.

DH knows this greatly annoys me but won’t say anything - ‘oh, he’s stuck in his ways’ or ‘it’s only once a month’.

I’ve had enough quite frankly, and feel like it’s getting to ultimatum time.

If you have another toilet, just use that one after he’s been while the smell clears and water dries. Air freshener is horrible stuff.

My Dad has developed a bowel issue with age. It is lovely to see him as due to this issue he has lost a lot of confidence and doesn’t go out much. Therefore yes he does poop at my house. Not everyone has a young and youthful constitution and can plan where they are going to poop with such precision. Lucky you for being able to!!!!

Poo stains? Piss on the seat/floor?
no, ok move along

Only about 20 minutes. I’ve made this point to DH too and got shrugged shoulders.

He’s a big chap these days so the smell is genuinely repulsive.

So he does a poo, washes his hands but a few drops of water go on the floor and he puts the soap back a bit differently. It doesn’t really sound like a huge mess honestly. Sounds sort of normal.
But ask DH to clean up in there after if you feel it needs it. No reason you should be doing that.

What does ‘go out of your way’ look like if you’re at someone’s house for a lot of the day?

If I was leaving soon and I could wait, I’d wait, but that’s not always possible, surely?

You sound very unkind and unhospitable.

It would be rude to invite family over for a meal and not allow them to use the toilet.

It would be extremely rude considering your reasons.

You need to get out more of you can't cope with someone using your bathroom, not putting the soap back in the right place and spilling drops of water.

Leave the window open for the duration of the visit? Many people think air freshener is a little gauche, your in laws may think so too.

Expensive stuff eh?

Well unless it can turn back time and put the poo back up his bum, it will still do what all of them do, put a chemical smell in the toilet that mixed with the smell of shit is 10 times worse than the poo on its own.

I assumed the post was going to be about horrendous skid marks or piss all over the floor (both unacceptable) but this honestly sounds like a total non-event.

Sounds like you don't like him and are trying to find fault. What you describe is far from disgusting in the lavatory department.

For me, this is about hospitality. What's happening is annoying but it takes only five minutes to mop up, move the soap and open the window once FIL has left.

Yeah, it’s really not. The smell of shit is unpleasant, but the smell of shit mingled with a toxic cloud of synthetic freesias is beyond gopping. Just open a window. Or, like my PILs, light a match - surprisingly effective and much less sickening. They kept a box in the loo for just that purpose.

Is this really how people speak to their parents? DH being asked to tell his dad a grown man and your Father in law, to stop using your loo...how ridiculous! All because he doesn't use room spray, and drops a bit of water on the floor, oh, and doesn't put the soap back in the "right" place. Has graciousness become so rare that it can't be extended to a parent figure who visits once a month? he may not fit @OP's tidy expectations but as a close family member, isn't he worth some dignity and respect?

Advice.

A) light a match

B) lighten up.

I haven’t heard the match suggestion before - sounds a recipe for disaster in an enclosed space surely?!

Stop following him in for a sniff, and let your partner replace the soap. Problem solved!

I've never blown up a bog using that trick before.

It’s the most effective.

And no, your FIL doesn't produce enough methane to reach explosive air mixture levels. Unless he’s a herd of cows.

I also thought this was going to be about someone spraying urine all over the floor and not cleaning it up, but actually, I don't think your FIL is doing anything wrong! YABU, I'm afraid.

I was ready to agree with you but a bit of water on the floor and soap out of place isn’t disgusting. I think you need to get a grip.

A match burns off the offending methane. There isn't enough to cause an explosion!

Yes I was thinking this. A bit of water from clean hands and the soap not where you like it is… fine?? I assumed you meant skid marks or loo roll that had missed the toilet being left

We have five loos and I have three friends who insist on using the downstairs loo with no window. I drives me potty.
I have the biggest defuser and I now flick the fan on again if they're turned it off.
I do feel your pain as I do admit to a loo phobia.

I’m now down a rabbit hole…

Methane has an explosive range of approximately 5% to 15% by volume in air. This means that if the concentration of methane in a mixture with air falls below 5% (too lean) or above 15% (too rich), it will not explode. Only when the concentration is within this flammable window can a spark or ignition source cause an explosion.

A cow produces between 200 and 500 grams (or liters) of methane per day.

So a cow could explode your toilet.

The more you know.