To tell stepson’s girlfriend she’s not sleeping over again after what I walked in on??

[AutumnMum28]

DSS (17) has had his girlfriend over a few times now, I’ve been fine with it, they sit in the living room with snacks and films etc, nothing major. Last night OH was on nights and I went up early with baby (who doesn’t sleep 🙄). Came down about midnight because I’d left washing in the machine and nearly had a heart attack when I walked past the living room… let’s just say I saw FAR too much, blanket half on the floor, both of them half naked 😳 I honestly feel sick even writing this.

I didn’t say anything in the moment, just stomped upstairs, but now I feel so uncomfortable in my own house. I’ve got younger DC (10, 5, 17mo) and it just doesn’t sit right at all. He’s technically still in sixth form, under our roof, and I don’t want this kind of thing going on.

OH says “he’s nearly an adult, better they’re safe here than in the park” 🙄 but I don’t want my home turning into a hotel room. I don’t even know how to look her in the eye now, poor girl looked mortified too.

So AIBU to tell him she’s not sleeping over anymore? Or do I need to suck it up and accept it?

Always the case in these types of post, isn't it?

Can't magic up a bedroom, but one of the kids (OP's, of course) has a Lego shrine room.

You and your DH should be in the living room to allow DSS his own space! I can't believe you'd be so selfish to be honest.

Completely agree

single parent of tween and teen here and not in a month of Sundays will I even consider bringing in another man to their family home. Let alone with kids. Shudder at the thought.

This… poor lad doing normal things in what is essentially his bedroom.

Why can’t the youngest children share your room, you have the middle room and your step son have the smallest to himself? As long as he can fit a double bed in it sounds much better.
Assuming that by ‘Lego shrine’ you meant Lego themed bedroom. If I’m wrong and one child has a playroom whilst stepson is in the lounge then that’s awful.

YABU

while this was horrid for you - I get that -
i feel really bad for your step son
im sure he hasn’t moved into this house set up lightly - as it must be awful for him, so the alternatives must have been worse 😢
he’s in sixth form and hasn’t even got a room …

This is a great idea

step children mainly

You can bet YOUR LIFE if this was a daughter instead of a son your OH would not have the attitude of just leave her be - especially if he was the one walking in on the action.

Men are such fucking hypocrites

I suppose technically he was in his bedroom if he sleeps on a sofa bed, had he left the door open?

can you look at the bedroom allocations? It sounds like you and DH in master, 10 year old in bedroom 2, 5 year old and baby in the box room, and a 17 year old with no personal space. Can you put the three youngest in the biggest room, you and DH take the second biggest, and let the teen have the box room?

So your kids who are very small have rooms, but a teenager who is not yours gets nothing for a year? Come on now. Shuffle the other kids around and provide a room for this boy. What was the poor fucker supposed to do? What did you think they were doing?

Mainly

but no child actually benefits from it.

Jesus, agree, poor kid doesn't even have his own room. Your husband needs to provide better for the 4 children he has, unfortunately. That's the issue.

The lounge is his bedroom, he's sleeping on the sofa and has done for a while

He literally has no room
not even a proper bed
this poor lad must feel completely worthless

That’s his bedroom not the living room, he’s 17 and needs his own space and of course at that age they’d be sleeping together.

This.
They are both over 16 so legally they can have we but I agree, romping on the living room rug with younger siblings in the house is out of order.

Why oh why do parents not think about ensuring they have adequate space for children before having children or moving in with people with children?

You have a responsibility to house your children and sleeping on a sofa bed isn't adequate. He needs his privacy, as has been aptly demonstrated by this scenario.

It's no longer just "your" living room it's also "his" bedroom now.

Poor kid - must be awful to be 17 and not have your own space. Move the smaller kids in together and let him have his own room. The being caught post sex is really not the issue here/

Sorry, I quoted before u edited !!
we are totally on the same page !!

Also I'd assume this is pretty enormous year for him - 17, no matter what he's doing academically or work wise, it's gonna be a big one. Where can he go to study, relax, get some peace? Let alone have sex? Jeez words fail me.

Baby in with you. Other 2 share box room. Lego lives in living room. 17 year old gets a bedroom.

They are both over 16 so legally they can have we but I agree, romping on the living room rug with younger siblings in the house is out of order.

In this case the living room is his bedroom though.

So in effect they were in his bedroom. As you had gone to bed then they actually had an expectation of privacy once that had happened. The only chat required is your apology to him for walking in on them when he was in "his bedroom".

He doesn't have a bedroom, he's kipping on the sofa. Sounds like he has no privacy at all poor lad.

Oh that's so sad he doesn't have a bedroom

Does your step son spend any time at his girlfriend's house? Are they allowed to sleep together there?