To tell stepson’s girlfriend she’s not sleeping over again after what I walked in on??

[AutumnMum28]

DSS (17) has had his girlfriend over a few times now, I’ve been fine with it, they sit in the living room with snacks and films etc, nothing major. Last night OH was on nights and I went up early with baby (who doesn’t sleep 🙄). Came down about midnight because I’d left washing in the machine and nearly had a heart attack when I walked past the living room… let’s just say I saw FAR too much, blanket half on the floor, both of them half naked 😳 I honestly feel sick even writing this.

I didn’t say anything in the moment, just stomped upstairs, but now I feel so uncomfortable in my own house. I’ve got younger DC (10, 5, 17mo) and it just doesn’t sit right at all. He’s technically still in sixth form, under our roof, and I don’t want this kind of thing going on.

OH says “he’s nearly an adult, better they’re safe here than in the park” 🙄 but I don’t want my home turning into a hotel room. I don’t even know how to look her in the eye now, poor girl looked mortified too.

So AIBU to tell him she’s not sleeping over anymore? Or do I need to suck it up and accept it?

The implication is that the 10 year old needs the (presumably) bigger room all to themselves because they want all their Lego out
Which means the DSS is getting short shrift because of the Lego ...

Yes, but 2 of his siblings are sharing the box room BECAUSE of his lego shrine.

Even excluding SS, I'd have thought the 5 year old would need more space to play, not stuck in a box room with a baby.

I feel really bad for the SS, he's being treated as not part of the family. Someone dossing on the couch.

But I'm blaming his Dad for allowing this. He should have made it clear that his son is just as important as the other children.

And lets face it, teens masturbate, so she could have walked by and seen that instead. Or as is apparently the real issue, one of the kids might walk downstairs - then what? Banned from doing something perfectly normal?

I'd be interested to find out if the 10 year old is OPs son only, and not her DHs.

5 year old and babies play downstairs though. IMO. They want their space more as they get older.

OP hasn’t stated the size of the rooms but she described the ten year olds room as his ‘little Lego shrine room’. That could mean anything so why do you think the other two are sharing because of this ?

So DSS should move in with the ten year old then ?

If it's labelled a lego shrine room it does suggest it's all set up which would indicate a more spacious area. You couldn't really have it set up in a box room.

I'd have the toddler in the box room, pack the lego away and have the 5yr old and 10yr old share.

Let the teen sleep downstairs <whilst allowing privacy and not doing the washing at midnight> until such time as a loft conversion or conservatory can he built to allow more room.

Baby in with parents, 5 and 10 year old share, teen in box room.

No?

5 and 10 year old should share the bigger room, baby in with OP and then DSS gets the box room

This.

Or even-
Baby in the box room
Teenager in the medium room
5 & 10-year-old share main room
Parents get pull out bed and sleep in the lounge.

I’ve seen plenty of overcrowded families on social media where the parents sleep in the living room so their children can have bedrooms.

Helloooooooooo, OP 👋🏻

Nah, not coming back. 🙄

This was my response to you but I was talking about the 10 and 5 yo sharing a room, not kicking the 10 yo onto the sofa...

But then I've also already explained that.

Well yes, and 'once more with feeling' the 10yr old and his lego have a bigger bedroom together than the younger 2 dc.
So space for the lego in a bedroom is more important than the 17 yo having an actual bed.

Because I don't think you can get a smaller bedroom than a box room, which is what the younger two are in. I've never heard of a home that has bedrooms smaller than box rooms, but I'm happy to be corrected.

Or numerous box rooms for that matter.

Exactly my thought

SS has the sofa for a bed and you walked into his sleep space at midnight knowing his gf was there. What part of that is their fault.

She said the youngest two are sharing the smallest room (the box room). Op & her partner are in the "main" room (ie the biggest). The 10yo and his lego therefore have the 2nd biggest bedroom. In most 3 bedroom houses the 2nd biggest bedroom is almost as big as the main bedroom, with a slice taken out to accommodate the hallway. The box room and bathroom are then squeezed into the other two corners of the house with whatever sacrifices are necessary for the stairway.

I would really like to put down real money that the 10yo is a prime example of PFB spoiled brat who has never learned that he isn't the centre of the universe. OP of course agrees with him on this point.

Yes, I do this as does my best friend. I think it is grim not to give your DC bedrooms if at all possible

Well then they put in boundaries so that no one goes in to his room at nigh. I feel very sorry for this boy

Yes I do too. How would the op feel if he wandered into her room at midnight and caught her and her dh at it. If you allow a bf/gf to stay over then expect that that will have sex and don't creep about snooping.

Create his own room for him as others have said and stop treating him as though he’s a nuiscance and burden. I know only too well what the grown up children from a first marriage feel like when visiting their father in his new family, so living with them would be even worse. Mine are made to feel awkward and in the way and they get to see the privileges that the younger kids are benefiting from that were denied them while growing up from that same parent. Reading between the lines I can see your resentment OP. For whatever reason this young lad is living with you, you need to remember who he is and not treat him like an unwanted guest. I can see this is very difficult for you but if this is a permanent arrangement then you as a family need to sort out a rearrangement of the bedrooms and make it fun, not something you begrudge. Everybody needs to be on board with this.

Next episode: OP is disgusted that her DSS uses the toilet and leaves the bathroom smelly. Surely her young and impressionable DCs can’t be subjected to that !

Yeah the thread hasnt realy gone down the way she wanted/expected.